While the Spouse was Away...

At times, we have traveled away from each other. Sometimes it is for work, other times for a short break or vacation with friends. This past summer, Maurice was gone for a week and then I left for the following weekend. Our trips overlapped so we missed seeing each other for about 10 days! It was the longest that we have ever spent time apart.

Let's be real honest here. In a marriage, you have to have safeguards to prevent sin from creeping in. Being away from your spouse for too long can quickly and easily lead to pornography, adultery, masturbation and other non-sexual sin. 

God's made us all sexual creatures and His plan for us as a married couple is to be together in every way. You have to make a plan in order to prevent opportunities for temptation. We have had the same plan for years and we praise God that we have been able to remain faithful to each other even when we are apart. This is not a suggestion, you need a real plan, like, for real!

Communication

I was posting some pictures of my recent birthday girl's trip on instagram and I asked my audience about how they keep in touch with their spouses while traveling separately. I shared about how we text often and videochat each day. We send pictures and let everyone that may be traveling with us know that we are married and unavailable to "go out" to places where singles mingle. 

On the instagram feed, I got a lot of good responses. Check them out!

Physical Touch

This does not seem like a big deal, but watch touching anyone of the opposite sex. Even a "friendly" tap on the arm or a short hug can get someone really excited about you. Staring too long or even a smile can lead someone on. We are not saying to avoid being kind, but make sure that your motives are pure because many times, other people's motives are not.

Wear your Rings

I guess that this is obvious, but not as popular as it used to be. Although it does not stop any sin at all, it is at least a signal that you are taken. It is also a reminder of your vows to each other. Keeping them on is an easy thing to do. If it helps, why not?

Dress Modestly

The more attention you bring to yourself while away from your spouse, the more likely you are to get it. Please do not mistake me for saying that you should "dumb yourself down". Once again, this is about your heart, motives and intentions. You do not have to be at THAT place at THAT time wearing THAT. You know what I mean. Infidelity starts in the mind and heart. 

We try to be modest all the time, even on vacation. We expose skin for each other, not for pictures!

Speaking of pictures, here are a few from our separate times away....

Maurice's away room

Anita's away room

Common area with pool

Hot tub

Enjoying the views

Still wearing the wedding ring!

A Couple on Mission

Here on the blog we are so passionate about christian couples who minister together. We are on always on mission in our marriages. It is a ministry itself. However, sometimes God will call us to mission elsewhere for His glory.

Today, we want to share our conversation with a missionary couple. Anita met Arrica on Instagram and they both quickly realized that they share a passion for evangelism. We hope that their perspective and conversation on marriage and evangelism will be enlightening and encouraging to you!

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Interview: Arrica Hess

How did you meet your husband and how did you end up in ministry together?

My husband, Matt, and I met in a high school math class in rural Oklahoma. He was a junior and I was a freshman. He drove past my house every day on his way to school and asked if I would like a ride. Since my only other option was a school bus that carried grades K-12 in on those country roads, I accepted. We started a friendship where he gave me rides to school and I helped him with his math homework. God grew our relationship from there. After a year of college, Matt joined the US Marine Corp. He served over four years and while stationed in the Washington D.C. area, started working with military youth and as well as some local youth at a church. He felt the call to help youth and others although not a believer yet. We married in 2004 before he served a tour of duty in Iraq. On his return, our relationship was tumultuous. I soon realized that I needed Jesus to be the wife and woman that could help my husband.

I was saved in October of 2004 and immediately began praying for Matt’s salvation. I prayed for 3 long years and not a moment too soon, God saved Matt after the birth of our first child in 2007. God immediately gave Matt a desire to evangelize the lost.  He attended seminary at Mid-America in Memphis, TN and was hired as a pastor of a local church. God used us through this ministry but we both felt a restless call to be a part of a ministry where we could encounter vast lostness, diversity, and large numbers of people. God showed us the need in Toronto, ON, Canada. Toronto is the most diverse city in the world with almost half of the population having been born in another country, the whole GTA is over 6 million people and out of that number, only 2% are Christian.

How did you hear about American Mission Board and how did you both become involved?

We both grew up in Southern Baptist churches so we had known about the North American Mission Board (NAMB) from an early age. To be honest though, we mostly thought of the relief work and offering they collected every year. Church planting had never really been on our minds. My husband was in Chapel one day in early 2010 at Seminary and Dr. Richard Harris, who was the interim President for NAMB, brought the message. One of his statements that day captured Matt’s heart and would forever change the course of our lives. He said, “Canada is the most lost region in all of North America.” We got out a map and started praying and fasting. A few weeks later, my husband met with his mentor and the pastor of a large church in the area who told Matt that they had been praying about funding a work in Canada. It seemed God had it all planned out for us. We made a visit and connected with NAMB about what was going on in the Greater Toronto Area.

Tell me about your missionary journey? How many churches have you planted?

We moved to the east side of Toronto in July 2012. We planted our first church, Fellowship Pickering, in 2013, our second, Fellowship Rouge Park, in 2015, and our third, Fellowship Oshawa, in 2016. We are currently praying over two other areas where we are training planters and evangelizing the harvest and by God’s grace, will roll them both out in 2020.

Has this missionary work stressed your marriage? Made it stronger?

In the beginning, church planting was stressful on our marriage; we had three young children in a new country with little idea about what the future held. We did a lot of trial and error, tons of praying, and had a heap of work to do on our own personal spiritual growth. Overall, I think God made us a stronger team through this. We had to learn first to rely solely on Him and second on one another. We learned to pray before we did anything, how to share the gospel together, how to work in our individual gift sets and to encourage one another in hard times. 

Our family has adopted John 15:5 as our life verse, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”  We hold each other accountable to the truth that we have to hold fast to God’s word and that anything accomplished through us is the work of the Holy Spirit and not in our own strength.

Where do you see yourself in the future? How is the Lord leading you both now?

Our future is slowly shifting. God has given us a platform to be able to disciple and grow up other church planting couples. I believe He wants us to use our gifts and experiences to help them understand the true call of church planting which is to grow God’s kingdom through Spirit filled believers and discipleship. He has given us opportunities to share our experiences on a wider scale and we would love to continue to do so as long as it honors Him.

May you continue to walk together towards God!

Contact information for Matt and Arrica Hess:

Arrica's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/a_child_shall_lead_them_blog/

Arrica's Blog - https://achildshallleadthemblog.wordpress.com/2019/07/16/hoe-your-own-row/

Watch their story - https://vimeo.com/46330258?fbclid=IwAR3h55eFrX8OCqAWkl7QJ8GEoqgk6_v79bBJSiMzCxEM2Hpfw9F4di5nJjs

Dating on Vacation

Here are FOUR quick ways to date while on vacation. We have always had a date day when we go on our family vacations. I mean...face it, most couples on family vacation could use a day away from the kids right? Our boys know our routine by now. They used to get jealous about our adventures, but our marriage is a priority and they needed to know that.

This year we had a staycation and while our boys had a camp day, we took time for ourselves. It didn't take much to make it happen and some of our social media friends were impressed, so we thought we would share about how to make your next vacation date amazing!

There are four things that we do consistently in dating (whether we are on vacation or not).

1. Make a plan.

2. Keep it simple.

3. Do something you both love.

4. Make it memorable.

Make a Plan

We are definitely planners. Maurice was raised an only child and Anita is a first-born, so planning is a thing for us. It helps to know about what day, time and activity is available in the location where you will be. There is nothing like looking forward to an event that is cancelled or a restaurant that is closed! However, perhaps part of your dating adventure is spontaneity. Just be sure that you both are guaranteed a great time and that all planning is done well in advance!

Keep it Simple

We like to make a list of what we would like to do AND a back-up plan of extra activities that we might do. This is a stress-reliever and a good way to simplify overthinking this whole thing. We have usually picked a few places to eat, where to shop (because one of us like to do that) and a few "must dos". You do not always have to go small either. Our vacation dates are more elaborate because....hello...we are on vacation, so that leads back to planning of course!

Love it

Mutual fun is the best fun. We like to play games, watch movies, enjoy parks, do taste-testings or cook together, take walks, do sports and a host of other things. You will want to discuss this in advance , of course, and keep a running list of options. We also like to try new things together for the first time.

Make it Memorable

Whatever you do, make it memorable. You may want to surprise each other with gifts or take a couple photoshoot for fun. Part of the experience is to get those "first date vibes" back. Do all the things that you would do on a first date. Be the gentleman. Ladies, dress a little nicer and smell great! The possibilities to make your date memorable are limitless. Do some activities that you will be talking about for months later....we did!

Fruitful Marriage

It is summer time and so it makes me think of fruit which is one of my favorite things to have in the summer. Fruit is unique because it must be developed. You can't just eat fruit any time of the year it has to be in season to taste best.

Our lives are like that. Our marriages can even be like that. I want to live a fruitful life.  When our lives are over we went something to show for it. All of the struggle, the hurt, the pain should be developing something in us that we can pass on to others.

Marriage ripens you.

 It gets you ready for other things that you need to handle in life. You grow up and you grow deeper and stronger together. This weekend will be my parent's 44th wedding anniversary. Their union is ripe. Much wisdom can be gleaned from such a long relationship.

Here are three things that their marriage has taught me:

1. It takes time and intention.

2. It takes patience.

3. It takes being connected to God.

Nothing good comes easy, especially a good marriage. Like fruit it changes and grows. It has to mature to be sweet.

Wait for it. So many people easily give up on their relationships. They are tired of trying and tired of praying. Do not get wearly. Wait patiently for the best fruit.

Without God we cannot do anything well! He provides all that is needed to make our marriages fruitful. Plant your relationship in the Word and let the Spirit rain and the Son shine on it. It is not "natural" to have a great marriage, it is supernatural! Let Him do the work. He knows best.

Cancer Survivor

We wanted to share with you the testimony of what the Lord has done for us from August 2017 until now.

Here is everything about our journey with Cancer. Our first blog on this was during this crisis. You can read about how Maurice found out that he had Multiple Myeloma and how we reacted. It was a trying time as the diagnosis was being confirmed through many tests and several painful procedures.

After some chemotherapy treatments through the months following, Maurice decided to have a stem cell bone marrow transplant. That was an extremely stressful ordeal that the Lord guided us through with great peace and tremendous outcomes. It was quite a story so we had to blog about it!

Anita personally journaled her thoughts as a caregiver and was led to encourage other spouses going through hard times in another blogpost.

Finally, Maurice wrote this testimony and shared it on facebook in 2018:

Let me briefly tell you my cancer story and conclusion. During our family vacation I had an overexertion back injury that just wouldn't seem to heal. Two months later with X-rays and a Bone Biopsy I was diagnosed with a deadly and incurable cancer called Multiple Myeloma (standard risk group) August of 2017 at the age of 47. Up until then I had zero pre-existing conditions, zero vices, I had never even been admitted to the hospital. And this was far beyond the typical temptation and invitation of the day.

My wife Anita started a Care Bridge and fundraiser website for me. Which I very very much appreciate the donations (cards and prayers). As an "easy patient" I remained positive through the whole experience and the verse that I clung to was "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess. 5: 16-18 HCSB). What is this disease that just seems to have come out of nowhere! And caused me to initially be bedridden (couldn't walk), some skeletal deformity and a permanent loss of two and a quarter inches of height (vertebral fractures). I wasn't allowed to cry about my situation! Myeloma bone pain was in my chest. So much so that sometimes it would feel like a knife being stabbed into my chest! Because of this I could not cry about my situation (four additional months) or the pain would be too great! Why would the one and only God allow me to not be able to cry about my situation? The only thing I can figure is that God was saying "THIS IS NOT THE END MY SOVEREIGN HAND WILL BE WITH YOU THROUGH THIS!" God showed me that he was with me through every stage of the cancer first reaching remission well before the norm! Like a Finals MVP almost every stage of my cancer experience was above the norm (with excellent insurance)!

The next step in my cancer treatment involved regenerative medicine. I was able to get an Autologous Stem Cell Transplant (or Bone Marrow Transplant) on January 4th 2018! I requested that my pastor be with us and pray over the ceremony. The transplant went well, did my two weeks of hard of time in the hospital and came home (on MLK Day)! Now I'm in a real remission and not just a drug dependent remission. My boys (Delta Force) have been as sweet as pie this whole experience, picking up extra chores with no questions. I think the most important thing I've learned in this whole experience was how to walk with the God on a higher level!

Right now I'm cancer free but Multiple Myeloma (many legions) at this time is incurable. But I believe as of now I'm triple protected from it! First: A transplant has an average of five to twenty years plus success before relapse. Second: I'm on a life-long low dose maintenance chemo drug which by itself could keep me in remission. And third: I have the prayers of the saints! Each one of the three by itself could be a cure. We're tempted to all the time look for a miraculous healing in these situations "But the righteous shall live by faith..." (Hebrews 10:38a HNV)

A couple weeks ago (February 28 2018) I returned back to work (full-time). I hadn't worked since I had been admitted to the hospital in August. Returning back to repairing office equipment that I've been doing for almost eighteen years. It's been good to be back, trying to figure it out and making adjustments!

Thank you Lord for having me ready when the "evil day" came!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God."  (Romans 8:18-19 NKJV)

Maurice

** We are excited to announce that we plan to write a short book for couples who experience strain
in their marriages due to illness. Look for it in 2020!!

JOY-full Disciplemaking

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. Jesus left us His Spirit to empower us to spread the gospel and make disciples. He gives us joy and a mission!

When we set our hearts to be obedient to the Lord, the joy comes. God knows the intent of our hearts, so when our minds are made up to make disciples, we are empowered to do it! Just knowing that we are pleasing God should bring smiles to our faces if we are disciples are Christ. Here are three reasons why!

Ambassadors of Christ Jesus are Joyful.

Those who are sent into this world as a representative of Christ have a high and holy calling. It is not to be taken lightly at all. It is a joy and a privilege to serve the One great King. To be His servant is an honor. The goal of ambassadorship is to reconcile others to the Kingdom of God. God has predestined those who will bring Him glory and follow what He has instructed. We were made for this!

Joy is found in Truth

In 3 John 1:4, John states that he finds no greater joy than to see his children walking in truth. When we make disciples we are sharing in their salvation from sin, their reconciliation to the Father and their new mission to follow after Christ themselves. There is no joy in falsehood, no lasting happiness in lies. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. Knowing Him and drawing others to him is the most joyful of human experiences.

Disciplemaking is Fulfilling

As God's children pour out in ministry to others, the most amazing thing happens. Our joy becomes FULL. This is no partial joyful experience, but an overflow of gratefulness that defies circumstances. it ruins all other levels of joy you have ever known because this joy is unending. 

Obeying the last command of Christ fills believers and adds fullness to an otherwise empty life. It is the mandate, the reason and the epitome of one's goals and hopes. You cannot get better than that.

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If you want to embrace this type of lifestyle, it begins by receiving Jesus Christ as your Saviour. You cannot please the Lord otherwise. Your sin blocks the way and you cannot lead others to a God you do not have a relationship with.

Once you know Jesus for yourself, you must actually follow Him. He instructs his disciples to confess their sins and to be publicly baptized as a sign of their faith. It does not save you, it tells others that you are saved and unashamed of that decision to identify with Christ in His death, burial and resurrection. Then join a body of believers that are passionate to obey Jesus' last command to make disciples. Ask Him to empower you to disciple others and joy will come.

Re-JOYcing and Recycling

Rejoice and again I say, Rejoice! Can I equate it to recycling? Just think about it. When we recycle, we are taking something that has previously been used and using it again (perhaps in a different way). When we think of rejoicing, we may often be concerned that it is redundant. We were joyful already, doesn't that count? It sounds like something a teenager might say; but true rejoicing is never redundant, it is recycled!

This week, I struggled to find joy in my sorrow. With three funerals in two weeks, I found it hard to genuinely smile. I may have been a bit short with others and the happiness tank was low. How do you find joy in sorrow? The answer is in the Word. We do not sorrow like those in the world do who have no hope. ( 1 Thessalonians 4:13, KJV) We look forward to heaven and the glory that awaits us. Being full of hope brings joy. Remember that and recycle it.

The older saints in my church used to say "When I think back over my life and all that the Lord has done for me, my soul cries out 'Hallelujah, Thank God for saving me'. The joy that we experience may not come from present circumstances at all. It could be something that we continually thank the Lord for that happened long ago. Or, we could even be rejoicing about what we are thanking God for in advance! When things are recycled, they are not refuse or garbage any longer. They have value.

Our rejoicing has value to God!!

He wants us to be joyful which is why this is listed among the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 6. He expects us to rejoice always, not because things are going good, but because He is good!

Recycling joy is for our collective good as the Body of Christ. We got new garbage cans this past month from the city. They had a great idea to discard all of our trash in a unified way. They encouraged recycling in an effort to keep the community healthier and maintain green spaces. Like the church as a whole, we must maintain our joy not only for our sakes, but for the sake of others. The joy of the Lord is our strength. If you are stronger, so am I!

The Bible tells us that a cheerful countenance and a merry heart works like medicine. It is healthy to be joyful, but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (Proverbs 17:22, KJV). The church needs to be a strong body of believers.

So get your joy back. Smile. Understand that not recycling joy is wasteful and only builds up clutter. Let's choose to re-JOYce!