How to Talk to Teens about Sex, Marriage and Relationships

We play a lot of games in our home. With two boys growing quickly into men, we find ourselves working hard to keep the lines of communication open. Games are a great way to do that for us. We have been surprised at how often they will ask the most amazing questions. We have come to realize that games provide a fantastic opportunity to impart wisdom and character into the lives of our children (while we still have the chance). 

There are two brands that we would like to recommend to your family. Harvest Time Partners (Harvesttimepartners.com) and Breakout Games (breakoutgames.com). They both offer various unique and fun games. They encourage group play, conversation and thinking skills that are crucial for young people to develop as they mature into adulthood. 

Video games, online games, board games and ANY game is a great way to spark conversation, but the other way is just as easy and it's FREE!

The second way to talk to your teens about marriage and other things is simply to talk to them!! Sure there are books, videos and games but here are three ways to talk to them - like with just you and nothing else.

1. Share your experiences. One of the best ways that we have reached our sons has been to simply tell the story of our sex journey, marriage, victories and defeats. NOTHING beats a real life example of following God through this part of life. Our kids need to know that we are not perfect. They also need to know that they can live holy despite what the world impresses on them.

2. Pray with them. Yup. Prayer is talking and you can communicate a lot through your prayers in their hearing. Let them hear your concern to God for them and their future. Ask for His forgiveness and let your children hear you quote the Word of God back to God Himself. Family prayer does not have to be long or elaborate. Talk to God about your real worries, fears and hopes. You will be teaching them as you do so. Lord willing, they will do the same with your future grandchildren.

3. Talk about media. While we scroll the internet, listen to radio in the car, watch tv or a movie, we discuss the implications of their behavior or the words to that song. Ask questions during commercials or in between songs like: Why is this a bad idea for someone who says they are a christian? Would you be able to tell that this person follows Jesus if this was their lifestyle? What consequences or rewards do you think that taking this action will have in the future? If you repeat these lyrics out loud would the Bible agree? Why or why not?

We hope this was helpful! What other ideas do YOU have for discussing these topics with your teens? We would love to hear your suggestions in the comments.

Dating Games

"Opposites attract before marriage, opposites attack after marriage!" When people talk about interracial or inter-generational dating, they know that at least in some situations there is something wrong with it that they just can't put their finger on. A game that may not be fair for all that are involved. The following is a message I wrote to a friend that I met online (1998). Multiplayers! Let's begin!

Interracial dating and inter-generational dating is something I've studied into. I believe that in the great majority of cases it is unwise (which is sin Proverbs 8:35-36 NKJV):

FIRST, Why are there different RACES (for lack of a better word)? In the book of Genesis chapter 11, it speaks of how God confused the language and scattered mankind over the earth at the Tower of Babel. It's my belief that those isolated gene pools created the additional races of people on the earth. Even though this particular incident is only mentioned in one place in the Bible, there is no evidence that God's purpose for why He scattered mankind has changed. Therefore God purposely wanted different races of people to exist separately.

SECOND, It's amazing when you think about how much respect the Bible gives to the natural order of things as intended! For example 1 Corinthians 11:14 “Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?” or Romans 1:20 “For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:” Also God did not want Israel to intermingle various things like worship, culture, interfaith marriage, even garments (Lev. 19:19).

THIRD, like Christ, a person has to consider it's expedience (it’s necessity). Dating or marriage should be about compatibility, a person is naturally going to be more compatible with someone of their own race, also for example in the African American community women outnumber men more than any other racial group, is it necessary for a black man to date outside of his race, etc.

FOURTH, a person has to consider their motives £or dating that way, because there are multiple wrong motives like lust, novelty, infatuation, money, man's acceptance, wrong ideology possibly stemming from a belief in evolution, desperation, etc.

FIFTH, a person has to "count the cost", society has in the past looked down on it, and racial roots and heritage are naturally important to most people. Racial heritage is one of those things that either matters or doesn't matter, it can't be both.

Before you race to the end of this blog I just wanted to add something very important, if you are already in an interracial or inter generational marriage, God does NOT want you to divorce! Once we get married it is God's will for us to stay married. Any one of mixed race descent should by no means feel like God does not love them or have a wonderful plan for your life.

Some people today marry and date inter-racially thinking that they are promoting  unity by relations or by producing more mixed children. This sounds like the same wrong and unrepentant motive the people at the Tower of Babel had. “If you want to know the future look at the past.” Just like in other places in the world where two races of people coexisted, Israel, South America, etc. America will eventually become a nation where the great majority are mixed raced people.


It's your move!

Maurice

Wise Dating

The Bible can be used as a guideline £or dating, because wisdom comes

£rom God. God included wisdom in the Bible and we are to live by every

word o£ God. (Eph. 5:15-17)

The £ollowing dating guideline is a paraphrase o£ something I heard

over a decade ago and is the best approach to dating in every situation

for everyone involved.

There are four levels of a wise dating relationship:

LEVEL ONE Platonic friends: Dating and making a point of having various

CHRISTIAN £riends of the opposite sex. Guarding your a££ections (giving

equal time to each friend, and not being totally alone with your date)

have RECIPROCAL friendships. It is very important to, regardless o£ how

much you like someone, be honest with yoursel£ and remain platonic

friends £or a minimum of (I believe) six months. 1 Cor. 6:14-18. Amos

3:3, Song 8:4, Prov. 4:23, 18:13. 2 Tim. 3:5-7, Matt. 7:20-21

LEVEL TWO PIatonic special £riends ("boyfriend and girlfriend", or best

friends): A£ter £inding someone reasonably similar, exclusively dating

them, talking about marriage, counseling with a minister, or if possible

taking a marriage compatibility test. (Prov. 11:14, 15:22)

LEVEL THREE Platonic engagement: Making plans and setting up the marital

arrangements. The engagement period should be short.

LEVEL FOUR Christian marriage: Till death do you part, with the only

exception for divorce being adultery (Matt. 5:31-32).

Your goal and desire in marriage shouldn't be to find the person of YOUR dreams (which doesn't exist), but to find the one God can bless you with.  Also it's unwise to claim you’re in love at first sight or have a "world wind relationship". There is no wise or legitimate reason to speed up the time it takes to develop a relationship, even if you were stranded on a

deserted island with the person of your dreams; realistically if you were

stranded on a island, you wouldn't know for sure how long you would be

stranded. By dating this way a man and woman could marry anywhere from

seven months to fifty plus years o£ meeting; Or remain platonic as

friends or best £riends (1st or 2nd level) £or the rest of their lives.

So here you are a wise dating strategy that's totally fool and game

proo£.

Let me know what you think.

P.S.

Wisdom is ...

W> orkable  (practical)

I> nsightful  (grasping inner things)

S> ound  (logical)  

D> iscerning (distinguishing truth from error)

O> bserving  (quick & keen perception)

M> oral  (principled in right & wrong)

Proverbs 8 says that wisdom dwells together with prudence, and walks in the way of righteousness along the paths of justice.

Maurice, 1998