Meek not Weak in Family Crisis
On Friday, August 18, 2017 Maurice and I went to see a doctor about his persistent back pain. We had no clue that this visit would turn into a weekend-long nightmare admission to the hospital in the coronary care unit. This month, the W.I.N. ladies have been studying meekness and how to apply and practice it in everyday life. Well....what a challenge for me as a wife this was going to turn out to be!
First they drew tons of blood and samples of every other specimen that a body can produce. Then came all the X-rays, MRIs and CT scans. Lastly was the bone biopsy. This was when I almost lost it.... Our boys were being tossed from house to house and neither of us were working at all. This was the worst medical situation that we ever experienced in our marriage of 16 years. We were both sleep deprived and emotionally spent, yet, we had to simply trust God and wait for what the future held for us. I am a nurse as many of you know, so how come I did not see this coming? I knew that God was allowing us to go through this but I had no idea why.
My husband was strong in spirit but physically weak and I had never ever seen him like this! They began whispering about lesions growing on his bones and the possibility of cancer. CANCER!! We had no significant history of that at all and Maurice had no reason to suddenly develop it. No smoking, drinking, drugs or other reason for that diagnosis that was apparent to us. It was disheartening to say the least. I knew what the worst could be. I cried. I prayed. I held on to faith in the Healer.
We waited to hear if it was really true or not.
Just seeing my husband lying in a hospital bed was enough to undo me. When he slept, just lying there, he looked weak, but when he spoke, he spoke in faith. He said "If this is God's will for me...so be it." and "We are just getting closer to our heavenly reward". Can I be honest here and say that I wanted him to shut up. "Stop saying that", I thought, but I didn't know what I wanted him to say. There were a couple of moments that I visited the chapel and just poured out to God in a language that I did not understand. I let the tears fall again in the waiting room of the CCU. Could I be meek in this situation? I was certainly dependent. Everything was completely out of my control. I did manage to just serve and keep my own mouth shut. Just keep helping Anita. You are His helper. Serve in meekness. God can be glorified in this situation. Humble yourself. God is with you.
He really was with me through it all.
Perhaps I was not as weak as I felt. After all, the strength of God was within in me and He never fails! My meekness was a strength, not of my own doing, but by His grace. He empowered me to serve and to display strength for both of us when one of us was down. The Bible says that two are better than one. (Ephesians 4: 9-12)
Waiting persisted. Pain persisted. I could choose to be impatient or to use this wait in a wise way. We started broadening the circle of prayer warriors (our church, more family and good friends). Visitors began to arrive and we still had no definitive answers as to what was the true root of this condition. I had a conversation with our boys about this time and answered their questions. I had to be positive and hopeful for them and that helped me so much. In between the moments of tears where moments of inspiration. My sons were a touch of normalcy for me - therapeutic even. Surrounding myself with children was a great idea. They made me feel better.
There were birds outside of Maurice's hospital room that gathered every morning and I was reminded of the verse that says that if God takes care of the birds, how much more will He care for you (Matthew 6: 26-34). The Lord was taking care of us. He was admitted on a Friday and finally on the next Thursday we were still waiting on a report.
On that Friday morning, we called the oncologist who confirmed that he had kappa light chain multiple myeloma. We were ready to hear it, but not ready to receive it.....at all.
Every day is hard.
I will not fear. (Psalm 23:4). I will not be anxious about anything. (Phillippians 4:6-7). We will walk together towards God.
First they drew tons of blood and samples of every other specimen that a body can produce. Then came all the X-rays, MRIs and CT scans. Lastly was the bone biopsy. This was when I almost lost it.... Our boys were being tossed from house to house and neither of us were working at all. This was the worst medical situation that we ever experienced in our marriage of 16 years. We were both sleep deprived and emotionally spent, yet, we had to simply trust God and wait for what the future held for us. I am a nurse as many of you know, so how come I did not see this coming? I knew that God was allowing us to go through this but I had no idea why.
My husband was strong in spirit but physically weak and I had never ever seen him like this! They began whispering about lesions growing on his bones and the possibility of cancer. CANCER!! We had no significant history of that at all and Maurice had no reason to suddenly develop it. No smoking, drinking, drugs or other reason for that diagnosis that was apparent to us. It was disheartening to say the least. I knew what the worst could be. I cried. I prayed. I held on to faith in the Healer.
We waited to hear if it was really true or not.
Just seeing my husband lying in a hospital bed was enough to undo me. When he slept, just lying there, he looked weak, but when he spoke, he spoke in faith. He said "If this is God's will for me...so be it." and "We are just getting closer to our heavenly reward". Can I be honest here and say that I wanted him to shut up. "Stop saying that", I thought, but I didn't know what I wanted him to say. There were a couple of moments that I visited the chapel and just poured out to God in a language that I did not understand. I let the tears fall again in the waiting room of the CCU. Could I be meek in this situation? I was certainly dependent. Everything was completely out of my control. I did manage to just serve and keep my own mouth shut. Just keep helping Anita. You are His helper. Serve in meekness. God can be glorified in this situation. Humble yourself. God is with you.
He really was with me through it all.
Perhaps I was not as weak as I felt. After all, the strength of God was within in me and He never fails! My meekness was a strength, not of my own doing, but by His grace. He empowered me to serve and to display strength for both of us when one of us was down. The Bible says that two are better than one. (Ephesians 4: 9-12)
Waiting persisted. Pain persisted. I could choose to be impatient or to use this wait in a wise way. We started broadening the circle of prayer warriors (our church, more family and good friends). Visitors began to arrive and we still had no definitive answers as to what was the true root of this condition. I had a conversation with our boys about this time and answered their questions. I had to be positive and hopeful for them and that helped me so much. In between the moments of tears where moments of inspiration. My sons were a touch of normalcy for me - therapeutic even. Surrounding myself with children was a great idea. They made me feel better.
There were birds outside of Maurice's hospital room that gathered every morning and I was reminded of the verse that says that if God takes care of the birds, how much more will He care for you (Matthew 6: 26-34). The Lord was taking care of us. He was admitted on a Friday and finally on the next Thursday we were still waiting on a report.
On that Friday morning, we called the oncologist who confirmed that he had kappa light chain multiple myeloma. We were ready to hear it, but not ready to receive it.....at all.
Every day is hard.
I will not fear. (Psalm 23:4). I will not be anxious about anything. (Phillippians 4:6-7). We will walk together towards God.
Anita your are such an admirable women Of God. Even during such a difficult time, you're strong and you're inspiring others. I will of course continue to keep your husband at the rest of the family in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThe righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. Psalms 34:17
Sorry for my delay in responding Latonya. We thank you for your continued prayers. Our strength is in the Lord always.
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