Time Apart in Marriage?

Many people subscribe to the idea of time spent apart while married is healthy while others suggest that being seen together more is better for the relationship. Let's look at the pluses and minuses of both!

Being Apart

Does absence make the heart grow fonder really? Taking some time away from your spouse can be refreshing and give one a sense of relief from the norm. It has become a more common thing for spouses to have a girls or guys night out or even a weekend, or a whole week. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right?

There is a great sense of relief to step out of the norm and spend some time with others besides your husband or wife. Most people do not think of this time as a vacation from their family but rather a time to get refreshed and bring their best selves back to their families.

The demands of home can be daunting and feel overwhelming. So having someone else cook for a change, or being able to really binge your favorite sport with the guys can be exhilarating for a while. 

Being Together

At some point however, you should miss your spouse and long to return to them. After all, isn't that what marriage is about. You go from being single and longing to spend every single moment together to hoping to "catch a breather" with just friends.

In the Bible, there really is nothing that speaks to being away from your marriage partner except the physical aspect of pausing intimacy for a time to seek the Lord during prayer and fasting. Some could make the case that being apart could lead to adultery, fornication and pornography temptations and should therefore be avoided as much as possible. 

Some say "don't look single if you are not". Hopefully, spending time away does not involve something akin to a bachelor or bachelorette party. In addition, shouldn't your spouse be closer to you than anyone, share your secrets and be your closest friend?

What We Think

We had an interesting discussion about this and found ourselves on different sides of this controversy. We disagreed about there being a need to be together all the time, and that having away time can be healthy. We agreed that spouses should always represent their marriage wherever they go and with whoever they are around.

It is up to each couple to decide if time away is something that both parties can agree on and for how long. Knowing your own spouse and making this decision together is the most important part. There is no sin against spending some time apart, but the Bible does encourage spouses to get back together soon to do what married people do! 

Do not deprive each other [of marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves [unhindered] to prayer, but come together again so that Satan will not tempt you [to sin] because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5 

                                     

                                      What are your thoughts? We would love to hear from you too!

Hagar's Side

This week I will be meditating some on the life of Hagar. Initially she was in a position of privilege although she was Sarah's handmaiden. To be that close to such a wealthy woman of a blessed man of God was special. Perhaps she took too much upon herself and her pride came before herin positions of privilege we have to be careful not to think too highly of ourselves.

Hagar a woman who was pushed to the side. First of all she was a slave and secondly she was a wife who was refused. Speaking against her mistress cost her great trials in her life. Sometimes it makes me think that one little incident can cause a world of trouble. Hagar fled from Sarah, being pregnant as Abraham's second wife. They were not getting along.

Sometimes it is the words of our mouths that open up the gates to unthinkable repercussions. However, Hagar was also a wise woman. She learned from her mistakes unlike other characters in the Bible. She knew the voice of God and obey him immediately when He told her to return. Although she ran away the first time, she also repented in haste and she and her son were blessed.

One thing that I noticed was that Abraham and Sarah never asked her to return. She was sent out but it was God who told her to go back. She may have had some fear since she left on bad terms, but obedience was better than the  sacrifice she was about to make. The Bible does not mention it, but I suspect that God was already working in Abraham and Sarah's heart to receive her back again. We just know that they did.

Another irony we see in this story is Ishmael himself. Although he is the legitimate first born of Abraham, he is not "the chosen one" of promise. Sarah was uneasy about Isaac & Ishmael being together & Hagar was put out. Some of us are paying for our parents mistakes. Some people in our family consider us to BE that mistake. We were the outcasts, those left for dead and the subject of the family tales. But God does not make mistakes. No child is ever a mistake. God promised Hagar that a great Nation would be built through her. God has a wonderful plan for our lives. Whenever we make the choice to obey Him, we can get back on track.

Sometimes God wants us to revisit hurtful situations in our lives. He may be asking us to forgive. Perhaps we need to correct a situation in which we spoke in haste. Maybe God is showing you yourself through the life of Hagar.

Divorce did not exist in those days but she was cast out. It was just as bad. Perhaps that is calling you to reconcile with your spouse, or perhaps He is freeing you from future hurt. Whatever God is telling you to do, be like Hagar and do it immediately. Obedience is better than the sacrifice of disobedience.