Sexuality in Marriage

There are a lot of buzzwords going around about sexuality right now. Not only homosexuality (same gender sex), but MSP (mutiple sex partners) which may be male or female. There is talk of being attracted to either gender (polyamorosity) and not so much about monogamy in marriage anymore. Then there are the topics of adultery, fornication, masturbation and sin in general. 

We want to be clear about where we stand and what the Bible has to say about such topics. Instead of trying to define these things out and explain our position, we will let the scriptures speak for themselves.

According to the Holy Bible:

Romans 1:24-32

Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: 25Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

26For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; 29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 32Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Leviticus 18:22

22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Mark 10:6-12

But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 10And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. 11And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. 12And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

1 Corinthians 6:19

19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

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Allow the Holy Spirit to convict and change your heart if there is any sin there (not just sexual). God does not want us to live in guilt, condemnation or confusion. He is able not only to make you born again in the spirit, but in your mind and affections. Ask Him to do the work. Pray for a Holy marriage that honors its Designer!

Prayer:

Father, you do all things well including relationships. Forgive us for using sex in a manner that is not pleasing to you. Cleanse us from past wrongs and renew our minds, bodies and spirits. We relinquish any soul ties and ask you for cleansing and healing. We dedicate our minds, hearts, souls and bodies to you. Give us wisdom and help us to enjoy married sex with our spouse of opposite gender as you intended and command. Please rebuke the enemy for any retaliation or condemnation that he may try to hold over us. We are free in Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Intimately Us

 Life is busy. It is also very familiar with your same spouse. Anyone who has been married over a yearcould attest that newness is welcome in marriage to keep things.....well, fresh! Enter Intimately Us.

This is an amazing app for married christian couples. I have never seen a app that you can literally "share" with your spouse. After you sync your account to theirs, you can add your likes, dislikes, wishes and dreams, and the app sends messages and suggestions to your spouse for you! 

It has a calendar to track your dating habits and intimate times together, fun games to play and daily challenges as well as reminders and ideas.

Want education? You can watch videos and hear from their sexperts and all about healthy sexuality and open communication between you and your spouse. There are sections about overcoming difficulties and emotional stress in marriage too!

There is also a flirty chat app within the app called "Just Between Us" where you can send special texts to your spouse and receive secret notifications to keep things spicy when you are apart...or together, lol. 

This app is free and designed by a christian company that desires to inspire more intimacy in christian marriages. It is unique and very professionally put together. I also love how direct it is. If you have questions about sex or intimacy you can also ask questions. Did we mention that it is also FREE?? Go to www.intimately.us to find out even more features and how to download on your devices.

Check it out and let us know what you and your spouse think of it :)

Marriage of the Sexes

God has created each and every one of us
with a specific gender. We are created with the specific gender for a specific purpose. When we enter marriage, gender is of paramount importance.

A woman looking, acting and being female is God's design. A man who looks, acts and embraces masculinity is also God's design.
We are designed in a different way  physically for God's purposes and for our pleasure. Being male is for men and being female is for women. Embracing our separate roles can help our marriages to thrive.

 Have you ever notice that the more feminine a woman is the more attractive to a real man she becomes? The same goes for men. When they are truly masculine women are attracted to them.  God made us to be magnets for one another; magnets that are hard to very separate from one another.

 In marriage, we reach one of the major goals for why we were created. It says in the book of Genesis that one of our goals is to reproduce and to multiply (Genesis 1:27,28, KJV). This refers to more than just physical procreation, but also to spiritual growth. Physically we manifest what we should also be doing spiritually.

 When a person is born again they become a new creature. We start in a baby phase if you will, and we have to grow up into maturity and reproducing other disciples. In the same way our physical bodies grow from infancy to adulthood into a state where we can reproduce and have children.

 Reproduction can only take place with a male and a female.  An egg and a sperm must unite in order for reproduction to take place as God designed it. An egg and a sperm have to be united in order for this to happen. It is natural.

 The supernatural happens when we fully embrace the gender that God has assigned us and we use it for His glory alone. In marriage, God only calls us to be exactly what He created us to be - either male or female. In this way we become a mirror of Christ and His Church to the world.

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church."
Ephesians 5:31‭-‬32 KJV

When we attempt to change our sex or to manipulate our gender identity, we rock the foundation of who we are and we minimize our potential in the Earth.

 Since marriage in The Bible is defined by one man and one woman in loving relationship which leads to procreation and recreation, we directly oppose God's design when we do anything otherwise.

Fully enjoy marriage. Fully enjoy sex. Fully be who God intended you to be!

How to Talk to Teens about Sex, Marriage and Relationships

We play a lot of games in our home. With two boys growing quickly into men, we find ourselves working hard to keep the lines of communication open. Games are a great way to do that for us. We have been surprised at how often they will ask the most amazing questions. We have come to realize that games provide a fantastic opportunity to impart wisdom and character into the lives of our children (while we still have the chance). 

There are two brands that we would like to recommend to your family. Harvest Time Partners (Harvesttimepartners.com) and Breakout Games (breakoutgames.com). They both offer various unique and fun games. They encourage group play, conversation and thinking skills that are crucial for young people to develop as they mature into adulthood. 

Video games, online games, board games and ANY game is a great way to spark conversation, but the other way is just as easy and it's FREE!

The second way to talk to your teens about marriage and other things is simply to talk to them!! Sure there are books, videos and games but here are three ways to talk to them - like with just you and nothing else.

1. Share your experiences. One of the best ways that we have reached our sons has been to simply tell the story of our sex journey, marriage, victories and defeats. NOTHING beats a real life example of following God through this part of life. Our kids need to know that we are not perfect. They also need to know that they can live holy despite what the world impresses on them.

2. Pray with them. Yup. Prayer is talking and you can communicate a lot through your prayers in their hearing. Let them hear your concern to God for them and their future. Ask for His forgiveness and let your children hear you quote the Word of God back to God Himself. Family prayer does not have to be long or elaborate. Talk to God about your real worries, fears and hopes. You will be teaching them as you do so. Lord willing, they will do the same with your future grandchildren.

3. Talk about media. While we scroll the internet, listen to radio in the car, watch tv or a movie, we discuss the implications of their behavior or the words to that song. Ask questions during commercials or in between songs like: Why is this a bad idea for someone who says they are a christian? Would you be able to tell that this person follows Jesus if this was their lifestyle? What consequences or rewards do you think that taking this action will have in the future? If you repeat these lyrics out loud would the Bible agree? Why or why not?

We hope this was helpful! What other ideas do YOU have for discussing these topics with your teens? We would love to hear your suggestions in the comments.

Intimacy all year long - Seven things to remember

This year, we want to start off with a BANG! Here are seven things that every married couple should keep in mind when thinking about sex and intimacy in their relationship. We will discuss them in the form of an acronym - I.N.T.I.M.A.C.Y. Hopefully it will help you to remember each of the seven suggestions. We are definitely not sex therapists, but after being married for 17 years (will be 18 this year by God's grace) and 2 kids, we think we could help someone a little. Intimacy does not equate to sex, but many times it leads to intercourse. That is what we are referring to here today. Here they are!

(This post contains an affiliate link through which we may earn a commission on sales.)

I - Investigate each other

(Genesis 4:25, kjv) When we married, Anita was a virgin and so everything about everything sexually related was new. But she is a nurse, so she had book knowledge but not experiential knowledge. In any case, learning the body of your spouse can be an adventure. Use all your senses and grow more comfortable with each other. Even if you have been married for a long time, there is still more to learn. Adam knew his wife, then he knew his wife again!

Fun Idea: Count how many moles your spouse has. Who has the most? Can you find them all?

N - Nurture everything else

(Matthew 7:12, kjv) Any woman will tell you that everything else outside of the bedroom affects what happens in the bedroom! Do not expect warmth in the sexual arena when your relationship has been cold for days.

When we do not eat well, get sleep or take care of ourselves emotionally, sex is not sexy.

Something as simple as making sure that you both are warm enough is important. If your spouse is sick, it probably is not the best time to make advances. A growling stomach, a real headache or screaming kids can be a real turnoff. Attempt to resolve outside issues so that your time together is mutually pleasurable.

Fun Idea: Pick a day to go about your daily chores at home. Stay NAKED. Close all blinds and curtains. Time how long it takes to do you-know-what.

T - Take your time

Love is patient ( 1 Corinthians 13:1, kjv). Do not make it hard for your spouse to ask for sex and do not play games with their emotions. Be careful to show deference to them during intercourse and be polite. There have been times that we had to plan or schedule intimate times together. One of us is all about that scheduled life and the other loves a spur of the moment tumble in the sheets (guess which one).

It may take a while to discover what your spouse likes best. You have to be patient and expect the best from each other. Showing grace when things do not go as planned is kind.

Fun Idea: Set a time each day to kiss. Mark the date you started doing this and celebrate the anniversary. Or start your own intimate tradition.

I - Identify the issues

There will always be issues in your married sex life. Same partner, same place and same position could lead to boredom. Cleanliness could be an issue. Or perhaps one of you is really hoping for children and they are motivated to have sex just for that reason. Some couples struggle with it being too hot or cold in the environment. 

We have to remember that we are most vulnerable when we are intimate. 

Some couples do not take the time to discuss hurt feelings or words spoken in anger before, during or after sex. It is never wise to compare sexual experiences outside of your relationship either. Do share what you are feeling or thinking. Keeping those thoughts internalized harms the relationship. 

Once you have identified the problem, pray about it together. God designed sex remember? He knows how to make this thing work!

Fun Idea: Have sex blindfolded. See if you have any issues....or not.

M - More of them, Less of You

Seek to please your spouse. (Philippians 2:4) Oftentimes, one partner complains about the other. "I wish he would do this". "I wish she would be ok with this". If it is not sinful, why not try it?? God gave you a life partner. Try to give them great memories and happy moments with you. Perhaps one person wants more sex and the other is not interested. Remember what the Word says in 1 Corinthians 7:5 - don't hold back unless you are fasting.

If you are not single, celibate or impotent, stop acting like it!

Fun Idea: Ask your spouse about their ideal intimate moment with every detail. Plan for it.

A - Acts of Worship

Sex is a holy act. (Hebrews 13:4, kjv) It is a physical covenant between one man and one woman (just in case you were wondering). Do not contaminate it with outside people or things. We are not here to tell you how to run your sex life. We are here to encourage you to enjoy the benefits of God's design for intimacy within its confines. 

Food is great, but too much or too little is hardly beneficial for the human body. Sex is similar. We have God-given desire for it, but we cannot think that it does not come with principles and instruction from the manufacurer. Sex at the wrong time with the wrong intentions, in the wrong place in the wrong way is a recipe for disaster and an avenue for the enemy. 

Adultery, fornication, bestiality, orgies and other paraphilia are not of God. The closer you are to God, the more you will be able to discern when you are grieving the Holy Spirit with your body.

Fun Idea: Read Song of Solomon aloud for your spouse and insert their name in the scriptures.

C - Communicate

If it bothers you, speak up! If you like it - SAY SO! It works both ways. We have a great habit of thanking each other after a really great intimate moment. Never take your spouse for granted. They could be mean, disinterested and just "going through the motions". If that is the case, discussion is warranted. 

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Think carefully how and when to address your spouse with difficult conversations.

Fun Idea: Communicate without words. Feel free to use signals, gestures or any other creative way to say what you cannot say with speech :)

Y - Yield

Yield your bodies to one another - willingly, often and happily.


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Kissing for your Health!

It's TRUE! I am not just saying that because I am a nursing educator. Obviously, I have bonafide statistical, analytical reasoning behind such a statement. But I have to also say, that I know it to be true myself. As one who has kissed and been kissed for many years, I have a wealth of knowledge regarding this. Lol. Ok, so let's get to the real deal here.

A really good passionate kiss on the lips will stimulate a lot of things including more blood to your tissues and saliva to your mouth. It lowers your blood pressure and can help with cramps. It also feels good because you are releasing your happy hormone - oxytocin. It is a neurotransmitter that tells your brain that your body feels good and it also decreases your stress.

When you have all that extra saliva, it actually strengthens your gums and teeth also. Without moisture in your mouth, you are more prone to dental caries and other gum diseases. Dry mouths are uncomfortable anyway, so tell your spouse that you need a kiss for your health! Just make sure that your teeth are brushed and your breath is fresh :)

We "try" to kiss often because it really does connect you physically and emotionally to your mate. Touch is a need and couples need it most. I have spoken and mentored to wives who were starving for some physical attention. Just one touch from some other member of the opposite sex could be a turn on because they are not getting that particular need met at home.

July 2001

It is more than a love language, touch is a marriage glue!

Let me explain. The Bible tells us that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). It also tells us that Eve, his wife desired the fruit that would lead to her sin. It is a desire to experience some sort of oral pleasure. Freud, an extremely popular psychoanalyst, has theorized that there are 5 phases of psychosexual development and that the first is oral. From birth we come to understand that our health and well-being is centered around what we do with our mouths. That is carried in to adulthood and we recognize and remember what makes us happy. Eating is one way, kissing is another. Maybe if Adam was busying Eve with the reproduce and multiply assignment from God.....jk (I digress).

However, not everyone is a kisser per se. For example, a light peck is ok for some, but other spouses may complain that they don't get those epic, passionate 5-hour make-out sessions that they see on TV. Let me give you some advice:

DO NOT compare your relationship to anyone else's - real or imagined!

Decide with your spouse what works for you. You may have to give a few more kisses or not quite so many. Your husband or wife may have a fantasy of kissing in a certain way. Why not try it? There is a time to kiss and a time to refrain from kissing as well just like everything else (Ecclesiastes 3). Some guys shy away from lipstick while others don't care. Sometimes location or ambiance is key. Your spouse may prefer a certain mood or music. Perhaps none of those things matter at all. But do Kiss! Do it for the culture. Do it for your health!

What we learned about Love and Sex in Marriage

We have been married for 15 years. That is a lot of close up "getting to know you time". In those intimate times together, we have had our share of really great sex, ok sex, make-up sex and "I'm doing this just for you" sex. Like most couples, these times have varied in length of time, location and type. Here are a few things that we would tell another couple about their married sex life.

Make a Commitment

When I asked Maurice what his biggest piece of advice is, he mentioned how important it was to not commit adultery. This would require that the male in the relationship must guard his eyes and mind. Watch what you watch and listen to. Temptation abounds, so it is best to assume that you are not as strong as you think you are whether male or female! You have to let your spouse know that you are there for them when they need you. In I Corinthians 7:2-5, the Bible tells us that the best way to avoid cheating is to have lots of sex often. Remember that your body no longer belongs to you. Don't play silly mind games. Make a commitment to love, honor and cherish the needs of your spouse.

Get to Know Them

Every person is different. We have different bodies and are capable and incapable of certain things. All newlyweds, from infinity, came into marriage with certain expectations. TV and other media "teach us" what sex should be like. It is only with time that we really get to know the person we love.

This is no one night stand!!

All christian marriages should expect to last til death do us part. That is the only expectation in sex as well - we will work it out and be together. If one thing does not work for your spouse, it will not work for you and vice versa. The goal of good sex is mutual satisfaction. What does your spouse need? What do you need? You can't complain if you don't communicate! Commit to be there for each other no matter what. Learn how to please and to serve your mate. You owe that to our spouse because you vowed to be faithful to them alone. You want them coming back to you over and over (pun intended :)


Sex is temporary

The truth is that there is no sex or marriage in heaven. Marriage is the most important relationship on earth, but not so in eternity. With that in mind, make the most of it! The feelings that come with sex are fleeting after every experience. However, your body adjusts to your spouse over time and all the hormones and enzymes in your brain draw you closer together. God has literally designed our bodies to be One! Sex is a picture of Christ, His Church and the Oneness that it represents. It is physical, mental and spiritual....but temporary. It is not everything, but it is one of the glues that holds us together.

Intimacy is KEY

If your whole marriage relationship revolves around your sex life, it will be short-lived. Sex in marriage is for procreation and recreation, but what if...you can't, they can't...it's not happening. Your marriage has to survive on more than the blessings that sex provides.

Hopefully, by understanding the three previous points, you and your spouse will have a rich relationship that outlasts sex. When we are both very old and grey, tired and worn out physically, hopefully we will have years and years of memories that keep us close. Marriage is like a padlock - nothing comes in and no one goes out. We fit each other. In our last days, we will be intimate in the very best way - because we were faithful to each other.

Til death do we part.....

Check out a couple of our most popular posts about sex:

Communion, Sex and Church

Purity is Better

How is your Love Life?

Love is such a misunderstood word. It's an emotion, an action, a noun, a verb and unfortunately, whatever else that we say it is...

We were created to love and to be loved by others. It is a beautiful thing to observe two people in a loving relationship. Whether that is family or friends or spouses, love SHOWS! Even pets that are well cared for are healthier and happier. Your physical heart health is improved through loving relationships. Did you know that? 

So when we ask you how your love life is...what we are really asking is How good are you at loving others and letting others love you? Many times we are impressed when others show us love in a way that we understand and appreciate. How about when their love is misunderstood.

We often have received the cutest little insignificant objects from our sons as an act of love to us on their part. Its not our favorite thing, or in our favorite color. We have no use for whatever that was that they created in the art class or summer camp.

Any clue how I can use these?

Gee thanks boys...lol!

We appreciate their acts of kindness and their thoughtfulness, but it is of no practical use to us. We laugh about the things that have come through our home that were made and done to show love. Have you ever had someone give you something that you are allergic to? How about if someone goes all out of their way to give you some food items that you absolutely hate? Learning to appreciate the person's gesture is very kind. However, when someone loves you in a way that you can feel and understand and acknowledge that is different. 

When Love is reciprocal and mutual, it will blow your mind! You will treasure those memories in your heart forever. Now that is truly the goal! When most people refer to your love life, they are talking about sex. You can have sex with someone and it is just okay for you. They tried their best it was....well, just sex. Then there are other times when both parties are mutually satisfied and plateaus are reached and Heaven touches Earth! Fireworks! Touchdown! That is the goal!!

God has given us opportunities to know and experience love primarily through the relationships that we experience here on Earth. His goal is not for you to just be loved or for you to just show love, but for both sides of your love life to be equally satisfying.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16, KJV) 

Now that's love! It was love that expressed itself and is waiting for reciprocation. So how is your love life?

Marriage Investment

Marriage is a gift from God. Like anything given to us, we must steward it properly. Invest in it. Multiply your love. Cultivate your relationship. Tend to your spouse. When we stand before God, our marriages will be weighed in the balance. We long to hear the Lord say "Well done. You have been good & faithful!"

How do we make this practical in our day to day lives?

Here are a few things we do:

1. Physical affection
Sex is important, but hugs, kisses, holding hands and love pats are needed too! You don't have to get naked to show your love (although we highly suggest it on a regular basis!). We touch often, every time we think to do so. It lets your spouse know that you are thinking of them. So, especially for the ladies, make your skin "touchable". It makes a big difference! Stay clean, fresh and ready for ....whatever!

2. Spiritual nourishment
Don't keep your spiritual life to yourself. It is great to spend quality time with God alone, but God did not make man to be alone. It is one of the primary reasons why he created women. Think about that! We were created to do life together, even spending time with God together. In the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve they spent time with God together on a regular basis. When was the last time you prayed or read the Bible TOGETHER. Start today!

3. Emotional investments
Some people say that women need this more than men, but we disagree. Guys need to be told how amazing they are by their wives. Women need to feel secure in their relationships emotionally. So take the time to encourage, uplift and inspire your spouse. When they do well, mention it. When they do poorly, be there for them. We are emotional creatures and need to invest in each other. You are supposed to be your spouse's biggest cheerleader!

Loving my Husband

If love is an action word, how do I "perform" it as a wife? Well, there is the obvious physical intimacy that I can willingly offer and receive from my husband, but sometimes, my love needs to be a real sacrifice. I could just hear someone saying that depending on their mood, sex would be a sacrifice...lol!

Well, today my husband called from work and wanted a special meal and.....well, my heart was not in the right place. I was thinking about how I wish someone would fix my favorite foods, cater to me, spoil me. How sad that I can let those selfish thoughts creep in! Then I remembered how my husband had so thoughtfully served me the weekend before. He did some things out of his "comfort zone" for me and my heart softened. We have to train our hearts and minds to mold themselves to the Word of God. Put others before yourself is what the Bible says.

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.." Philippians 2:3

Another time, my sweet husband rescued me from the highway when my car decided to break down. I had to wait a long while and I was tempted to be impatient. Then the sweet Holy Spirit reminded me that He blessed me with a husband who cared enough to see about me in my distress and I repented in my heart and was able to welcome him with a smile of gratefulness.

I thank God for the gentle nudges throughout the day to remind me of the Word of God already hidden in my heart. You will find that if you store the Word of God that you will always have enough for those "winter" season situations, monthly emotions and ebbs and flows in marriage. Loving your husband will just be the overflow of what God has already invested.

Challenge: For you wives out there, find something specific that your husband enjoys and do it with him. You could make a favorite meal or watch the game with him. Surprise him by showing some interest. After all, you are One!

Lust

It's not just "a guy thing"







This video is taken from the "Woman 2 Woman" conference hosted by Changed Hearts: I Am Woman (www.changedheartsunited.com)

To be Equally Yoked

We always talk about what it is to be unequally yoked, but what about Walking Together. Consider these things:

Spiritual gifts

As husband and wife, our spiritual gifts will naturally complement each other because they are both of the Spirit. Fruit on the same tree may look slightly different,  but we are attached to the same supply!

Business

Spouses are mutual benefactors from financial prosperity. We are one body and the support of your spouse in business translates to tons of growth (economically and for future generations). When you sow together, you reap together and twice as much!

Dreams & Aspirations

No one should be a bigger cheerleader of your dreams than your spouse! Do your part to support and encourage. You do not want to be the person who kills the dream.

Ministry

Like in business, sowing and reaping together has its benefits. We must always pray for one another that we will be directed by God as a couple. Your marriage has purpose and ministering together will always be effective!

Soul Tied (in the best way)

Sex! Have lots of it. If you are not single, make it your goal to keep your marriage spicy. Soul ties involve your whole being - mind, body & soul. Be unforgettable for your spouse and be ready to get back that favor in return! 

Communion, Sex and the Church of Jesus Christ

Questions for Discussion & Reflection

1. Have you taken of communion unworthily? How can you change that?

2. Fasting is essential. Are you holding fast or taking communion? Is this what you should be doing at this time?

3. If you are married, communion should be part of your lifestyle. How can you improve your sex life to the glory of God?

4. Unity in the body was the prayer of Jesus in the book of John chapter 17. Read this prayer and pray with Christ!