The Grace Pause for a Stable Marriage

This is our 25th Anniversary Month!! 

Busy summer schedules and sudden irritations can easily cause our marital dynamics to fluctuate. God calls us to step off the emotional rollercoaster and plant our feet on solid ground. “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable...” (1 Corinthians 15:58a, KJV). Let us explore how to transition from reactionary feelings to unwavering covenant consistency this month. After many years of bumping heads, we now try to implement what we call, "The Grace Pause"...

The Trap of Fleeting Feelings

It is all too easy to let fleeting moods dictate how we treat our spouse (especially for women during that time of the month). When we allow daily stressors, fatigue, or minor frustrations to control our tone and attitude, we fall into the trap of instability. Our emotions become as unpredictable as changing tides, shaking the security of our home. Marriage cannot thrive when it is anchored to something as shifting as human feelings. Covenant consistency requires us to intentionally choose love and kindness, even when our temporary emotions tell us to do otherwise.

The Warning of Reuben

Jacob gave a sobering prophetic word concerning his firstborn: “Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel...” (Genesis 49:4, KJV). Water takes the shape of whatever container holds it; it has no stable structure of its own. When we mirror this instability in our marriage, we compromise our marital growth and spiritual inheritance. An excellent marriage requires a firm structural foundation. God desires your covenant to be a rock-solid sanctuary, entirely unmoved by temporary emotional storms or the demands of a hectic season.

Activating the "Grace Pause"

How do we break the cycle of emotional reactivity? By implementing the "grace pause." Before responding to a sudden irritation or a harsh word, intentionally pause for three seconds. It takes practice for sure! This moment allows the Holy Spirit to recalibrate your heart. Scripture reminds us, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19, KJV). Use that brief moment to choose an edifying response rather than a defensive reaction, building stability one conversation at a time.

Marital excellence is built on steady, predictable love, modeled after Christ's unwavering devotion to us. This summer, let us cast off the instability of changing water and embrace the security of the Rock. Commit to practicing the "grace pause" together this week. “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:6, KJV). May the Lord richly anchor your hearts, steady your steps, and bless your marriage with enduring peace. 

Guarding the Gates: Family Stability in a Digital World

While scripture warns against being "unstable as water," it calls us to build an unshakeable foundation. In today's noisy world, maintaining marital and family stability requires us to be active gatekeepers. We cannot allow the chaotic currents of society to slip into our homes unnoticed. “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable...” (1 Corinthians 15:58a, KJV). Let us explore how to guard our family camp’s alignment and protect our household's peace this summer.

The Danger of Outside Alignment

A study of the wives of Dathan and Abiram with Anita's Wifestyle Image Network, warns us against aligning with rebellion and discontent. A stable marriage thrives when a husband and wife protect their unified front, refusing to let toxic outside influences sow seeds of discord. Both of you must discern and then decide to keep your marriage and household safe from sin - little fozes that spoil vines.

Guard your covenant against gossip, worldly advice, and comparison. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3, KJV). Stand shoulder-to-shoulder, ensuring your collective steps are firmly established in God’s truth. By filtering out negative outside voices, you secure a fortress of absolute peace for your family.

Guarding the Digital Gates (Media)

An unstable home often begins with unguarded screens. Media, entertainment, and social platforms can quietly erode biblical values and compromise your spiritual atmosphere at home. As spouses, we must aggressively audit what we allow past our threshold. At our house, we even intentionally put oil on our doors and pray over gifts entering our home.

“I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes...” (Psalm 101:3a, KJV). 

Intentionally filter the digital noise in your living spaces. We limited the social media in our home for many years by not allowing R-rated material at all, and all screens would shut down via a timer at 9pm. When couples align on digital boundaries, they protect their intimacy from external distractions and keep their hearts anchored in the Lord. This can be hard to define the media line, but work on this with your spouse to have set rules. It's important to guard your gates; your peace depends on it.

Shielding Our Children

The choices we make as gatekeepers directly affect our children’s hearts and minds. Children are highly vulnerable to the cultural currents flowing through modern media. We must courageously shield them from spiritual instability, teaching them to discern light from darkness. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6, KJV). We used to discuss what we saw on TV with ours sons on a regular basis. We had discussions comparing it to the Bible and God's standards. By modeling stable, media-mindful behaviors and setting healthy boundaries, we cultivate deep roots of faith that will sustain our children for a lifetime. We trust that those planted seeds will yield right responses in their adult years.

Conclusion

Family stability is not accidental; it is a daily, intentional choice to protect what God has entrusted to you. By guarding your media, filtering outside influences, and shielding your children, you build an unshakeable home. Will you sit down with your spouse tonight and discuss your household boundaries? “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:6, KJV). May the Lord richly bless your home with steadfastness, Christ-like wisdom, and a peace that surpasses all understanding this July. Amen.

The Mckaneys'

Can't Forgive them? Three decluttering ideas...

 

We’ve all been there. You open a closet that’s been neglected all winter, take one look at the clutter, and want to close the door immediately and walk away. Spring cleaning takes effort. It requires us to look at what we’ve accumulated, decide what no longer serves us, and do the heavy lifting of clearing it out.

But as we stand on the edge of summer, I want to step away from our physical spaces for a moment and look at a different kind of clutter. Couples deal with a lot of emotional "dust" in the corners of their marriage, including us.

We are approaching twenty-five years of marriage and it's not by accident.

If we aren't careful, we carry the residual weight of old misunderstandings into a busy new season. To enter summer with a light, joyful heart, we need a simple but powerful tool of everyday diplomacy: Forgiveness.

When Offenses Gather Dust

In diplomacy, we talk about "frozen conflicts"—issues that sit beneath the surface, unresolved, blocking any real progress. In our homes, this looks like the small things we let slide but didn’t actually let go of. A careless word during a stressful work week, a forgotten chore, or a moment where you felt unheard.

Holding onto those pieces of clutter doesn't protect us; it just fills the sacred space of our union with unnecessary friction. Recently, together we cleaned a closet in a spare room in our home that we haven't touched in years. Needless to say, it was horridly filthy. Dust had gathered and it was painful to declutter. Marriage can be like that sometimes...

The Word of God gives us a very practical instruction for this in Ephesians 4:31–32:

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

Notice the phrasing: be put away from you. It’s a choice to gently pack up the bitterness, open the front door of your heart, and carry it out of the house. Forgiveness doesn't mean the hurt didn't happen; it just means you are refusing to live in the clutter of it. Tackle those dirty closets people!

A Gentle Guide to Clearing the Air

To walk together toward God (Amos 3:3), we have to be willing to adjust our pace and lighten our load. Forgiveness is simply the protocol that lets us hit the reset button.

As you look forward to the summer months ahead, here is a relaxed, three-step approach to clearing the air:

1. Acknowledge the Clutter: You don't have to make a grand production out of it. Just be honest with yourself and your spouse. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to "Keep thy heart with all diligence." If a little bit of dust has settled in your communication, it's okay to admit it.

2. Offer a Clean Slate: Forgiveness means deciding not to use past mistakes as leverage in future disagreements. It is an act of grace that mirrors how the Father treats us. Come on - if He can forgive us, we can forgive each other, right?

3. Breathe Fresh Air into the Routine: Once the air is clear, make room for what matters. Plan a quiet date night, laugh together, and protect your peace.

Moving Forward Lightly

Healthy marriages are built deliberately, piece by piece. When we choose forgiveness, we are simply sweeping the porch so that the Lord can continue to build a strong foundation for our family (Psalm 127:1).

Let’s take a deep breath, extend a little extra grace to ourselves and our spouses, and walk into this next season completely unburdened. Let your spring cleaning make way for summer!

The Marriage Covenant as a Diplomatic Mission

                                                           H.E. Dr. Anita Mckaney

In my work as a Peace Ambassador and Chaplain, I often find myself discussing the nuances of international relations and the high-stakes world of diplomacy. We think of diplomacy as something that happens in marble halls or at large roundtables between nations. But as I reflect on the beauty of "walking together towards God," I am reminded that the most important diplomatic mission we will ever lead is the one that takes place within the four walls of our own homes.

Recently on our mission trip to Ghana through The Titus Ten Foundation program, my husband and I had the opportunity to walk royal residential halls in a historic monument to African freedom. After the amazing tour and history lesson, we had the distinct opportunity to sign our names as a testament to this amazing tour and diplomatic mission as a couple. I sentimentally call it the Grace Treaty and this document got me thinking...

The Home as an Embassy

In 2 Corinthians 5:20, the Word tells us, "Now then we are ambassadors for Christ..." An ambassador is a high-ranking official sent by a country as its resident representative in a foreign land. As believers, our citizenship is in Heaven, which makes our marriages the primary "Embassies" of God's Kingdom here on earth! Imagine that. When people look at our union, are they seeing the culture of the Kingdom—peace, love, and reconciliation—or are they seeing the chaos of the world? 

Walking in Agreement

Amos 3:3 asks the poignant question: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" In diplomacy, agreement doesn't mean you never have a difference of opinion. It means you are committed to a shared mission that is greater than your individual preferences. To walk together towards God, a couple must:

1. Maintain Open Channels of Communication: Just as nations must keep dialogue open to avoid conflict, a "Diplomatic Marriage" requires us to be "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (James 1:19).

2. Practice Soft Power: In leadership, "soft power" is the ability to influence through attraction rather than coercion. In marriage, this is the power of a "soft answer" that turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). This is especially important for us wives!

3. Protect the Covenant: An ambassador’s first loyalty is to the government they represent. Our first loyalty in marriage is to the Covenant God established. Always.

The Mission of Reconciliation

As we close out the month of April and look toward the future, I challenge you to view your spouse not just as a partner, but as a fellow diplomat. When you "walk together towards God," you aren't just moving in the same direction; you are representing His character to a world that is desperate for a visual aid of true peace.

Let your home be a place where the "treaty of grace" is signed every morning and where the "peace that passes understanding" guards your doors.

Less Average People

The nations of Genesis 10 have been used as an origin of the "races" proof text and has been very controversial. It has been widely accepted in Christianity that Noah's sons "Japheth is the father of the Caucasian "race", Shem of the Mongoloid race, and Ham of the Negroid race. Some have interpreted Noah's prophecies of his sons in Genesis 9 to be the Scriptural basis for discrimination of one "race" against another. Particularly, the supposed curse on Ham's son, Canaan, was purported to be Biblical support for Negro slavery." "...the majority of European artists and Bible commentators painted and described all biblical characters, including God, as White. This had the effect of excluding blacks from being a part of Scripture and has led some people of color to question the Bible’s relevance to them." "...according to some scholars, there are no black people mentioned." Don't trust another man to tell your story!

I remember hearing back in the 80's, and still today scientist believe that humans originated in Africa. I believe that the Bible and about ninety percent of it's Old Testament people mentioned were predominantly black. The best evidence of this is the Bible itself. Here are some of the adjectives and proper names the Bible uses:

Cush (Ham's son) = "black" in Hebrew. (Cushi or cushim means black skinned people)

Mizraim or Egypt in English was Ham's son. The ancient name for Egypt is Kemet and means "black land".

Ethiopia (Jeremiah 13:23) = "burned face" in Greek.

Kedar (Genesis 25:13) = blackness, swarthy, very black, dark skinned.

Niger (Acts 13:1) = black in Latin.

Phinehas (Moses' great nephew - Judges 20:28) = the Nubian (black).

Song of Solomon 1:5 (King James Version); "I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon."

Hebrew which is equated to "Canaanite" by today's definition is a Semitic language of the Afro-Asiatic language family.

If Ham's sons were different "races" (or subgroups) in one family, as some believe, that ("argument from silence") would be a pretty drastic and peculiar thing for the Bible not to even hint to it; also like Israel (and the Motherland) nations spun off of large families. They weren't some chaotic "melting pot" like America; and names back then were descriptive and had meaning.

Although this subject is a non essential for life in Jesus Christ, nevertheless the truth should not be suppressed.

Maurice

Peril and Peace: A Lesson from Mr & Mrs Manoah

A Lesson from Mr & Mrs. Manoah

In the landscape of biblical marriages, we often look to Abraham and Sarah for faith, or Aquila and Priscilla for ministry. But hidden in the hill country of Zorah, within the Tribe of Dan, lies a powerful dynamic of partnership between a man named Manoah and his wife.

​They were tasked with birthing a deliverer (Samson) during a time of oppression. Their story teaches us a vital lesson about how couples handle the weight of a heavy assignment.

​1. The Discerning Wife (The Eye)

​It is fascinating that the Angel of the Lord did not appear to Manoah first; He appeared to the wife. She was the spiritual "antenna" of the union. When the Angel spoke the impossible promise of a son, she didn't argue. She immediately recognized the divine nature of the encounter.

​For the Wives: Sometimes, you will sense the shift before your husband does. You may receive the "download" while he is still at work. Your role is not to usurp him, but to inform him. She went directly to Manoah and said, "A man of God came to me, and his countenance was like the countenance of an angel of God, very terrible." She carried the vision.

​2. The Prayerful Husband (The Covering)

​Manoah didn’t dismiss his wife. He didn't get insecure that God spoke to her first. Instead, he went to prayer.

Judges 13:8 - "Then Manoah entreated the Lord, and said, O my Lord, let the man of God which thou didst send come again unto us, and teach us what we shall do unto the child that shall be born."

​Manoah brings Order to her Vision. He realized that a supernatural promise requires practical instruction. He didn't just want the miracle; he wanted the manual.

​3. The Balance of Terror and Peace

​Here is where the Tribe of Dan (Justice) meets the spirit of Rest. When the Angel finally appeared to both of them and ascended in the flame of the altar, Manoah panicked.

Manoah said: "We shall surely die, because we have seen God."

​He looked at the facts and saw danger. But his wife looked at the nature of God and saw peace.

His wife answered: "If the Lord were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt offering... neither would he have showed us all these things."

​The Marriage Lesson:

In every Kingdom marriage, you need a Visionary and a Stabilizer.

​She saw the intent: "God wants to bless us."

​He felt the weight: "This is holy and dangerous."

​They did not fight over their different perspectives; they balanced one another. Her discernment kept him from despair, and his reverence kept them grounded in prayer.

​Kingdom Application

​As we step into a season where we are building "Rest on every side" (1 Kings 5:4), we must be like Manoah (whose name literally means Rest). We must invite God’s instruction into our homes.  

​We do not just birth biological children; we birth businesses, ministries, and movements (Dominion Creativity). To steward these heavy assignments, we must learn to trust the spiritual sight of our spouse and the stabilizing prayer of our partner. 

Love,

Maurice and Anita

The Unbroken Holiday: A 15-Minute Marriage "Bone Check"

The holidays are a "stress test" for families. Just like heavy physical weight puts pressure on the human skeleton, the weight of financial expectations, family dynamics, and busy schedules puts pressure on the "bones" of our marriage.

In biology, the health of the bone depends on the marrow—the hidden factory inside that produces life. If the marrow is healthy, the bone can withstand pressure without breaking.

This month, we are going to do a quick "Marrow Check" on our marriage. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that Maurice has been dealing with Multiple Myeloma since 2018. We are using this diagnosis as a teaching tool this holiday.

We are looking at the prophecy of Jesus—the One whose bones were never broken—and asking Him to strengthen the structure of our home this Christmas. Here is a bible study for you and your spouse as our gift to you for the holidays! 

---

The Scripture (The Foundation):

"For these things were done, that the scripture should be fulfilled, A bone of him shall not be broken." — John 19:36 (KJV)

"And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh..." — Genesis 2:23 (KJV)

---

The Insight (The "Aha!" Moment): When God created the first marriage, He didn't use dust; He used bone. In Hebrew, the word for "Bone" is Etzem (עֶצֶם). But this word means more than just a skeleton—it also translates to "Essence" or "Self."

When Adam saw Eve, he wasn’t just talking about anatomy. He was saying, "This is the structure of who I am. This is my essence."

Thousands of years later, Jesus was born into a human body. He faced the ultimate pressure—the Cross—yet there was a prophetic mandate over His life that not one bone would be broken. The enemy could bruise His skin, but he could not shatter His structure.

The Application for Couples: This holiday season, the enemy wants to attack the Etzem (the essence/structure) of your marriage. He wants to create "fractures" through arguments, fatigue, and offense.

But you have a promise. Because Jesus is the "Keeper of the Bones" (Psalm 34:20), He can keep your marriage unbroken even under heavy pressure. If we keep our spiritual "marrow" (our inner connection with God) producing life, our "bones" (our relationship structure) will not snap.

---

The "Marrow Check" (Discussion - 10 Minutes): Turn off your phones and ask each other these three questions. Be honest but gentle!

1. The Stress Test: "Where do you feel the most 'pressure' on our marriage right now? (Finances, scheduling, in-laws, etc.)"

2. The Lytic Lesion (The Void): "Is there an area where you feel 'empty' or depleted right now that I can help fill? (Need for rest, need for fun, need for quiet?)"

3. The Unbroken Vow: "What is one thing we can do this week to protect our 'Etzem' (our essence/unity) from getting fractured?"

---

The Prayer (Seal it together): Husbands, take your wife’s hand. Wives, lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Father, we thank You that You are the Architect of this marriage. We thank You that You took on flesh and bone to understand our weakness. Lord, this holiday season, we ask for a supernatural strengthening of our 'bones.' Protect the structure of this home. We plead the blood of Jesus against any spirit of division or offense that would try to cause a fracture between us. Fill our marrow with Your joy. Let our home be a place of healing, not breakage. We declare that what You have joined together, no pressure can break apart. In Jesus' name, Amen."

🎄Merry CHRISTmas from The Mckaneys'!