One Married Life to Live

 September was a very rough month for our family. With everyone getting covid, including one of us ending up in the ICU, there was little time to keep updated in posting on the blog. But in every situation, we always look to hear for what God is saying. This past month, God reminds us that there is only one married life to live.

 Ephesians 5: 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife , and they become one flesh.

Marriage is until death do us part. When illness happens, it reminds us how frail we are and how precious life is. It also reminds us that these relationships are temporary and most important above all others. We experience it together, as one. When one is hurting so is the other. When one is cheered, the other also experiences joy. The ribs cover the lungs. In Christ we live and breath, move and have our being (Acts 17:25-28). We are one flesh and we have one married life to share with each other.

Unlike the soap opera "One life to life", which started in 1968 and ran on television for more than 40 years, our relationships are not fictional. So how do we maximize the married lives that we have?

1. Thank God for the gift of life. Being intentionally grateful keeps you from complaining. We all could find something wrong at every moment. Choose to stay positive and hopeful even when there seems to be no reason to be. Help your spouse to do the same. When one of you is weak in faith, the other is usually stronger.

2. Overlook offences. At some point we feel as though we are owed better in marriage. Some say that they "didn't sign up for this". It takes the power of the Holy Spirit to show the type of humility that swallows hurt by someone so close. When offended we need to address the issue, then choose to continue to pray instead of retaliate if it is not resolved.

3. Enjoy your marriage and encourage your spouse. Something as simple as saying something genuinely kind to your marriage partner daily can keep your relationship headed in the right direction. Think of at least one thing (or a few) and then pray to the Lord for opportunities to convey your sentiments. You do not want to be fake. Ask God to prepare your heart.

Do not let anything harm your marriage. Stay faithful not just sexually, but faithful to do your part in marriage maintenance. You may have to "go first" in being grateful, overlooking offence or being encouraging but your relationship is worth it. We always say that marriage is ministry - one until death do us part.

Our Marriage Changed

 At first, I thought of titling this "Has Your Marriage Changed?" but, who are we kidding? With a worldwide pandemic happening and all of the things that come with it, we all have changed. The best news is that God has not.

I am sure that I am not the only one struggling with respecting current leadership, managing my home with work schedules and homeschooling and trying to figure out when and what to feed my family. Buying, washing and/or making more masks, deciding for or against flu shots and trying to maintain decent mental health in this hyper-racial climate adds even more stress.

We could say that we have changed, but better yet, we are adapting to changes happening around us. Could it be that we have not changed much, but that current life circumstances are just revealing who we have always been on the inside? 

Just as we apply pressure on a tube of toothpaste, we are being forced to reshape and express ourselves in new ways. As christians, our marriages are doing the same. I was furloughed for 3 months and Maurice supplied all income, then the reverse happened and he was furloughed for 3 months while I started a new job. It was a role reversal that reversed again, but never changed the fact that we were in this mess together. Our toothpaste was under pressures that the Lord allowed, but we never buckled and gave up on us. 

We became who God designed us to be - flexible!

We bend but do not break even as we see so many other couples causing current issues to slowly erode their marital foundations. We were not always so hopeful. It took time, but it was never really about our ability to hold this marriage together. Once we committed our relationship to Him, He took the reins and now, we lean and depend on Him together. Whether we are talking about what's for dinner, organizing the household, meeting financial needs or child-rearing, God must be FIRST.

You must decide to build your house on a firm foundation if you want it to withstand storms!

So how do we become sturdy, yet flexible in marriage. First, acknowledge that God is the third wheel in the marriage. All decisions should be mutual between you, your spouse and lined up with scripture. That is not easy, but we have to sometimes defer to our spouses against our own judgment in non-essential issues. It is humbling but worth it. Also, we have to refuse to go against the Word of God in our marriage. It is a standard that we agree to uphold. Period.

We also need to guard our peace and that of our marital partner. So many people are facing emotional and psychological trauma because home is not a safe place. 

Make your marriage a safe place to land and a soft place to fall. 

Be open to hear your spouse's concerns as well as their successes. We need to be able to celebrate with each other and shed tears on each other's shoulders. Let peace reign in your home, car and in everything you do. Sometimes we have to turn off the television and play a game. Sometimes we take walks in the park without our phones or just sit on the beach in silence. Other times, we just lie in bed and cry to get it all out. Be present with your spouse and be the first to offer to pray together. You do not have to be the answer to all their problems, they just need to know that you will be there with them.

We have changed. You have changed. God has not. Let's stay strong in the midst of these storms. Board up the windows of your marriage and hunker down. Together. Always.