Sexuality in Marriage

There are a lot of buzzwords going around about sexuality right now. Not only homosexuality (same gender sex), but MSP (mutiple sex partners) which may be male or female. There is talk of being attracted to either gender (polyamorosity) and not so much about monogamy in marriage anymore. Then there are the topics of adultery, fornication, masturbation and sin in general. 

We want to be clear about where we stand and what the Bible has to say about such topics. Instead of trying to define these things out and explain our position, we will let the scriptures speak for themselves.

According to the Holy Bible:

Romans 1:24-32

Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: 25Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

26For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; 29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: 32Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Leviticus 18:22

22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Mark 10:6-12

But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 10And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. 11And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. 12And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

1 Corinthians 6:19

19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

*****************************************************************

Allow the Holy Spirit to convict and change your heart if there is any sin there (not just sexual). God does not want us to live in guilt, condemnation or confusion. He is able not only to make you born again in the spirit, but in your mind and affections. Ask Him to do the work. Pray for a Holy marriage that honors its Designer!

Prayer:

Father, you do all things well including relationships. Forgive us for using sex in a manner that is not pleasing to you. Cleanse us from past wrongs and renew our minds, bodies and spirits. We relinquish any soul ties and ask you for cleansing and healing. We dedicate our minds, hearts, souls and bodies to you. Give us wisdom and help us to enjoy married sex with our spouse of opposite gender as you intended and command. Please rebuke the enemy for any retaliation or condemnation that he may try to hold over us. We are free in Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Intimately Us

 Life is busy. It is also very familiar with your same spouse. Anyone who has been married over a yearcould attest that newness is welcome in marriage to keep things.....well, fresh! Enter Intimately Us.

This is an amazing app for married christian couples. I have never seen a app that you can literally "share" with your spouse. After you sync your account to theirs, you can add your likes, dislikes, wishes and dreams, and the app sends messages and suggestions to your spouse for you! 

It has a calendar to track your dating habits and intimate times together, fun games to play and daily challenges as well as reminders and ideas.

Want education? You can watch videos and hear from their sexperts and all about healthy sexuality and open communication between you and your spouse. There are sections about overcoming difficulties and emotional stress in marriage too!

There is also a flirty chat app within the app called "Just Between Us" where you can send special texts to your spouse and receive secret notifications to keep things spicy when you are apart...or together, lol. 

This app is free and designed by a christian company that desires to inspire more intimacy in christian marriages. It is unique and very professionally put together. I also love how direct it is. If you have questions about sex or intimacy you can also ask questions. Did we mention that it is also FREE?? Go to www.intimately.us to find out even more features and how to download on your devices.

Check it out and let us know what you and your spouse think of it :)

Intimacy all year long - Seven things to remember

This year, we want to start off with a BANG! Here are seven things that every married couple should keep in mind when thinking about sex and intimacy in their relationship. We will discuss them in the form of an acronym - I.N.T.I.M.A.C.Y. Hopefully it will help you to remember each of the seven suggestions. We are definitely not sex therapists, but after being married for 17 years (will be 18 this year by God's grace) and 2 kids, we think we could help someone a little. Intimacy does not equate to sex, but many times it leads to intercourse. That is what we are referring to here today. Here they are!

(This post contains an affiliate link through which we may earn a commission on sales.)

I - Investigate each other

(Genesis 4:25, kjv) When we married, Anita was a virgin and so everything about everything sexually related was new. But she is a nurse, so she had book knowledge but not experiential knowledge. In any case, learning the body of your spouse can be an adventure. Use all your senses and grow more comfortable with each other. Even if you have been married for a long time, there is still more to learn. Adam knew his wife, then he knew his wife again!

Fun Idea: Count how many moles your spouse has. Who has the most? Can you find them all?

N - Nurture everything else

(Matthew 7:12, kjv) Any woman will tell you that everything else outside of the bedroom affects what happens in the bedroom! Do not expect warmth in the sexual arena when your relationship has been cold for days.

When we do not eat well, get sleep or take care of ourselves emotionally, sex is not sexy.

Something as simple as making sure that you both are warm enough is important. If your spouse is sick, it probably is not the best time to make advances. A growling stomach, a real headache or screaming kids can be a real turnoff. Attempt to resolve outside issues so that your time together is mutually pleasurable.

Fun Idea: Pick a day to go about your daily chores at home. Stay NAKED. Close all blinds and curtains. Time how long it takes to do you-know-what.

T - Take your time

Love is patient ( 1 Corinthians 13:1, kjv). Do not make it hard for your spouse to ask for sex and do not play games with their emotions. Be careful to show deference to them during intercourse and be polite. There have been times that we had to plan or schedule intimate times together. One of us is all about that scheduled life and the other loves a spur of the moment tumble in the sheets (guess which one).

It may take a while to discover what your spouse likes best. You have to be patient and expect the best from each other. Showing grace when things do not go as planned is kind.

Fun Idea: Set a time each day to kiss. Mark the date you started doing this and celebrate the anniversary. Or start your own intimate tradition.

I - Identify the issues

There will always be issues in your married sex life. Same partner, same place and same position could lead to boredom. Cleanliness could be an issue. Or perhaps one of you is really hoping for children and they are motivated to have sex just for that reason. Some couples struggle with it being too hot or cold in the environment. 

We have to remember that we are most vulnerable when we are intimate. 

Some couples do not take the time to discuss hurt feelings or words spoken in anger before, during or after sex. It is never wise to compare sexual experiences outside of your relationship either. Do share what you are feeling or thinking. Keeping those thoughts internalized harms the relationship. 

Once you have identified the problem, pray about it together. God designed sex remember? He knows how to make this thing work!

Fun Idea: Have sex blindfolded. See if you have any issues....or not.

M - More of them, Less of You

Seek to please your spouse. (Philippians 2:4) Oftentimes, one partner complains about the other. "I wish he would do this". "I wish she would be ok with this". If it is not sinful, why not try it?? God gave you a life partner. Try to give them great memories and happy moments with you. Perhaps one person wants more sex and the other is not interested. Remember what the Word says in 1 Corinthians 7:5 - don't hold back unless you are fasting.

If you are not single, celibate or impotent, stop acting like it!

Fun Idea: Ask your spouse about their ideal intimate moment with every detail. Plan for it.

A - Acts of Worship

Sex is a holy act. (Hebrews 13:4, kjv) It is a physical covenant between one man and one woman (just in case you were wondering). Do not contaminate it with outside people or things. We are not here to tell you how to run your sex life. We are here to encourage you to enjoy the benefits of God's design for intimacy within its confines. 

Food is great, but too much or too little is hardly beneficial for the human body. Sex is similar. We have God-given desire for it, but we cannot think that it does not come with principles and instruction from the manufacurer. Sex at the wrong time with the wrong intentions, in the wrong place in the wrong way is a recipe for disaster and an avenue for the enemy. 

Adultery, fornication, bestiality, orgies and other paraphilia are not of God. The closer you are to God, the more you will be able to discern when you are grieving the Holy Spirit with your body.

Fun Idea: Read Song of Solomon aloud for your spouse and insert their name in the scriptures.

C - Communicate

If it bothers you, speak up! If you like it - SAY SO! It works both ways. We have a great habit of thanking each other after a really great intimate moment. Never take your spouse for granted. They could be mean, disinterested and just "going through the motions". If that is the case, discussion is warranted. 

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Think carefully how and when to address your spouse with difficult conversations.

Fun Idea: Communicate without words. Feel free to use signals, gestures or any other creative way to say what you cannot say with speech :)

Y - Yield

Yield your bodies to one another - willingly, often and happily.


****P.S. Looking for a GREAT Valentine's Day gift? Do something unique like a Valentine's gift from LoveBooks!! We have partnered with them to gift you a discount!

 Click here: Create Your Own Personalized Valentine's Day Gift To List All The Reasons Why You Love Them

Or here: Personalized Love Coupons

Or here: Romantic Love Coupons

What we learned about Love and Sex in Marriage

We have been married for 15 years. That is a lot of close up "getting to know you time". In those intimate times together, we have had our share of really great sex, ok sex, make-up sex and "I'm doing this just for you" sex. Like most couples, these times have varied in length of time, location and type. Here are a few things that we would tell another couple about their married sex life.

Make a Commitment

When I asked Maurice what his biggest piece of advice is, he mentioned how important it was to not commit adultery. This would require that the male in the relationship must guard his eyes and mind. Watch what you watch and listen to. Temptation abounds, so it is best to assume that you are not as strong as you think you are whether male or female! You have to let your spouse know that you are there for them when they need you. In I Corinthians 7:2-5, the Bible tells us that the best way to avoid cheating is to have lots of sex often. Remember that your body no longer belongs to you. Don't play silly mind games. Make a commitment to love, honor and cherish the needs of your spouse.

Get to Know Them

Every person is different. We have different bodies and are capable and incapable of certain things. All newlyweds, from infinity, came into marriage with certain expectations. TV and other media "teach us" what sex should be like. It is only with time that we really get to know the person we love.

This is no one night stand!!

All christian marriages should expect to last til death do us part. That is the only expectation in sex as well - we will work it out and be together. If one thing does not work for your spouse, it will not work for you and vice versa. The goal of good sex is mutual satisfaction. What does your spouse need? What do you need? You can't complain if you don't communicate! Commit to be there for each other no matter what. Learn how to please and to serve your mate. You owe that to our spouse because you vowed to be faithful to them alone. You want them coming back to you over and over (pun intended :)


Sex is temporary

The truth is that there is no sex or marriage in heaven. Marriage is the most important relationship on earth, but not so in eternity. With that in mind, make the most of it! The feelings that come with sex are fleeting after every experience. However, your body adjusts to your spouse over time and all the hormones and enzymes in your brain draw you closer together. God has literally designed our bodies to be One! Sex is a picture of Christ, His Church and the Oneness that it represents. It is physical, mental and spiritual....but temporary. It is not everything, but it is one of the glues that holds us together.

Intimacy is KEY

If your whole marriage relationship revolves around your sex life, it will be short-lived. Sex in marriage is for procreation and recreation, but what if...you can't, they can't...it's not happening. Your marriage has to survive on more than the blessings that sex provides.

Hopefully, by understanding the three previous points, you and your spouse will have a rich relationship that outlasts sex. When we are both very old and grey, tired and worn out physically, hopefully we will have years and years of memories that keep us close. Marriage is like a padlock - nothing comes in and no one goes out. We fit each other. In our last days, we will be intimate in the very best way - because we were faithful to each other.

Til death do we part.....

Check out a couple of our most popular posts about sex:

Communion, Sex and Church

Purity is Better

Loving my Husband

If love is an action word, how do I "perform" it as a wife? Well, there is the obvious physical intimacy that I can willingly offer and receive from my husband, but sometimes, my love needs to be a real sacrifice. I could just hear someone saying that depending on their mood, sex would be a sacrifice...lol!

Well, today my husband called from work and wanted a special meal and.....well, my heart was not in the right place. I was thinking about how I wish someone would fix my favorite foods, cater to me, spoil me. How sad that I can let those selfish thoughts creep in! Then I remembered how my husband had so thoughtfully served me the weekend before. He did some things out of his "comfort zone" for me and my heart softened. We have to train our hearts and minds to mold themselves to the Word of God. Put others before yourself is what the Bible says.

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.." Philippians 2:3

Another time, my sweet husband rescued me from the highway when my car decided to break down. I had to wait a long while and I was tempted to be impatient. Then the sweet Holy Spirit reminded me that He blessed me with a husband who cared enough to see about me in my distress and I repented in my heart and was able to welcome him with a smile of gratefulness.

I thank God for the gentle nudges throughout the day to remind me of the Word of God already hidden in my heart. You will find that if you store the Word of God that you will always have enough for those "winter" season situations, monthly emotions and ebbs and flows in marriage. Loving your husband will just be the overflow of what God has already invested.

Challenge: For you wives out there, find something specific that your husband enjoys and do it with him. You could make a favorite meal or watch the game with him. Surprise him by showing some interest. After all, you are One!