In a world that often treats marriage like a subscription that you can cancel when a new version comes along, God calls us to a higher, more permanent standard. The vow is "'til death do us part," not "'til debt do us part" or "'til disagreements do us part."
So, how do we build a marriage that lasts a lifetime? And, just for fun, what are the express lanes to "Separate Street"? Let's get into it. Here’s our very unofficial guide on how not to get divorced.
Three Surefire Ways to Stay Married Forever
1. Cultivate a Terrible Memory.
That's right, I'm telling you to be forgetful! I want you to develop selective amnesia when it comes to your spouse's minor faults and past mistakes. Do you remember that time he tried to "help" with the laundry and turned all your white towels a lovely shade of pink? No, you don't. Do you recall that time she gave you directions that led you on a scenic tour of every backroad in the state? Nope, that memory file has been deleted. Holding onto a ledger of wrongs is exhausting and it's the fastest way to build a wall of resentment. Love doesn't keep score.
The Biblical Blueprint: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind... thinketh no evil..." (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, KJV). Love, or "charity," doesn't sit around thinking evil thoughts or replaying an error reel. It lets things go.
2. Major in Laughter and Minor in Offense.
Life is going to throw some curveballs. You’ll have financial stress, parenting challenges, and days when everything just goes wrong. You have two choices: get offended and stressed out, or find a way to laugh. Choose laughter! Did he burn the toast? Laugh about your new "Cajun-style" breakfast. Did she accidentally donate his favorite (and ugliest) t-shirt? Giggle about its new adventure. A joyful heart is truly good medicine, and a shared laugh can disarm tension faster than any argument.
The Biblical Blueprint: "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22, KJV). Don't let your marriage suffer from dry bones! Keep that merry heart pumping.
3. Serve Each Other Selfishly.
Okay, stick with me here. I want you to be completely "selfish" about how you can serve your spouse. Outdo one another! Race to see who can get the other person's coffee first. Compete to see who can be the quickest to forgive. Make it your personal, "selfish" mission to make your spouse's day better. When you're both focused on uplifting the other, you'll find your own needs are met more beautifully than you could have ever orchestrated on your own.
The Biblical Blueprint: "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another..." (Romans 12:10, KJV). The goal is to prefer, honor, and uplift your partner. Make it a holy competition!
Three Express-Lane Tickets to Divorce Court
(Disclaimer: Please don't do these! This is what we call "reverse psychology" in the creative learning leader business!)
1. Become a World-Class Archaeologist.
Your specialty? Digging up old dirt. Every time a new, minor disagreement pops up, be sure to bring up every single related (and unrelated) mistake from the past five, ten, or fifteen years. Never let an old wound fully heal. Keep it handy as evidence for the next "discussion." This ensures all your fights are epic, historical dramas.
The Anti-Blueprint: This is the opposite of covering an offense. "He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends." (Proverbs 17:9, KJV). And what is a spouse if not your very best friend?
2. Establish the "Kingdom of Me."
In this kingdom, your needs are paramount. Your opinions are law. Your comfort is the highest priority. Your spouse is merely a citizen whose primary role is to ensure the happiness of the monarch (that's you). Make every decision based on "what's in it for me?" and view compromise as a sign of weakness.
The Anti-Blueprint: This flies in the face of God's design. "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." (Philippians 2:3, KJV). The Kingdom of Me has a population of one, and it's a lonely place to be.
3. Appoint a Secret Third Partner: Your Phone.
Give your phone the best of your attention. Take it to bed with you. Stare at it lovingly during dinner. Laugh at its jokes while your spouse is talking. Let social media and the endless scroll become the "other person" in your relationship, stealing your time, attention, and affection. This is the most subtle, yet effective, way to create a chasm of distance without ever leaving the room.
The Anti-Blueprint: God calls us to be present and engaged. "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men..." (Colossians 3:23, KJV). Our marriage is a primary ministry, and it deserves our whole-hearted attention, not our leftover, distracted scraps.
My beloved friends, building a marriage that honors God is the most rewarding work you will ever do. It takes intention, grace, and a whole lot of Jesus. May your home be filled with laughter, your hearts with forgiveness, and your walk together lead you closer to Him than ever before!
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