Sacred Holidays - A Right Perspective of Holidays, Rituals and Traditions

Traditions, holidays and celebrations - Oh, how we love them! From landmark birthdays to Christmas, we find reasons to rejoice, sing, laugh and give gifts. God implemented times of feasting and partying in the Old Testament. It was His idea to set apart spaces of time for events such as these.

Holy days were times of remembrance and eating and great fellowship among God's people. They celebrated Passover, Esther's brave saving of the Jewish population and took days of rest. However, I wonder if our parties have changed into tradition and unspoken law that is more harmful to us than helpful these days.

For example, some birthday traditions are extreme where people spend extraordinary amounts of money all in celebration of themselves. In some celebrations, people become so drunk that they cannot even recall the event they attended. Some christians and churches demand tradition and it becomes legalistic instead of celebratory. This should not be.

Recently, I have read the book "Sacred Holidays: Less Chaos, More Jesus" by Becky Kiser. I was pleasantly reminded of how we miss the opportunities to rejoice in celebration as God intends. In the book, Becky explains that it is to be used as a reference for us to examine the reasons why we celebrate and to reframe our holidays in a God-honoring way.

Our traditions and rituals should never compete with the Word of God. It should be enhanced and compliment our walk with Christ.

Do not let your traditions be in vain. Do not make idols from your symbolic remembrances. As Christ followers, we do not push Christ aside or lay down our Holy Hats to have a girls trip. Real fun is knowing and living out righteousness in everywhere we go and in everything we do. We rejoice because of Jesus not in spite of Him!

God is > Our Hearts: How NOT to be emotionally driven

God is greater than our hearts. he should be at the center of all we do if we claim to belong to Him. I learned this the hard way.

When I first started dating, I was consistently led by my emotions. He was cute. I was cute. We would make a cute couple. We could get married, make cute babies, have lots of grandchildren, etc.. My heart would lead me down this whole trail of possibilities without caring about if it was the Lord's will for my life or not. Add hormones and you have a set-up for disaster!

During one relationship prior to marriage, I was so emotionally attached that I lost hours and hours of sleep waiting for this guy to call me. Then I would fall asleep on him because I was afraid that I would miss something he said. Everyday was spent obsessing over our next date, next phone call or text message. I couldn't concentrate. I didn't read my bible daily anymore and if I did, I would cut it short because my mind and my heart belonged to this guy who didn't even end up being "The One". He wanted me in bed in his mom's basement - seriously! I was so clueless, and heartbroken too. Smh...When I met Maurice, I was tempted to go down that same road, but I purposefully prayed throughout that relationship. It also helped that he was a praying man too and was looking for a wife, not a toy!

We may find ourselves wrapped up in something else emotionally too like in a tv show or a book. We may be spending too much of our energy becoming emotionally invested in shopping, activities or parties. When we start wishing that we could stop, we have probably gone too far from our center. Our emotions and desires can be deceptive and cause us to be led away from God's best for us. The enemy knows how to manipulate your desires in a way that is distorted and pulls us apart from the narrow road. So the closer we are to God, the better.

The solution is to stay close to God and to keep Him central to your whole life! We have all had that experience of feeling so close to God after a church service or worship experience, only to have that joy stolen the next day. Do not let the enemy make you feel guilty for needing God regularly. You may need to pray daily, hourly or moment-by-moment. That is why the bible says to "pray without ceasing". (1 Thessalonians 5:17, KJV)  We need to. We ought to.

Keeping God central is not just putting Him first then doing whatever we want. 

It is seeking Him first, next, during and after. If you cannot find a place for God in whatever activity that you find yourself doing, is it really worth it? He demands our whole lives, not just the parts that we are willing to hand over today. That is why God's relationship to us is compare to marriage. (Ephesians 5:25-27, KJV) You surrender your body to your spouse and they do the same. You are no longer two, but one.

It may look like asking God if it is His will for you to stay at your current job, then waiting for a response. Then the Lord may direct you to look around at other opportunities. Then you keep praying for clarification and clear discernment of His will. A certain position may seem great to you, but you do not move until you know for sure that the Lord has opened that door for you. You pray again. You ask for the job in faith, but you are willing to not pursue it if God says the same. Then you apply and get an offer. You pray again before saying yes. You wait in faith and then say yes!

You see the process? Your heart has desires, but it is deceitfully wicked. (Jeremiah 17:9, KJV) Without constant prayer we could be easily led astray, like a dumb sheep. Make God your GPS, not your emotions.

Let's not live our lives in regret. God is greater than our hearts. Do not be emotionally driven. Your heart is safe with Him!

How to Talk to Teens about Sex, Marriage and Relationships

We play a lot of games in our home. With two boys growing quickly into men, we find ourselves working hard to keep the lines of communication open. Games are a great way to do that for us. We have been surprised at how often they will ask the most amazing questions. We have come to realize that games provide a fantastic opportunity to impart wisdom and character into the lives of our children (while we still have the chance). 

There are two brands that we would like to recommend to your family. Harvest Time Partners (Harvesttimepartners.com) and Breakout Games (breakoutgames.com). They both offer various unique and fun games. They encourage group play, conversation and thinking skills that are crucial for young people to develop as they mature into adulthood. 

Video games, online games, board games and ANY game is a great way to spark conversation, but the other way is just as easy and it's FREE!

The second way to talk to your teens about marriage and other things is simply to talk to them!! Sure there are books, videos and games but here are three ways to talk to them - like with just you and nothing else.

1. Share your experiences. One of the best ways that we have reached our sons has been to simply tell the story of our sex journey, marriage, victories and defeats. NOTHING beats a real life example of following God through this part of life. Our kids need to know that we are not perfect. They also need to know that they can live holy despite what the world impresses on them.

2. Pray with them. Yup. Prayer is talking and you can communicate a lot through your prayers in their hearing. Let them hear your concern to God for them and their future. Ask for His forgiveness and let your children hear you quote the Word of God back to God Himself. Family prayer does not have to be long or elaborate. Talk to God about your real worries, fears and hopes. You will be teaching them as you do so. Lord willing, they will do the same with your future grandchildren.

3. Talk about media. While we scroll the internet, listen to radio in the car, watch tv or a movie, we discuss the implications of their behavior or the words to that song. Ask questions during commercials or in between songs like: Why is this a bad idea for someone who says they are a christian? Would you be able to tell that this person follows Jesus if this was their lifestyle? What consequences or rewards do you think that taking this action will have in the future? If you repeat these lyrics out loud would the Bible agree? Why or why not?

We hope this was helpful! What other ideas do YOU have for discussing these topics with your teens? We would love to hear your suggestions in the comments.

How We Cancelled Debt and Built our House in 5 Years

We had college degrees and a heap of debt when we got married. We were living on love in our one-bedroom apartment in the city. We had taken no financial courses or seminars and were trying to live by God's principles. We understood that it was important to save, give, reap and sow. Here is the story of how we went from debt to homeowners.

In July 2001, we were married. Maurice had already rented our apartment and I had started my first nursing job. With one income we survived for almost nine months when Maurice finally landed a great job in his field. Our first lesson was that we were ONE. I didn't plan on being the breadwinner, but my husband had saved enough prior to our wedding so that our financial life would not depend solely on me while he searched for the right opportunity.

KEY POINTS:

* Save lots of money before you get married (for AFTER the wedding and honeymoon). Do not go broke or in major debt for this one-time event. Focus more on the marriage than the wedding festivities!

* Our money was OUR money from the start. One of the first things that we did was to open a joint checking and savings account.

* We agreed not to go over a certain spending limit in our checking. We were free to spend on whatever we wanted within that limit.

* No credit cards. We paid for everything cash or debit card from our bank.

After that first year, we made it a point to live low. We would not purchase a new tv or cable. We did not have fancy cars (at all!). We began to tackle our college debt and pay off the cars we had already purchased. We had to assess our current eating habits too. We decided that one thing that we would do for ourselves was to eat out since we were saving money in other ways. Our second lesson was learning to do life without comparing ourselves to others. We had to strive for MINIMALISM.

KEY POINTS:

* Buy at the thrift stores. We knew how to be abased and we knew how to abound. The higher end stores were off-limits to us for a long while. I also did a lot of sewing. We mended socks and borrowed clothing for special occasions.

* Stretch meals. We often saved our leftovers from restaurants and made them a different way to avoid boredom with food. We also used coupons and discounts when we could. We did not order out much at all.

* We said NO to many things like trips, retreats, church events (it would require extra gas), conferences or anything that was not required. You have to learn to discern between what is good and what is best.

* Keeping all of our dental and doctor appointments helped us to maximize our insurance and stay healthy. Getting sick is one of the fastest ways to lose money!

Those five years flew by and our goal was to have a house by then. I was expecting to purchase a nice used home and to have already started having children. That was not God's plan. We lost our first child. Read about that HERE. We were devastated, but got pregnant again just 3 short months later. It was time to move.

Maurice felt that the Lord was leading us to build a home. I was very surprised. I didn't think we could afford it. We still had college debt, but it was rapidly shrinking on our plan. We began to research, pray about it and look around.

KEY POINTS:

* Do not jump at every financial opportunity. We almost missed our blessing because other home offers were tempting. Patience is key. Only your house is your house.

* Trust each other to hear from the Lord regarding big financial purchases, especially wives. My job was to fast and pray for my husband to not move until the Lord said so and we both had peace.

* Be careful not to compare your money status to those around you. We had friends who had all the things but were drowning in debt all around us. They bought the truck, were taking trips and taking pics at all the fancy restaurants. We had to stay in our focused lane.

Your commitment to your marriage will show up in your money

* Your commitment to your marriage will show up in your money. God was first for us. We gave to our church and to the poor together. We saved our money together. We were honest about purchases together. Without our mutual goal of homeownership, we would have strayed from our commitment.

* We decided not to buy each other gifts for a while. We agreed that our home would be our gift to each other. After all, who can top that?

In a serious of nothing-but-God events, we found the perfect location with the first home on the lot! We were given the option to have our home custom-built in a design that we could choose ourselves (which is rare). Once the decision was made, we actually had the funds to begin work right away.

Foregoing all those other nice things and living a minimalistic lifestyle was finally paying off! NO ONE we knew had EVER built a home from scratch like this. We negotiated our mortgage based on the income that we were making at the time. Knowing that we were trying to squash debt, we decided on payment plan that was a bit of a squeeze. Our ultimate goal was to be homeOWNERS (not homepayers) for the next 30 years.

* Mark out exactly when your mortgage payments will be complete. You need to see it on a calendar. Goals are goals no matter how far away.

* Do not accrue more unnecessary debt. I wanted to go back to school for another degree. We could not afford it, so I prayed about it and got tuition reimbursement from my employer. If the blessing is yours, the Lord will make it known.

*Negotiate. If you do not do your research, you can end up hurting yourself. We talked with several banks until we got the terms that we were at peace with.

The only people that I knew that actually paid off their home were my grandparents who were genius entrepreneurs. However, we couldn't even credit that wisdom to what was happening with us. We saw God guiding every step.

Our first home was built quickly and we got more house for our money than even the builders expected. They literally could not build what we agreed on without making our home more spacious on their dime! Nothing but GOD. Our new home had almost 2k square feet, three bedrooms, a storage room, 2.5 baths, an attached two-car garage, a front and back porch and a basement within 5 years of our marriage. In about 3 years after that we paid off ALL of our college debt.

We know that everyone does not have a story like this. Life happens, but when you seek first the Kingdom of God, all these things will be added unto you. We praise the Lord for our home, but it is just a thing. We wanted to use it for the glory of God and we feel that this is the reason that we were blessed in this way.

Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15

We want to hear your story and answer your questions too! Please leave us a comment and we will respond as soon as possible.

*** Congrats to the couple who won our Valentine's Day giveaway!! It was just in time for their anniversary. Yay!!

Selfcare IS Caring for your Marriage

In our first few years of marriage, I was all in! I was fully ready to sacrifice for my husband. From bending over backwards to make him healthy meals to being available in the evening for marital intimacy. Nothing was too much, too hard or too physically taxing. My view of that Proverbs 31 woman was perfection and I was happy to do all and be all for him. After all, loving him was easy because he truly loved me as Christ loved the church in my mind. Nothing could be better.

Until I burnt out.

Ask yourself:
When did I last take a nap?
Am I having too many negative thoughts?
Do I have a healthy relationship with God myself apart from my spouse?
Is my body needing attention that I have been ignoring?
Am I actually hurting emotionally?
When did I last have a really fun time?
Are there habits that are controlling me instead of me controlling them?
What pain am I experiencing?

There is such thing as wife burnout. When we burden ourselves with even more than God Himself has commanded, we put ourselves at risk for harm of all kinds. The devil loves this part. It is the sneaky way to break a marriage. By putting undo pressure on ourselves, we slowly corrode the marriage itself. Genius, yet devious.

To be honest, I have never been the best at caring for myself the way that I should. Taking vitamins, exercising and drinking enough water are a struggle for me. One thing that I do well is healthy eating. For some reason, that outward habit is easier. People can see that. They know. But self-care in other departments can be disguised by your "care" for others.

Your self-care is a reflection of your marriage.

How you care for you reflects the health of your relationship and the health of the church as a whole, if your marriage is built on Christ. As a woman who has been married for many years now, let me share with you a few ways to maintain care of yourself as well as your marriage.

1. Plan ahead and make your appointments first. Some of our regular readers know about our cancer story (if not start HERE), and I was so fortunate to have already planned my own physical and dental appointments for that year. Otherwise, it would have never happened with the difficult situation that we were facing.

2.  Hold each other accountable for your self-care. We have a thing where we ask each other about certain habits we are trying to form or break. For me, it is drinking water. I have an app that I use that is great at reminders, but I still ignore it. My husband knows this, so he also asks me about what I drank each day. It helps more than the app which was his idea in the first place!

3. Don't forget that marriage is about you too! Do not discount that fact that you are significant. Your physical, emotional and spiritual health is a must to make your marriage thrive! There is no shame or harm in talking to someone about your self-care whether that is a friend or a licensed counselor. There is no WE without ME.

How can we be praying for you in this way? Please reach out to us or someone closer who can help you to get back on track and add more value to your marriage by caring for yourself.

Building marriages with Date Night In Box!

We were so excited to be gifted our first date box from Date Night In!! Ours was a date night in faith box too! It is so fabulous when people recognize the beauty of marriage and encouraging that union and that is exactly what this box did for us!

*This blogpost contains information from our affiliate sponsor and prize eligibility*

The box topic was FOUNDATION. It came with straws, candy lego blocks, jelly bellies, sticky popsicle sticks and instructions. We had three projects to complete together. We also had an amazing pre-prepared playlist to listen to as we worked together. Our favorite song was Winter Wonderland by Earth, Wind and Fire!

Project #1 - Build a candle-holder from the popsicle sticks provided and place the candle in it.

Project #2 - Build a foundation or structure to support the box that the date came in.

Project #3 - Build a tower to support one jellybelly on top and then place it on top.

This was no easy feat for us! First of all it was madly tempting to eat all the candy before we could get pictures of our constructed work. Secondly, it was just plain difficult. Our patience was tried, but we had so much fun putting it all together.

Each popsicle had a foundational truth about our marriage. We had to describe what we are building our marriage on. That part actually came easiest to us. You can see some of our words in the pictures. We did not end up using all of the sticks, but we finally had a working structure and put our candle inside.

The next two projects had to get our box at least two inches off the table. Maurice used our "bricks" for height while I constructed a platform from the jellybellies and toothpicks. "Somebody ate all the rest of the at this point, lol.

We stacked our box on top of the bricks once our foundation was complete. That phase was done. It reminds me of how marriage is a constant build. You think you are done, but there is always another test, trial, process or mountain to climb!

The very last part was to use the straws to construct a stand for the last jellybelly and to place it on top. We thought that this would be the very hardest part of our build, but it took less than 5 minutes. We used the tape provided in our box to put three straws together (guess what they represented to us?) and then our jellybelly happily sat on top!! Voila!

The foundation of any marriage is important! What you use to build with, then, is paramount (pun totally intended!). Ours is built on Christ and we elevate Him each other and all else!

YOU can get these date boxes from Date Night In Box here! With Valentine's Day right around the corner, it is a good time to order yours now! You can select a regular date night in box or a date night in faith box as we did!

Better yet, you can WIN a #DateNightInBox from us!! We will pick a winner in time for Valentine's Day from all those who 1) Subscribe and 2) Leave a comment sharing with us what YOUR relationship is built on!

Protecting your Peace in 3 ways

In this world of turmoil, confusion and fighting, protecting one's peace is so important. Peace of mind, a peaceful spirit and a peaceful home are priceless.

As I have been meditating on peace this month, I have settled on three big ways that I plan to protect my peace. Perhaps you will find them helpful as well.

First, listen to your body. Secondly, listen to the Holy Spirit. Lastly, listen to wise mentors.

Listen to your body.

Recently, a friend of mine became very upset when she discovered that some medical diagnostic testing revealed that things were at dangerously unhealthy levels. Maybe you can relate.

By ignoring the little nudges for exercise, sleep, eating right and a good healthy balance physically, we put ourselves at risk to experience unrest for our bodies.

Self-care is biblical (especially of you are married). Our bodoes are on loan to us. We need to be good stewards of what God has given us.

Listen to the Holy Spirit

If you have ever been close to God, then you know when you are far from God. The Holy Spirit resides in us to keep us from evil, convict us of sin and warn us when we are not producing the fruit of peace.

The opposite of peace is war, unrest and conflict. If this is your daily experience, this fruit is not evident in you. Our only enemies are the devil and ourselves. One is defeated, the other needs to be put under God's control.

Ask the Lord to give you peace and to make you a peacemaker.

Listen to Mentors

There is so much wisdom in Godly counsel. By humbling ourselves, we become open to those who have more experience and more knowledge than we do.

Pray and ask God to bring that kind of relationship into your life. Ideally, it is best for YOU to mentor someone and to also be mentored. When I have been stressed, a wise mentor assured me that they have faced similar circumstances, and then peace came. Now I can share with someone else.

It is great to have a Pastor, friends and leaders, but pray for a mentor too. Then ask the person that you feel that the Lord is leading you to.

True peace only comes from the Prince of Peace. To know Jesus is to know peace.

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Much peace comes from listening. I pray that we all have open ears to hear.

If you have prayer requests, please comment below. It is our privilege to pray for you.