3 Steps to a Regret-Free Marriage

It is not often discussed, but it should be. People regret things in their marriages - their choice of a spouse, words spoken in haste, moments of poor decision-making. How can we live a life that does not carry marriage regret?

Some would say that it is already too late to have a regret-free relationship. There have already been too many mistakes, do-overs and apologies. We would disagree. You see, in the same way that God  forgives those who ask and tosses our wrongs into the sea of forgetfulness, our marriages can mirror that kind of grace.

After sixteen years of marriage, we have learned that as a couple you have to make the decision not to live in the land of regret. Don't go there every time you have a disagreement. Some people feel that if they had another chance at marriage, their regrets would be less. So, they start over. Smh..... So now, they are making a whole other set of regrets with a new person and the cycle continues!

Today, we want to give you three tips to having a marriage with no regrets. Read on carefully and apply liberally.

1. Communicate regularly. Over half of our regrets came from a lack of, or poor communication. We all know that men and women are created differently and we have different ways of communicating our needs and wants. You need to really understand your spouse. You may hear them, but did you really get what they were trying to convey? This is probably the biggest hinderence to a regret-free marriage! If you need help in this area, we recommend the "30 Day Prayer Challenge" that you can find here.

Right communication with your spouse starts with right communication with God.

2. Assume the best. In our marriage, we had gotten in to the habit of assuming the worst about each other. If she was home late, she must be doing something with someone she shouldn't. If he was on the computer too much, he must be into pornography. It was harmful to our relationship. The Bible tells us that love does not practice thinking evil about each other. Ask yourself: Is this your practice? When something is out of the ordinary, do you assume wrongdoing? If so, decide today that this habit will end. Be optimistic and never give your spouse the need to worry (see tip #1).

3. Remember that every day is new. God gives you new mercy daily, so you should do the same for your spouse.

Mercy, forgiveness and grace are a happily-married couple's best friends.

It has to be your personal motto to start every day like a newlywed. We are not kidding! Remember that if you are assuming the best about your spouse that they will most likely ask for forgiveness today for what they did yesterday. You will communicate in a loving way that they can understand and be super quick to forgive. them Notice that we said "YOU". Part of having a regret-free marriage is realizing that it depends on you, not them. You may be tempted to have your spouse read this blogpost and accuse them of not doing these 3 steps. Don't do that...lol! Instead, read this one and make a plan together.


This post is being published at the end of a very long and trying year for us as a couple. Without these three things that we have shared, it would have been extremely more difficult. Blame is easy, love is divine. As you enter the new year, or new week or new day, remember to communicate effectively, assume the best and show new grace and mercy!

3 Ways to Support your Spouse in Tough Seasons

There is so much that I could say but I will attempt to be brief. If you have been following our blog, you already know that our lives had had a major shift. Cancer has not redefined our roles as husband and wife, but it has reinforced them. Questions like "How do you submit to a sick husband?" and "What is it like to be a full-time mom and caregiver for your husband?" have been unraveled in this journey. It has been and continues to be a tough journey.

However, like anything else, the circumstances of life must adjust to your marriage and not vice versa! Here are three ways that I have been able to support my spouse during this tough season of medical hardship in our family.

1. REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ONE BODY

First, know that your God-given position as a spouse is never the issue. The issue is the test or situation that seeks to either reassure your marriage foundation or crumble it to pieces. Our marriage is rooted in Christ. Period. So when the doctors said that HE had cancer, we already knew that WE had it together. We are one body. And truly what happens to one us happens to us both. We were going to get better or we were going to get worse, but we were going through this together from the start. We were so thankful for the friends that did realize that I was also suffering even though my husband was the one with the official diagnosis. Strong marriages support each other first by realizing that this thing is a "WE" thing.

Everything that Jesus did was for his bride. He lived for the Church, then suffered and died for the Church. It was never all about Him and that is the same mindset that we suggest for other couples. Once both spouses are reassured that neither is leaving on account of hard times, there is a great relief and exhale in the marriage.

2. FOCUS ON THE ONE GOAL

Maurice kept saying over and over that if this is God's will then so be it. I agreed. We didn't accept that this was our fate. We accepted this as God's will. Why? For His glory of course. Our faces were always set on the outcome, the victory, the testimony.

If we didn't look towards the finish line, we would never have had hope.

Life is temporary and fleeting. We know that, but it doesn't make life easier to deal with when your spouse is going through a difficult time. As followers of Jesus, we have to go back to the Word and get our focus right. Suffering is not an abnormal condition in a christian marriage. O dear, sweet friends, let us set the record straight for you right now! The Bible tells us that God's glory is our ultimate aim and that we should NOT hold this life in high esteem. As a matter of fact we are dead already and our lives are hid in Christ. Death is relative. Life is eternal.

So in addition to understanding that we function as one body, we must focus on the one goal and aim which is to glorifying our Father whether sick or well, in good times and in bad.

3. SUPPORT IN PRAYER

As redundant and obvious as this sounds, people who say that they are praying for their spouse are often not really doing it. I wasn't praying as fervently as I should for Maurice at first. To be honest, I was still in shock. I needed people to pray for me for a season, then I worked up to spending dedicated time in prayer for my husband. At first, my prayers were tears and moans. Simply sitting at the feet of Jesus is where I had to start. Later on, I was able to put specific scriptures to my prayers for my husband and pray daily in that way. I prayed some of these:

Psalm 103:3  - I prayed that the Lord would forgive him of his sins and heal any and all disease

Matthew 8:17 - Thanking Jesus for taking my husband's infirmities on Himself and carrying his disease

Exodus 23:25 - We told God we would serve Him and asked the Lord to bless our food, water & medicines and to take sickness away

It helped me as the caregiver to remember that perhaps even my husband may be struggling to pray at this time. It was my job to be strong and to pray for both of us. That actually encouraged me. I would often be the one to lead us in prayer because my husband had many medications on board that would make him tired, or weak or forgetful. 

Don't be afraid to step up and help in spiritual leadership for your household.

You want to be sure that the verses that you are praying apply to your situation and that the scripture is right in context. Every promise listed in the Bible is not personally yours, or it may require some prerequisite on your part. Pray for wisdom even as you pray. We also had many people praying for us and that was a blessing. There were two chaplains at the hospital, our family and friends as well as our church family that prayed with us. Ask for help. Ask for prayer.

Lastly, I prayed for God's will to be done no matter what. Not my will, O Lord, but yours be done. Whether healing takes place on this side of heaven or not, we have committed ourselves to praising Him - at all times, in all seasons.

Temperance

Moderation, self-control and abstinence are terms for temperance. It is letting go of or holding back from something on purpose for a reason. Back in August I let go of something huge! It was my job. I let it go temporarily because of something more important - my husband. He needed my help and I was here for him. I let go of the confidence and recognition that I gain from being a professional educator for something less rewarding (at least here on earth). We let go of the security that money brings for a season.

As Wifestyle Image Network was finishing the #FruitSeries studies on periscope, we were having a family crisis. We had been all wrapped up in the fruit of the spirit mentioned in the book of Galatians, when Maurice was diagnosed with cancer. It was more than shocking to say the least.

I never even got a chance to finish the study on temperance because my life was already spiraling into something...different. I wasn't ready, but I thank God that I was full! You cannot teach lessons on the fruit of the spirit and not have it affect your life. I had been practicing, not perfecting but practicing love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith and meekness. So, I guess the Lord thought that I was time for me to practice them all together at the same time along with temperance.

My husband told me that this experience has made him more sympathetic to others who are ill and struggling. I feel the same way. It is changing me for the better. I am more sympathetic to caregivers and those who are going through hard experiences. It is a very hard, daily thing. When we attempt to help others, we kind of check it off of a list and go on about our day. No one really wants to enter into the experience it and "share" it, but I think that we can learn something huge here.

Part of temperance is giving up your comforts and securities for the needs of someone else. It is controlling your urge to make life all about you. This fruit of the spirit (like others) is not about me, myself and I. We could all benefit form scaling back from how much we take care of ourselves and give ourselves comfort and reach a hand out to those who have been suffering all this time.

It is good to help and even better to "share" the loads of others. Jesus literally put Himself in our place so that He could redeem us. He let go of heaven to be a part of sinful nature. What self-control He must have had to allow sin to be placed on Him on that cross! He entered into our sorrows and that is something that we really do try to avoid. So, I am wondering what else do we hold onto that could be let go for someone else? Maybe money or time or even our reputation. Those are three big things!

I pray that I am showing the fruit of the spirit in my everyday life. I hope that I am able to put aside my own inclinations so that I can properly represent Christ here in the earth. I certainly have ample opportunity now....but guess what, so do you!

Meek not Weak in Family Crisis

On Friday, August 18, 2017 Maurice and I went to see a doctor about his persistent back pain. We had no clue that this visit would turn into a weekend-long nightmare admission to the hospital in the coronary care unit. This month, the W.I.N. ladies have been studying meekness and how to apply and practice it in everyday life. Well....what a challenge for me as a wife this was going to turn out to be!

First they drew tons of blood and samples of every other specimen that a body can produce. Then came all the X-rays, MRIs and CT scans. Lastly was the bone biopsy. This was when I almost lost it.... Our boys were being tossed from house to house and neither of us were working at all. This was the worst medical situation that we ever experienced in our marriage of 16 years. We were both sleep deprived and emotionally spent, yet, we had to simply trust God and wait for what the future held for us. I am a nurse as many of you know, so how come I did not see this coming? I knew that God was allowing us to go through this but I had no idea why.

My husband was strong in spirit but physically weak and I had never ever seen him like this! They began whispering about lesions growing on his bones and the possibility of cancer. CANCER!! We had no significant history of that at all and Maurice had no reason to suddenly develop it. No smoking, drinking, drugs or other reason for that diagnosis that was apparent to us. It was disheartening to say the least. I knew what the worst could be. I cried. I prayed. I held on to faith in the Healer.

We waited to hear if it was really true or not.

Just seeing my husband lying in a hospital bed was enough to undo me. When he slept, just lying there, he looked weak, but when he spoke, he spoke in faith. He said "If this is God's will for me...so be it." and "We are just getting closer to our heavenly reward". Can I be honest here and say that I wanted him to shut up. "Stop saying that", I thought, but I didn't know what I wanted him to say. There were a couple of moments that I visited the chapel and just poured out to God in a language that I did not understand. I let the tears fall again in the waiting room of the CCU. Could I be meek in this situation? I was certainly dependent. Everything was completely out of my control. I did manage to just serve and keep my own mouth shut. Just keep helping Anita. You are His helper. Serve in meekness. God can be glorified in this situation. Humble yourself. God is with you.

He really was with me through it all.

Perhaps I was not as weak as I felt. After all, the strength of God was within in me and He never fails! My meekness was a strength, not of my own doing, but by His grace. He empowered me to serve and to display strength for both of us when one of us was down. The Bible says that two are better than one. (Ephesians 4: 9-12)

Waiting persisted. Pain persisted. I could choose to be impatient or to use this wait in a wise way. We started broadening the circle of prayer warriors (our church, more family and good friends). Visitors began to arrive and we still had no definitive answers as to what was the true root of this condition. I had a conversation with our boys about this time and answered their questions. I had to be positive and hopeful for them and that helped me so much. In between the moments of tears where moments of inspiration. My sons were a touch of normalcy for me - therapeutic even. Surrounding myself with children was a great idea. They made me feel better.

There were birds outside of Maurice's hospital room that gathered every morning and I was reminded of the verse that says that if God takes care of the birds, how much more will He care for you (Matthew 6: 26-34). The Lord was taking care of us. He was admitted on a Friday and finally on the next Thursday we were still waiting on a report.

On that Friday morning, we called the oncologist who confirmed that he had kappa light chain multiple myeloma. We were ready to hear it, but not ready to receive it.....at all.

Every day is hard.

I will not fear. (Psalm 23:4). I will not be anxious about anything. (Phillippians 4:6-7). We will walk together towards God.

Faithful in priorities

A worker is considered to be good when they have consistent attendance and contribute to the growth of the company. However, in God's economy, kingdom work is consistent service. God looks at motives not money-making. Success in the kingdom is His glory above all else!

Today, take a look at your priorities. What is absolutely FIRST on your lists? Is it the Lord? If so, that's not bad but what is better is making Him central to all you do. When your life is centered around Jesus everything else revolves around Him. He is the reason, the purpose and the goal!

Consistently pursue Him and let those things that do not find their purpose in Christ fall away. It's just dead weight anyway! The best example that we can give you is Jesus Christ Himself. In John 19, we find Jesus in the garden with His disciples. The soldiers are coming to take Him away to be tried and ultimately crucified. Sonce Jesus was laser-focused on His purpose and calling, He did not fight. He was faithful in His priority - To seek and to save the lost. Although strange to His followers that He did not seek self-preservation, Jesus walked this earth as an example to us to be different. He was ok with being faithful....to the end.

Do you have the same resolve? Pray and ask the Lord to show you how to revolve your life around Him and remain faithful consistently..... until the end.

Raising Children of Faith

Your child is suspended. That was what I was told. Maybe you can relate. You feel like you raised a good kid, maybe better than most. You have taken them to church and modeled holiness in your home. Perhaps you even pray for your children regularly but they are still wayward.

God holds parents accountable for the training of their children and their discipline. However,  the name that a child makes for themselves is their own burden to bear.

In the Bible, we read about Eli the Priest and his sons. I can imagine that he raised them to honor God, yet they took it upon themselves to dishonor Him as unholy Priests in His tabernacle. Because Elijah did not correct them,  they all died (I Samuel 2:12-36)

Parenting is hard. We love our kids. We want the best for them and discipline is hard. We have let things slip that we probably needed to discuss. I am sure that there have been times when we have majored on the minor things as well. But parents seeking to raise faithful kids have to draw a line in their home. There has to be some clear white and black boundaries! Let's discuss them.

Inside the Home

For example, we will always honor the Lord in our home. This is our house, so we decide what toys to allow, what audio and visual media is enjoyed and who gets invited over. As parents, we must protect our children as well as our peace. It's OK to disallow what is evil and make allowance for what is good.
The faith you practice in private before your children will stay with them.

We have caught our children doing what is wrong, but we have also caught them doing what was right! Being seen having quiet time or reading the Word is proof that something is sinking in. You will influence your children by your personal daily life more than taking them to church or by lecturing. Your faith increases their faith!

Outside of Home

Some parents feel that they have no control over what happens outside of their home. They relinquish parenting on the corner of their property. Let us share something with you.

Where our feet cannot go,  prayer does!!

Outside the four walls of our home,  there is an uncontrollable environment. Our responsibility as parents is to cover our children in prayer when they are out of sight and arm's reach. The enemy has a plan of attack against our babies. We have to stand guard but we also need to teach our children spiritual warfare. Have you taught your children how to defend themselves in the physical as well as the spiritual?

Faithful Kids

Faithful kids need faithful parents. Our boys are tweens at this time. They are beginning to really test the waters and try to decide who they will be. Although we model Christianity before them,  it's our job as parents to put other Godly examples around them. For example, if you claim to serve God but none of your friends who visit set a good Christ-like example, you are showing them that compromising standards is OK. By acting one way on Sunday and the opposite all week,  you are teaching your children that your faith is in word only, not in deed.

Consistency is key. The more we love and serve Jesus the more we can model that love and service. It does not guarantee great kids,  but our obedience has rewards and so does theirs.

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it( Proverbs 22:6). In 2 Chronicles 6, we read the story of how Solomon was able to do something for God that his father could not. We can set the stage and give our children the tools,  but they will decide how to build. When the right foundation is set, everything else built on it is solid. Let's never have to question whether or not we pointed them to Jesus enough.

Our kids are growing up. Let's give them something to look up too - not us - but Christ!

A fun trip to the zoo - Summer 2017

Anointed Devotions Book

I am devoted to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am honored that He has allowed me to present my latest paperback book to you - Anointed Devotions!

This book is a labor of love and sacrifice. I have shared my daily devotionals with my audience on periscope for over 2 years now and this book is a compilation of my quiet time with Jesus during those years. I encourage each reader to dive deeply into their time with our Lord. Most of us desire a closer relationship with God, but we are not ready to make the sacrifice to do so.

The Cover

This book cover almost brings me to tears. I asked the designer for a picture of a crushed flower that represents my life being poured out like the woman with her alabaster box. It shows what it looks like when we press into God. We are wrecked, but our lives leave the fragrance of our moments with Him. Our sin is exposed and we become naked before holiness. We are undone. I did not want my picture to be a focal point. I wanted to just be found in the anointing. I often say that "I am happy just to be a part". 

If you notice, there are several flowers on the cover and they spill over to the back. This is a picture of the Church making disciples. Not all the flowers are the same. Different shapes, variations of color and size, but all yielded to the anointing. It makes a beautiful tapestry. The cover is glossy to represent the oil - the Holy Spirit who covers us all.

The Format

This is a devotional journal which means that it is not just for reading. It is to be used as a meditation tool, a reflection journal and a prayer diary. My prayer for the reader is that they hear less of my voice and more of His. My entries are scattered throughout the pages while the majority of space is for the Lord to speak to the one who is devoted to being in His presence. 

I want readers to use it in any way they like, but it is divided into 52 week sessions that can be completed in a year's time, however, the reader can begin and end whenever they choose. 

Your devotional time should not be so strict that there is no freedom for God to interrupt, neither should it be so haphazard that you do not notice if God is there at all. 

The Story

This book was truly "birthed". It was an almost three year labor process. Imagine that ladies! Ha! There were definitely some major hurdles and lots of storms. There were tears and moments when I was tempted to give up. Between the interior changes and proofreading nightmares to the unexpected cover switch, I was undone. The real story is that this book is the Lord's and He was guiding the process. I was simply the vessel that I asked to me - nothing more. When I whined about dates and missing my goals, He simply reassured me. When I cried because people where disappointing me, He never wavered. Everything was in His timing. His book, His cover, His story. And now, I get to present it all to YOU!

Periscope 7/14/17

Please let me know your thoughts. Leave comments about the book and what you think of the layout. It's different for a reason. It's unlike any other devotional. Thank you for reading. Dive in with us on facebook in The Devoted group! Find the book online at Amazon, or at a local Barnes & Noble or Walmart!

Paperback and E-book available 7/17/17

The Fruit of Faith

A little mustard seed of faith can grow acres of spiritual fruit!

Prayer of Faith

Consider prayer for instance. I waited and waited for Maurice to change into the man of my dreams. I wished and hoped and nagged, but it didn't work. However, I can promise you that NOTHING worked as fast as the prayer of faith. Why? Well, praying in faith cannot be done until your heart is right. I was out to change a man, but that doesn't really work. God had to change my perspective first. If I was going to pray, I shouldn't be worrying about my husband. If I was going to worry, I had no need to pray.

The reality is, I could only believe God for so much. You know what I mean? A compete makeover would be miraculous. Now don't get me wrong - we were both saved and everything, but oh...the details in marriage!! I wanted him to do laundry my way. I needed him to understand that interior decorating was my department and I didn't want his opinion. He needed to be perfect and never sin, never whine and never point out my errors. Wow. With that mindset, it was difficult to pull the speck out of my husband's eye because of the beam in my own.

The prayer of faith is based on what God knows is best. Something as simple as saying "Let your will be done Lord" is a great prayer of faith. It can move mountains.....and beams out of your eyes too!

Walk by Faith

Your lifestyle is your "walk". How you live out each day shows the world what kind of faith you have. And no one knows you better than your spouse. They say that integrity is who you are when no one is looking, well....faith is looking like what you profess. It's the evidence that backs up your claim to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. The person that can see that best is your marriage partner. What would they say about your faith walk? Is is real or do you have a limp in your spiritual legs?

Faith is not just believing in God. It is far more. It is not merely hope, but firm trust and assurance that God is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do. When you know it, you walk like it!

You want your spouse to be a Godly man who leads his home right? Well, after you have prayed, have the faith to step back and let him lead. Where is your faith? Walk it out and watch God work!

Stay Faithful

Faith without works is dead. Maurice and I took an inventory of couples that we have known since our marriage and it was staggering to see that almost 80% of them are now divorced! The fruit of faith is.....you guessed you....faithfulness! We are certainly not here to throw blame around or cast stones. Some divorces happen for legitimate causes and reasons. However, we also know that when two people of faith collide, there is a harvest.

When we are connected to the same vine, we both have the same opportunity for growth. When two healthy branches intertwine, they support each other don't they? Your fruit actually has MORE potential when you are surrounded by others with the same connection. Now you could pluck a grape from another vine and throw it on top of yours so you could be together, but obviously, one will grow weaker and the other stronger. After a while, that disconnected grape will fall away. It's only a matter of time that separation is inevitable - now and for eternity.

However, when we remain, we reproduce, we get stronger, we thrive off of one another. That is our prayer for you in your marriage. Don't settle for a marriage that does not look like Christ and His church. Pray in FAITH until something happens, then keep right on praying. Stay faithful to God in prayer and stay faithful in your marriage!

Good fruit: Spiritual Growth in and out of Season

The bible describes one of the fruit of the Spirit as goodness. The Holy Spirit within us can somehow produce good fruit. This is contrasted with the fruit of the flesh. If we "live in the Spirit" we will not exhibit fleshly fruit. The Bible says that these are contrary to each other. We naturally produce worldly fruit but it must take some supernatural fertilizer to produce spiritual fruit right?

Living in the spirit is making the conscience effort to step back and allow God to lead your life. When we make decisions, one thing leads to another and that is how a life is formed. Your previous knowledge and previous choices have led you to the life that you experience today. But what if you had a fork in that road and chose to follow God down a different street? Then His knowledge would change the trajectory of your life. That is how living in the Spirit is. It takes you from living life on your own terms to readjusting your life for spiritual growth that produces good fruit.

Production for good fruit requires right growing conditions. You need to sun, water and time to ripen. Fruit is good when it is mature - not too soon before and definitely not after. It needs to be just right. However, who has a just right life? Fruit can only be developed in season, but spiritual fruit ripens in and out of season. You can only be fully ready at all times for all things by aligning your life with Almighty God.

All things that are good in our lives are a result of God's goodness to us. Jesus said "I am the vine, you are are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing". (John 15:5, KJV)

Just as we can do no good without Him, we need Him to be any good at all.

 Good fruit is the only kind of fruit that is worth eating. Everything else is either counterfiet or bad or both. Think about it. Even if you have some good fruit, if it is not used, it will begin to go bad. God gives us ample opportunity to be fruit-bearers on this earth. We can practice faith and kindness and goodness daily, but many times, we let it "go bad". We waste our love and peace by replacing it with counterfeit fruits. This does not please God and people know when you are not genuinely following Jesus and have a true connection to His vine.

So how about we get the right heart conditions for bearing good fruit and show what a real connection to Jesus looks like!

Good Grief

It is good to grieve. It is helpful and healing. When we wait to let go of things that bother us, we tend to emotionally "constipate" ourselves. Sometimes we are backed up with hurtful thoughts and feelings especially in our closest relationships.

As a wife, I was queen of stuffing things inside. I would wait and wait to share some of my most deep heartfelt issues with Maurice. I figured that I was overreacting. On a good day, I would say that I was just a forgiving person, but the truth was, that I was not dealing with my emotions in a healthy way. I needed to grieve. Sometimes it was something simple, other times it was overwhelming. When things would finally surface, I would find myself very angry and I would not communicate well at all.

Grieving is not just for when we lose someone close to us. It is also for other loses as well. Consider these:

Sometimes we grieve our sinful habits! We no longer engage in certain activities and we miss them. There may be broken relationships due to your newly found life in Christ. Let's face it. Sin feels good, but it is not good for us. It is truly "good grief" in that case.

The bible tells us not to grieve the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30, KJV). The Spirit is with us to convict us of our wrong. When we ignore His tug on our hearts, He is grieved. We are ignoring Him. We are not sharing with Him. We push Him out when we do not give Him access.

So how do we move on? These areas are tender for us, like a scabbed wound that we do not want to peel off. As true as that is, we must remember that Jesus died for all our wounds - physical, mental, emotional and otherwise. Only He can make a scabbed area brand new! Everything is colored blue when we view it through our hurt and pain. God doesn't just want to cover your scars. He wants to completely restore you.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away, behold, all things are become new (2 Corinthians 5:17, KJV).

We have to face our grief so that we can overcome it. Acknowledge that you need to deal with it and then pray and ask the Lord to remove that burden from your soul. Life may "take you there" with all of its twists and turns, but be sure that the same God that gave you life can also renew it. Pour out everything that you have stuffed inside and trust God with it. Do it over and over until all that is left is a vessel that He can fill. And He will fill it. He is waiting to exchange our grief with His grace.

Not good Enough

When I measure myself by other people, one of two things happen. Either I am not good enough or I am better by comparison. However, when I use God's ruler, I always come up short on holiness. Always. There is just no way that my goodness even comes close to His greatness!

The enemy loves to tell us that we are better than we really are.  He did it to Eve. In the book of Genesis, everything God made was good. Even the trees were good for food. The first mention of evil is in regards to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. (Genesis 2:9,17). God said not to touch it or eat it. "Did God really say that you could eat of every tree in the garden?", whispered the serpent. Eve's current level of knowledge was not good enough for her, so she desired to be wise "like God" as the serpent suggested. We often figure that what we have, what we drive, our relationships and our money are simply not enough. We crave more than our current paradise.

In this passage, the enemy actually contends that God's ruler is incorrect. He asserts that what God said was in error and that we deserve whatever we want, whenever we want it....like, now! It's such a sneaky deception. He plays on our discontent by comparing us to God. He knows that if we recognize who God is, that our only right response is always pure obedience because we can't get on His level! Really?

Going head to head with omnipotence and omniscience is utter foolishness!

 When we do not stay in our God-given lane or our "scope of practice" in nursing terms, we start to look around and stray off the path for our own lives. We think "Maybe I need to get on tv, start a podcast, do a screenplay". "I need a better car". "My kids have to have the same toys as their kids". "I need a husband/wife like THAT ONE!". Adam and Eve had it all. Every tree. All the food. No guilt. No shame. No problem. They had enough until they were led by their lust to covet more.

Once our eyes are trained on what is "not good", we often forget how good what we already have is.

I want us all to try something ok? Look around you. Examine your life. What good do you see? You have so much. You are so blessed, so rich. So why be unsatisfied and discontent? Practice gratefulness and appreciation instead. Find a way to remember all the things that you asked God for that He gave you. Walk around your living space and pull out some old things that you forgot about. Remember those pictures from that amazing trip? Look at all the food you have in so many different palaces! Do you have friends, family, a job, clothing, shelter, money? Then what are we whining about?

God has given us EVERYTHING that pertains to life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) Let's learn to enjoy it!

Hardening Hard Hearts

Bitterness. Unforgiveness. Holding a grudge. Sin. All of these kinds of things harden our hearts. They stiffen us and build walls to keep people (and God) out. The enemy knows that if he can close you in and get you centered in on yourself, that you will implode. We are made like a filter - emotionally speaking. We need to be able to cycle through our emotions in a healthy way. There are good days and bad days and those who follow Jesus need to learn to appropriate every feeling we have.

The bible warns us to stay repentant and to remain in a place where we can be convicted by the Holy Spirit. If not, the hardening remains. Like a heart with vessels hardened by cholesterol, sin makes it difficult to feel for others and especially from God and then you die. The blood is there for your healing, but it cannot move to help. We only harden what is already hard when we stop the flow of the Holy Spirit.

What you have been eating is now eating you.

The Word of God needs to land on soft soil for growth in order to produce change in your life. Mark 4:16-17 talks about letting seeds fall on different kinds of ground. We could think of the status of our hearts in that way. Some of us are rocky and nothing will grow there. Some are thorny and allow the cares of this world to choke out anything good. Some seed falls on good ground. Those hearts are a good environment. They have been uprooted from the stuff holding them down and have allowed the Lord to cut out things that hinder their growth.

The fruit of gentleness is a product of allowing the Holy Spirit to convict and reform our hearts. When we are tempted to lash out at our spouse or to steal or gossip, the Lord will make you sensitive to the Word that has already been planted in your heart. The guilt that we feel is a sign that the fruit of gentleness has been planted. When we no longer have guilt, our hearts are too hard. God is knocking at the door of our hearts, but we cannot even hear Him anymore. The heart vessels are clogged. We cannot forgive. We can't let it go. We are unable to sense the Holy Spirit moving.

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient.... (Romans 1:27-28).

The Bible warns us of having these reprobate minds. We don't even want to hear from God once we reach a certain plateau. Don't let your heart go there. Don't wander to far away from the Lord because the wider that divide is, the harder it will be to get back to a soft heart. Think of it as a hard-boiled egg. It can't be soft again because it has been boiled. However, God is the God of do-overs and second chances. He can do it!

So how do we make a change? 

1. Return to your first love. Exchange your sin and bitterness and pride for His forgiveness, grace and hope. Sometimes it takes a while to identify all the things that have stunted your growth for so long. As the Lord to reveal even the hidden things that you hide from yourself. He is waiting to embrace us. Always.

2. Repent. God is holy. He is ready and willing to forgive you of what you have not even forgiven yourself of but we must acknowledge that we cannot do it alone. You will only harden a hard heart if you don't.

3. Plant. What God has removed from your heart is not an open space to re-introduce it. Tell the devil that he has NO PLACE any longer and he is completely evicted. Then you must quicky fill your heart with the Word of God. His promises and affirmations will sustain you and grow the fruit of gentleness where bitterness once resided.

Softening a hard heart is not easy, but it is necessary for growth in all of our relationships.

Such a Gentleman

We are working on teaching the boys to be gentlemen. They are being encouraged to open the door for ladies, to not burp or belch out loud, to be neat and clean and polite. It is important for us to instill in them that being a gentleman is something that is internal and external. It is good to be clean inside and out!

When we remember that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit, we can better understand that we are representing Christ in how we look, what we say and how we act and respond every day. We may not think that people are watching our behavior but we really are either bringing people closer to the knowledge of God or turning them away from Him.

Our children are watching our marriage too! How does mommy treat daddy? Is she rude and mean or is she polite and endearning? Does daddy yell and slam doors or is he patient and sweet. Are we showing love or are we being selfish? Someone is always watching our actions towards each other.

We model what we truly believe in our hearts and minds. It is one thing to say that we should be showing respect, but quite another to live it out day after day and week after week in our homes, in our workplaces and at the grocery store.

We have certainly had our share of mistakes in being gentle with each other, but today we want to give you a few more ideas to cultivate the soil in preparation to grow more gentleness.

1. Pray for the Fruit of Gentleness. This aspect is not naturally occurring. It is a fruit of the Spirit, not of the flesh. As the One who abundantly supplies all your needs for the seed of gentleness.

2. Gentle Speech. A huge part of gentleness is in the way we converse with each other. Practice not interrupting when others are speaking and learning to really listen to others. When it is necessary to bring correction, remember to do it in love!

3. Gentle Wisdom. The way we share Christ with others is important. Jesus often showed God to others by healing and doing other miracles. He fed them and loved them, then gently shared with them the truth of why He was sent. He answered their questions with the scripture and was firm against what was wrong. 

Being gentle is not being weak. It is proudly standing behind what God says!

4. Being a Gentleman/Gentlewoman. The Bible tells us that Jesus was gentle and we should follow His example. It is what differentiates His followers from others. God never coerces or forces us to follow Him. He is the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep. John got the idea when he writes that "He must become greater and I must become less" (John 3:30).

5. Repent. Our only right reaction to the sacrifice of Christ is our lives. He took our place on the cross and we owe Him as our reasonable service (Romans 12:1,2). When we know what is right to do and we do not do it, we sin . Sin separates us from God. Jesus was the perfect gentleman and our right response is gratefulness and saying "Thank you" for the rest of our lives.

Be Patient

Have you ever been told to be patient? The person speaking is usually slightly annoyed right? Was it your parents? I have become my parents. I feel as though this is our daily mantra around the house. I'm trying to replace it, but it is quite difficult. "Boys be patient". "Stop interrupting and be patient". "Be patient with your brother". "Hold on. Wait a few minutes, ok?". I have come to the conclusion that one of two things is the case. Either I am not being patient enough or my kids are way to demanding - or maybe both!

Or perhaps you struggle with patience in your marriage. It can be tough to wait on those answers to your prayers. We may be tempted to get ahead of God and not consider our spouse in our decision-making at times. Impatience can make our relationships extremely frustrating!

But...how do you think God feels? He sees the end from the beginning, yet he waits for us to "get it". We are God's children and He has patience that makes no human sense. It is one of the reasons that Jesus has not yet returned. He is patient in waiting for folks to repent. Very patient! How amazing and truly merciful of Him! We are mere humans with such selfish tendencies and yet, God has amazing grace towards us.

The Bible tells us to let patience have her perfect work in us. There is a fruit of the spirit that can only be developed through this process - this one. Let it work. Don't always take the stance of "poor me". It's fruitless right? How horrible would it be if a farmer worked so hard during crop season, went through such a rough time to grow some plants that should bear fruit and ended up with nothing. Nothing to show for all his efforts. That is what it is like for us to complain through the hard seasons. We discover that it has not formed anything in us. We have no fruit in that season. God wants to use every single thing that we go through to make His name great and to get the glory that He is due.

So if God Himself shows such great patience to us, shouldn't we show patience with others? We can be patient with our children and with our spouse. We can be patient with co-workers and that person driving in front of us. We can be patient in the store and as we wait on the phone.

Remember, it's not about you, it is about what the Lord wants to form you into.

Be patient. Learn how to suffer long.

Are you scared to pray for Longsuffering?

Are you scared? I could see why. I have even heard clergy tell people to be careful what they pray for because God might actually give it to you. We don't like suffering, especially suffering long. Why pray for that? Is is really necesssary?

The Bible tells us that love suffers long (I Corinthians 13:4) and we also read that longsuffering,or patience, is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians5:11).

God empowers us to do the hard things.

Marriage is hard. Raising children is hard. Getting a degree is hard. Living a holy life is hard. However, they are all worth it. Let me encourage you today. Don't be so focused on what you may have to go through in this life. The Bible tells us repeatedly to focus on glory and to put our hope and treasures in eternal things. All you see and experience in this life is temporary and fleeting - so is longsuffering.

If you are married, God has especially graced you with a partner to go through life with. Think of yourselves as a team. You are not alone. Your partner is with you and you have the power to:

1. Pray Together. There have been times when one of us has been so overwhelmed and then the Lord reminds us that we are stronger and our prayers are more effective together. So we stop and pray.

2. Read the Word Together. This is a powerful thing. The Word itself has power and reminding each other of the Word of God is life! Nothing your spouse says is more powerful than what God says.

3. Fight Together. Don't fight against each other. Fight your mutual enemy with the Word together! The Bible tells us that one can put a thousand to flight and two cna route ten-thousand!

The enemy is no match for a couple that works together to defeat him in Jesus name!

So...yeah, you may have to suffer some, but sweet victory awaits you at the finish line. We can take up our crosses and follow Christ no matter the cost. This is what it means to be His disciple!

Wait for it

In just a moment....

Hold on.....

Just give me a second.....

Do these sound like familiar phrases? All of us have been on the waiting side and some of us have been on the "hurrying to serve" side of impatience. Patience is a virtue as they say. You have probably also heard that good things come to those who wait. Both true, but not easily accomplished, right?

However, some of the bestest things (yes, bestest) are worth the wait! A brand new baby, a newly built home, a college degree, sex (yup...it's worth it!). It is the value that we place on the "longed-for thing" that makes it such a delight after we have waited for a while - suffered and pained for its arrival.

It truly is our flesh that makes us so impatient at times. It demands its own way always. We are like this from birth and some of us never grow out of it.

Maurice and I met online and we waited months and months before we ever met face to face. In was in this waiting period that we grew to know each other on more than just a surface level. I believe that it was a deeper relationship without the physical elements. You see, patience is a spiritual fruit. It thrives in the spiritual realm, not the physical one. Learning to wait patiently is just one level. Being joyful while you wait is quite another. So we waited to meet and took our time to get to know one another and then when we were sure, we hurried to marry - primarily because we had waited to have sex and to live together.

There is a song called "I don't mind waiting". I never used to sing it because it was a lie. I DID mind. I minded waiting a lot. I figured that is was time for some things in my life and God was not getting the memo. Thank God that before I jumped into situations that could have ruined my witness, I discovered the power of learning from the mistakes of others! The Bible encourages this when we are reminded about the children of Israel in the book of Joshua. God tells the next generation to learn from their predecessors (who died in the wilderness complaining) so that they could enter the Promised Land that He already promised.

I encourage anyone to not rush what God is taking His time to prepare and make just right for you. 

Jesus gave instructions about communion in I Corinthians 11:34. If people were too impatient to wait for their shared meal at church, they should eat at home. The practice of communion, or The Lord's Supper is a sacrament today. In many church, the entire group eats and drinks together to remind them of Jesus' broken body and spilled blood on the cross. So in context, some church people were just hungry and did not wait.

They fed the physical and starved the spiritual. 

Why would you rush a chef that is baking or a surgeon that is working in his gift? It makes no sense right? You could buy a house built on sand or have a custom-built brick one. You could quickly buy a college degree certificate or actually go through the process of earning a real one. We appreciate less what others only half-heartedly prepare, so let's not be impatient. It is not worth it. If you are struggling with this, pray to God for a change of your own heart. Ask the Lord to grow patience in you and He will. Then wait for it.

Making Peace

We cannot manufacture peace. We cannot conjure it up and manifest it before others. Only God creates peace. Some people speak of making their peace with God, meaning that they get an understanding with their Maker before death - ask His forgiveness and finally set their spiritual affairs in order. However, I want you to consider today that it is not only important to "get right with God" but with people too and that none of it is possible without the Lord's intervention.

The peacemaker is God Himself. We are unable to make peace with Him or anyone for that matter without His divine intervention. Just as we cannot forgive ourselves of sin, or be good enough before a Holy God, we cannot make peace happen. But we can be peacemakers by allowing His peace to work in our hearts.

"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God". 

Matthew 5:9, KJV

This verse implies that the children of God are those who make peace. It is through the relationship that we have with our Father that we are enabled or empowered to make peace. Jesus said "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you..." (John 14:27). Jesus is the One who make things right with God on our behalf so that we can be like Him and make peace with others.

Because He is the peace-giver, we can be peace-makers. It is not intrinsic of us, but due to the One who lives in us that peace ever happens.

Peacemakers have peace with God, make peace in their hearts with their enemies and with themselves. The Bible tells us that there is no peace or rest to the wicked (Isaiah 48:22, 57:21). A key to peace is forgiveness. Making peace can come through the avenue of forgiveness or be a dead end for those who refuse to forgive others. When we confess our sins, God forgives us and there is peace between us. True torture is being apart from the peace that come through forgiveness by God forever. We will be forgiven in the same way that we forgive others ( Mark 11:26). Now that can be a spooky thought. How do you forgive?

Peacemakers love their enemies. When we forgive those who hurt us, peace is restored in our hearts. We are to forgive others as we have been forgiven (Luke 6:27,28). Jesus was the perfect example. He forgave those who put Him on the very cross that He died on. The Bible does not instruct us to make our enemies our friends, it only says to love them. 

Love forgives and when we do that, we make room for peace.

When we also let go of bitterness and jealousy, we make peace in our own minds for ourselves. The opposite of peace is war. We truly wage war by holding onto things that do not belong to us. Sins of envy and roots of bitterness or pride can truly entangle the mind in spiritual warfare. There is anything but peace to the person who chooses to fill themselves with these kinds of things. Peace comes when we accept the fact that these are tools of the enemy to infiltrate our minds and we reject and renounce them before they reek havoc in our spirits. Peace is a fruit of the Spirit. Renovate your heart and mind by evicting any other spirits that are in operation in your life so that you can experience the freedom that peace can bring. 

Peace is in Christ alone.

When Sin Infects your Peace

Germs! I hate them. Yet they are everywhere. I am that girl that actually uses the little wipes they give you to cleanse the handles of your grocery shopping cart. Do you have any idea how many people have touched that??

If you could look through a microscope and see all the dangers around you, I bet you would want to curl up in a ball and live in a bubble. My first microbiology class for nursing school made us all squirm and itch. The germs are among us. Forget the five-second rule! You know that one that you claim when a bit of your favorite food falls on the bacteria-infested, feet-trodden surface that we call the floor? Yup....that rule.

The risks that we take breathing the same air on an elevator are unfathomable! I am especially leery of the folks that like to talk right. in. your. FACE, or those who may not wash their hands after they cover a sneeze. It's a scary world out here. We must beware!

Now...we could live in a bubble and in fear of every microscopic terror, or we could do the opposite and ignore the impending infections waiting to kill. OR....we could live life in a balance.

Sin is like that.

It is ever present because we are born into it. Adam and Eve, two imperfect people like ourselves were created with the inclination to disobey God. If we say that we have no germs.... I mean, never sin...then we lie. We deceive ourselves. (I John 1:10)

We cannot escape the fact that we are prone to sin because we are born with flesh. We cannot deny it, so we must be delivered from it.

As a nurse, I have seen germs at work in a body. They are sneaky critters that like to grow in dark, wet places as well as in plain sight like mold and fungus. All infections and infestations start small and seemingly insignificant, but eventually they make their presence known. Think about the word DIS-EASE. It removes comfort, rest and PEACE! The body is thrown into a cycle of war within. Your equilibrium is off. Your homeostasis is off-kilter. There is no rest until the substance that has entered is removed or annihilated.

Sin is a disease, but Jesus is the Cure!

When we are ill, we see a doctor right? The dis-ease is sometimes physical, sometimes mental or spiritual. Where there is a lack of peace, we can often diagnose sin. Our guilt will take a hold of our hearts and rip us apart from the inside out. Sin will destroy relationships with everyone you care about. It will make you look horrible and sick. It will not allow you to hold onto other things that are holy and righteous, you will abort them. Then it multiplies.

No one is safe with sin in their lives. It is a killer. The Bible tells us that the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life. (Romans 6:23)

Unlike anything else, Jesus can make you completely whole, healed and at peace. Whatever turmoil you may be experiencing is nothing that the Great Physician has not seen before. Let him be your cure.

Peace at all costs

What would you pay for perfect peace?

If you could have perfect peace about your relationship, your money, the kids, your job, what would that look like. Nevermind that it seems impossible. What if it were? What would your life look like then?

We strive for peace (like a good vacation will fix our lives), but to no avail. Well at least I did. Work hard now and I will have peace later. Hustle now, retire then.

But what about NOW?

One thing that I am learning about as we got through this study about peace is this....peace is not for later, it is for right now, your current situation. You may be thinking "How is that even possible? There is so much chaos all around me!". It is true that lives will toss and turn us, but let me share with you the secret of peace. Here it is....

The Lord keeps those in perfect peace whose minds are stayed on Him because he trusts in Him. Isaiah 26:3

Let's look at this verse closely.

The Lord keeps - The first thing I notice in this verse is that I can breathe a sigh of relief because God is the keeper of my peace, not me. He brings it and He sustains it. It is not something that I can "muser up" on my own.

Perfect peace - What we think of as perfect may not be perfect at all. You may think that a little extra cash will bring you the peace you desire. Or maybe if your spouse was more romantic and less critical you would have peace then. No. This is a peace that come directly from the Prince of Peace. It can not be manufactured by human willpower.

Minds are stayed because we trust - Just because you think about God (mind stayed on Him) does not mean that peace is automatic. Read the entire verse in context. Sometimes the truth is that we just do not trust God with our issues. It's too big and too much. You need to know that it is our trust that leads to our continual meditation of the One who brings us peace.

So even if life is topsy-turvy or feels like a cyclone has hit, we have the power to maintain our peace by trusting in God. The mind is a very powerful thing. Learning to wield it and place it under the authority of God can change your life!

By realizing that we have the ability to stay calm in a storm, or bring our thoughts under subjection, we destroy the power of the enemy to steal our peace.

It doesn't make sense to have peace when everything else tells you that you should be at war, but I want to encourage you that it is attainable, possible and readily available. Don't trust me on this, trust God!

Anointed Devotions

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My second book is here! Check out this 52 week devotional journal that can be started at any time of the year!

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Rejoice!

Rejoice and be glad. Sing aloud. Biblical rejoicing is usually not quiet and subdued. No, one would break forth into loud singing. You would cry out and physically jump. Have you ever shouted God's praises?

Check out these instances in Psalm 33:1, Isaiah 54:1, Psalm 71:23 and Isaiah 49:21.

I know that there are different schools of thought about this. Some people might say,  "It doesn't take all that to praise the Lord". Or they may respond that it's not done like that in their church.

When Maurice and I were courting we attended very different churches. In my church we were loud. We jumped, clapped and played the drums. His church was much more reserved, solemn and meditative. We agreed as a couple that we both wanted something in between the two.

Too much or too little, even in praise and worship, can be a distraction from the One that we are praising and worshipping!

Just like anyone,  there can be times when we fall on our faces because we are overwhelmed with the majesty of God. There are also times of great outbursts of joy when we exclaim the wondrous works of our God. Both are appropriate. Both are acceptable to God. He deserves it all for sure!

When we religiously demand that God be honored in just one right way,  we miss the point. God sees your heart anyway. He knows your motivation. Is your praise dance for show and applause? Are you actually asleep in your prostrate worship? Are you judging others in Church because they wave their hands or stand for every song,  or not? Let's be real!

The highest praise in your "Hallelujah" might be in a car alone at the top of your lungs. In another instance,  you just may hear someone whisper "Glory to God" through their quiet tears of joy. What we ARE commanded to do, is to praise the Lord at all times and in all situations. That is always right and proper. There should be times of outbursts and joyful singing. There is nothing wrong with praising God in many ways and forms. Read Psalm 150 for more ideas.

It is fitting to be joyful in praise to our Worthy Lord. It doesn't matter how you do it,  just do it!

Pleasures Forevermore

Knowing Christ fulfills our joy and at his right hand are pleasures forever.

There Is no greater Joy than surrendering your life to Christ. Some may feel that this surrender would cost them everything but the opposite is true. He gives us everything we need to live and richly to enjoy when we surrender our lives and give everything to Him.

Lately, I have had an interest in minimalism. It is the thought that less is more. Having fewer possessions helps you be more grateful for what you have. It causes you to not be lustful or greedy, but more appreciative. When the rich young ruler said that he had kept all of the laws and prophets from his youth up, he asked what more Jesus required of him. Jesus pretty much told him to give all of his goods away. "Give to the poor and follow me", He said. The rich young ruler was overcome and could not believe that he would have to do such a great thing. It is interesting that giving those things away would be the price of receiving all that you could ever  need or want in Christ.

We are quick to worry about what we lose with Christ instead of what we gain.

God truly knows how to fulfill our joy. We think it lies in positions, and stuff and in money. The Bible is quick to let us know that whosoever will gain his life will lose it and whoever will lose his life for Christ's sake will gain it. It doesn't seem to make sense, but it is true.

Investing your life in Jesus is the best thing you could ever do. The return on that investment is monumental and eternal.

Real JOY!

Real Joy has to be found, developed and cultivated in our spiritual lives. I say that it is spiritual because other emotions that counterfeit as Joy are only fleeting. They are temporary and circumstantial. Joy = Jesus + Others + Yourself. This order and priority can make joy a more permanent fixture in your life. Joy is much more than having happy moments.

Temporary happiness does not last. It is based around what happens to you and not who lives within you.

Get Joy

The Bible tells us in Galatians 6 that Joy is a fruit of the spirit. It is the Holy Spirit that develops Joy within you. We also learn through the Word of God that Joy is something that has to continually be refilled. We see words like rejoice in the Bible. It is not a one-time happenstance. Joy has to be birthed again and again. If we go with the analogy of joy as a fruit, think of it as being reseeded over and over again. No matter what the circumstances are, no matter what life brings, Joy remains.

Sow Joy

Enabling the power of the Holy Spirit to produce the joy and you is just the beginning. Joy is something that must be sown in your life continually. Where are instances and situations in your life that you can Rejoice about? It should be a daily habit to have a grateful and thankful heart. This is the flower bed for joy. Understand that Joy needs the right environment to thrive. It must be intentionally planted and constantly watered in order to grow. When we view our lives through the light that God provides, we will see the growth of Joy. There is always a reason to be joyful. There is always opportunity to praise God in whatever situation we find ourselves.

Reap Joy

I'm sure that all of us can recall a time that we were especially thankful and grateful to God for doing something amazing. It is those very times that we need to recall during the more harder and stressful times of our lives.

We can reap Joy from previous situations by recalling the great testimonies of our past.

Rekindle your Joy by recollecting all of God's bountiful grace and mercy towards you throughout your life. You may not feel joyful in the situation that you are right now, but you can remember when things were far worse. If he did it before, he can do it again!


Be joyful in all circumstances. Rejoice always, and again I say, rejoice! 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Philippians 4:4

Married Money

Before marriage we manage our own money and finances. We decide what is risky and what is not, what we will spend, save or give. After marriage, our money gets married. What? Never heard of that before? It's true. If you are one with your spouse, everything that you have is now married too. Let's chat about what that means.

Married Debt

Your debt gets married when you do. You now owe more if your spouse has debt. Your credit score is now averaged and their debt burden is yours to share. Make a plan as a couple to get out of debt completely. It is very possible.

One thing that you have to agree on is to not make new debt! Married debt, when out of controls, reproduces new baby debt. The babies are never cute. They suck the life out of you and your spouse and keep you up at night.

See a debt counselor and consolidate into reasonable payments for your budget. Live simply to accomplish this. You don't need what you think you need!


Married Spending

In marriage, there is a spender and a saver. Which are you? Which is your spouse? Understand how you both feel about money. The spender needs freedom to spend, but retain self-control. The saver needs to save and have a cushion no matter what.

Learning to compromise with money is a marriage lesson. You may not be able to manage your money the way another couple does. Comparison kills. Just don't do it. Also, do not let your accounts dip below certain amounts. Map out what you really need and always pay your bills on time.

Married Savings

There is nothing like having a little something extra in the bank, but trust us, you will NEED it! Plan for unforeseen expenses like hospital bills, car maintenance and trips out of town. It's a blessing to be able to pay for these types of things in cash instead of reaching for a credit card.

Savings are also beneficial for helping others in their time of need. You have to agree with your spouse that you will both give to a certain person, ministry or cause. It is much more rewarding to mutually give.

Married Money Goals

Your married money works for you, not vice versa. Tell it what to do, where to grow, how to mature and multiply. Do it together.

There is no feeling like meeting a financial goal that you have set with your spouse. Set some goals - buy a car, pay off some debt, save for a house or future children, start a business, give extra to your church. Money is just a tool. Ask the Lord for what you need....and what you want.

Your money goes further when you let it serve you and serve God with it!