How to Stay Married for a DECADE

Ten years with one person is a long time these days. Statistics show that over fifty percent of U.S. marriages are lasting no more than seven years. That itch for divorce is real!

When we reached ten years, we celebrated with a very romantic trip to a secluded, privately owned cabin in Hocking Hills, Ohio. It was just the two of us. How did we get to that point? Well, let us share our How To's. This is by no means an all-inclusive list, but we think that there are some things that we will share, that other couples do not make a priority. So here goes...

1. Put God first. We have said it before and we will say it again. God authored marriage and He holds it together. You MUST pray regularly for yourself and your spouse daily.

2. Be kind. Politeness goes a long way in a marriage. Treat your spouse like you would a stranger and it makes a huge difference.

3. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Always assume that your spouse has your best interest at heart and never intend to hurt you purposefully. This is something that we discovered many years into our marriage. It's a game-changer!

4. Communicate not just daily, but throughout the day. We text, call, write and send messages to each other religiously. Even a simple "I love you" or "How are you doing" at any time means that you are being thought of and we ALL want that!

5. Spend time with other couples. Our church has a great group of couples that meets monthly. It is very refreshing to know that you are not in this alone. Make group dates a priority.

6. Ask them what they want from you. Do not assume in sex or otherwise that you know just what your spouse needs. It is best to ask and to listen to the answer, then do, buy or say what they prefer.

7. Let your spouse know your limits. You really have to let your spouse know what you can and cannot tolerate from them. In our relationship, being flirty is a no-no. Define your own boundaries and do not cross them!

8. Celebrate your anniversary. This is really important. You always need to remember your why. Why did we marry? Look at the picture and videos. Do something special on that day every year. Never forget.

9. Join the same church. We cannot understate this! We know couples that have lasted more than ten years and they attend different congregations, but we do not recommend this. You need to be on the same page as far as your belief systems.

10. Have sex. Plan it if you have to, but make it happen regularly. Never have your spouse question whether or not you are still interested in them physically. It hurts deeply. Be the chaser and the chased who gets caught. Do your research on your issues and work it out. (pun intended)

Hopefully, these ten tips will help you on your way to having a long successful marriage til death do you part. That really is the ultimate goal. Never forget that. "...With God all things are possible." (Mark 10:23-27

A Call To Love

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16, KJV).

A love that is patient, a love that is kind, a love that holds no record of wrong, a love that makes the impossible, possible; that love entered the world over 2000 years ago. As we prepare our hearts and minds to celebrate Christmas, we reflect on the magnitude of how we see God's love in his grace and mercy.  Looking to John 3:16, we rest our focus on the word love, a love reflected as a selfless sacrifice.

God's love led him to come to earth and to die on the cross, knowing that some may never even choose to love him back. The love displayed through Jesus Christ is not meant to be only be looked at but to strive for. Each day we are on this earth is an opportunity to be more like Jesus.

As we celebrate Christ in this season, we ought not to lose focus of our commitment to love. God has called us to love, and God's love learns to love in and through all things. We are called to love our spouses, our children, and even those that do not love us back. Christ-like love is not just a word, it is an action. It is a person. Love is Jesus.

Decade of Thankfulness

This has been 10 years of gratitude with my husband and we are so thankful for where God has brought us from.

In 2009 we had a different car and our boys were not yet teenagers. In 2009 we had been married for 8 years and there was still so much growing to do. We knew before we were matried that God called us to serve Him together.

In these past 10 years, we have walked closer together towards God in ministry. Here is our walk through memory lane:

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We began our online Bible study for couples in 2009 on Facebook. We would continue it for four and a half fruitful years.

Then, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in 2011. In that year we finished 3 years of homeschooling and sent the boys to public school for the first time.

In 2012, we were speakers at a marriage conference and led a workshop together. God had begun opening doors for speaking engagements.

The Titus Ten book was birthed in 2013 and made the bestsellers list! Wifestyle Image Network also began that year with our first website. Over 30 women in 3 countries joined.

W.I.N. began traveling to speak in 2014. We also lost about 4 family patriarchs over the next 4 years.

In 2015, we began teaching together at a local church for VBS. It was fantastic to minister together! We taught a class of almost twenty kids as a couple.

We were a part of the launch team for the 7 Rings of Marriage book and helped promote their online marriage summit in 2016. In the same year, we started a christian couples community on google but it ended quickly. W.I.N. hosted The Purity Panel on youtube which was also shared that year with over 100 participants! There were about 5-6 ministry events/opportunities that year for W.I.N.

However, the highlight of 2016 was when BOTH of our sons publicly confessed their faith through baptism! *tears*

In 2017, the book Anointed Devotions was released along with the daily devotions on periscope for W.I.N. I had over 7 speaking and/or ministry events including radio and out of town engagements.

From 2017- 2018, our world was rocked by cancer but we overcame by the blood of the Lamb. Maurice received chemotherapy for Multiple Myeloma and we prayed through the holidays.

We jumped right back into serving after Maurice received a transplant in January of 2018. We led a couples small group at church, had radio interviews and led a workshop. I ministered at about five ladies events for the rest of that year.

This year (2019) was phenomenal!! More books were sold than ever. We also led a teen ministry at our church. People were saved and healed from illness. Marriages were strengthened. Anita traveled to 6 states for women's events with W.I.N. Maurice has NO signs of cancer whatsoever!

We are excited to see what the next decade holds. Our prayer is that we will keep walking together towards God!

Marriage of the Sexes

God has created each and every one of us
with a specific gender. We are created with the specific gender for a specific purpose. When we enter marriage, gender is of paramount importance.

A woman looking, acting and being female is God's design. A man who looks, acts and embraces masculinity is also God's design.
We are designed in a different way  physically for God's purposes and for our pleasure. Being male is for men and being female is for women. Embracing our separate roles can help our marriages to thrive.

 Have you ever notice that the more feminine a woman is the more attractive to a real man she becomes? The same goes for men. When they are truly masculine women are attracted to them.  God made us to be magnets for one another; magnets that are hard to very separate from one another.

 In marriage, we reach one of the major goals for why we were created. It says in the book of Genesis that one of our goals is to reproduce and to multiply (Genesis 1:27,28, KJV). This refers to more than just physical procreation, but also to spiritual growth. Physically we manifest what we should also be doing spiritually.

 When a person is born again they become a new creature. We start in a baby phase if you will, and we have to grow up into maturity and reproducing other disciples. In the same way our physical bodies grow from infancy to adulthood into a state where we can reproduce and have children.

 Reproduction can only take place with a male and a female.  An egg and a sperm must unite in order for reproduction to take place as God designed it. An egg and a sperm have to be united in order for this to happen. It is natural.

 The supernatural happens when we fully embrace the gender that God has assigned us and we use it for His glory alone. In marriage, God only calls us to be exactly what He created us to be - either male or female. In this way we become a mirror of Christ and His Church to the world.

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church."
Ephesians 5:31‭-‬32 KJV

When we attempt to change our sex or to manipulate our gender identity, we rock the foundation of who we are and we minimize our potential in the Earth.

 Since marriage in The Bible is defined by one man and one woman in loving relationship which leads to procreation and recreation, we directly oppose God's design when we do anything otherwise.

Fully enjoy marriage. Fully enjoy sex. Fully be who God intended you to be!

💙 The Beautiful Providence of God

 I started on the internet back in 1998 using free AOL dial up monthly passes and also using my Juno email account. In June of 2000 I posted an ad on Excite.com a singles classified website. Anita answered my "want ad". I thought "Okay she seems nice". So once or twice a month, we wrote each other emails. I wrote from Indiana to her in Ohio.

                              

                     Not the actual ad

 That September I was going for training in Ohio for my new job. So I figured “Hey, maybe we can meet there”. It would be about half way for both of us. Long story short, she didn't meet me there, didn't call and I was very upset driving back to Indiana. A little bit after I got home she called me and we were cool. In hindsight, it wasn't a good idea for me to ask her to drive that distance anyway for someone she met only on the net. Shortly after that she stopped writing me. I found out later her old boyfriend came back. We started back emailing again that December. Anita told me about a big multi-church singles mingle coming in February in her city. So in February I came to her city for the get-together. At her parent’s house was the first time we saw each other in person. After that, once a month, I would come to her city to see her bearing gifts and spend the night in a hotel. 

 After I came to see her for Easter, we decided to go to another level with our relationship and start talking about marriage. I knew she was the one because God's sovereign hand allowed our relationship to progress the right way. We started talking about theology, which city we would live in, marital covenant, etc. While we were talking, I was getting her ring custom-made and saving what ended up being the most money I had ever saved just at the right time. That Memorial Day weekend I came to see her again and I had it planned to surprise propose to her. So I brought the ring box and a dozen peach colored roses. Our plan was to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. When we stopped in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame parking garage I proposed to her. She said yes and we brought the good news to everyone. 

We set our wedding date for July and I gave my job a two-week notice. I was the first to move to our new apartment in the city where Anita was a week before the wedding. After the wedding and first consummation, two weeks later we went on our honeymoon cruise to the Bahamas. God's hand has been strong in our marriage and after all these years we are still "Walking together towards God".

While the Spouse was Away...

At times, we have traveled away from each other. Sometimes it is for work, other times for a short break or vacation with friends. This past summer, Maurice was gone for a week and then I left for the following weekend. Our trips overlapped so we missed seeing each other for about 10 days! It was the longest that we have ever spent time apart.

Let's be real honest here. In a marriage, you have to have safeguards to prevent sin from creeping in. Being away from your spouse for too long can quickly and easily lead to pornography, adultery, masturbation and other non-sexual sin. 

God's made us all sexual creatures and His plan for us as a married couple is to be together in every way. You have to make a plan in order to prevent opportunities for temptation. We have had the same plan for years and we praise God that we have been able to remain faithful to each other even when we are apart. This is not a suggestion, you need a real plan, like, for real!

Communication

I was posting some pictures of my recent birthday girl's trip on instagram and I asked my audience about how they keep in touch with their spouses while traveling separately. I shared about how we text often and videochat each day. We send pictures and let everyone that may be traveling with us know that we are married and unavailable to "go out" to places where singles mingle. 

On the instagram feed, I got a lot of good responses. Check them out!

Physical Touch

This does not seem like a big deal, but watch touching anyone of the opposite sex. Even a "friendly" tap on the arm or a short hug can get someone really excited about you. Staring too long or even a smile can lead someone on. We are not saying to avoid being kind, but make sure that your motives are pure because many times, other people's motives are not.

Wear your Rings

I guess that this is obvious, but not as popular as it used to be. Although it does not stop any sin at all, it is at least a signal that you are taken. It is also a reminder of your vows to each other. Keeping them on is an easy thing to do. If it helps, why not?

Dress Modestly

The more attention you bring to yourself while away from your spouse, the more likely you are to get it. Please do not mistake me for saying that you should "dumb yourself down". Once again, this is about your heart, motives and intentions. You do not have to be at THAT place at THAT time wearing THAT. You know what I mean. Infidelity starts in the mind and heart. 

We try to be modest all the time, even on vacation. We expose skin for each other, not for pictures!

Speaking of pictures, here are a few from our separate times away....

Maurice's away room

Anita's away room

Common area with pool

Hot tub

Enjoying the views

Still wearing the wedding ring!

A Couple on Mission

Here on the blog we are so passionate about christian couples who minister together. We are on always on mission in our marriages. It is a ministry itself. However, sometimes God will call us to mission elsewhere for His glory.

Today, we want to share our conversation with a missionary couple. Anita met Arrica on Instagram and they both quickly realized that they share a passion for evangelism. We hope that their perspective and conversation on marriage and evangelism will be enlightening and encouraging to you!

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Interview: Arrica Hess

How did you meet your husband and how did you end up in ministry together?

My husband, Matt, and I met in a high school math class in rural Oklahoma. He was a junior and I was a freshman. He drove past my house every day on his way to school and asked if I would like a ride. Since my only other option was a school bus that carried grades K-12 in on those country roads, I accepted. We started a friendship where he gave me rides to school and I helped him with his math homework. God grew our relationship from there. After a year of college, Matt joined the US Marine Corp. He served over four years and while stationed in the Washington D.C. area, started working with military youth and as well as some local youth at a church. He felt the call to help youth and others although not a believer yet. We married in 2004 before he served a tour of duty in Iraq. On his return, our relationship was tumultuous. I soon realized that I needed Jesus to be the wife and woman that could help my husband.

I was saved in October of 2004 and immediately began praying for Matt’s salvation. I prayed for 3 long years and not a moment too soon, God saved Matt after the birth of our first child in 2007. God immediately gave Matt a desire to evangelize the lost.  He attended seminary at Mid-America in Memphis, TN and was hired as a pastor of a local church. God used us through this ministry but we both felt a restless call to be a part of a ministry where we could encounter vast lostness, diversity, and large numbers of people. God showed us the need in Toronto, ON, Canada. Toronto is the most diverse city in the world with almost half of the population having been born in another country, the whole GTA is over 6 million people and out of that number, only 2% are Christian.

How did you hear about American Mission Board and how did you both become involved?

We both grew up in Southern Baptist churches so we had known about the North American Mission Board (NAMB) from an early age. To be honest though, we mostly thought of the relief work and offering they collected every year. Church planting had never really been on our minds. My husband was in Chapel one day in early 2010 at Seminary and Dr. Richard Harris, who was the interim President for NAMB, brought the message. One of his statements that day captured Matt’s heart and would forever change the course of our lives. He said, “Canada is the most lost region in all of North America.” We got out a map and started praying and fasting. A few weeks later, my husband met with his mentor and the pastor of a large church in the area who told Matt that they had been praying about funding a work in Canada. It seemed God had it all planned out for us. We made a visit and connected with NAMB about what was going on in the Greater Toronto Area.

Tell me about your missionary journey? How many churches have you planted?

We moved to the east side of Toronto in July 2012. We planted our first church, Fellowship Pickering, in 2013, our second, Fellowship Rouge Park, in 2015, and our third, Fellowship Oshawa, in 2016. We are currently praying over two other areas where we are training planters and evangelizing the harvest and by God’s grace, will roll them both out in 2020.

Has this missionary work stressed your marriage? Made it stronger?

In the beginning, church planting was stressful on our marriage; we had three young children in a new country with little idea about what the future held. We did a lot of trial and error, tons of praying, and had a heap of work to do on our own personal spiritual growth. Overall, I think God made us a stronger team through this. We had to learn first to rely solely on Him and second on one another. We learned to pray before we did anything, how to share the gospel together, how to work in our individual gift sets and to encourage one another in hard times. 

Our family has adopted John 15:5 as our life verse, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”  We hold each other accountable to the truth that we have to hold fast to God’s word and that anything accomplished through us is the work of the Holy Spirit and not in our own strength.

Where do you see yourself in the future? How is the Lord leading you both now?

Our future is slowly shifting. God has given us a platform to be able to disciple and grow up other church planting couples. I believe He wants us to use our gifts and experiences to help them understand the true call of church planting which is to grow God’s kingdom through Spirit filled believers and discipleship. He has given us opportunities to share our experiences on a wider scale and we would love to continue to do so as long as it honors Him.

May you continue to walk together towards God!

Contact information for Matt and Arrica Hess:

Arrica's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/a_child_shall_lead_them_blog/

Arrica's Blog - https://achildshallleadthemblog.wordpress.com/2019/07/16/hoe-your-own-row/

Watch their story - https://vimeo.com/46330258?fbclid=IwAR3h55eFrX8OCqAWkl7QJ8GEoqgk6_v79bBJSiMzCxEM2Hpfw9F4di5nJjs

Dating on Vacation

Here are FOUR quick ways to date while on vacation. We have always had a date day when we go on our family vacations. I mean...face it, most couples on family vacation could use a day away from the kids right? Our boys know our routine by now. They used to get jealous about our adventures, but our marriage is a priority and they needed to know that.

This year we had a staycation and while our boys had a camp day, we took time for ourselves. It didn't take much to make it happen and some of our social media friends were impressed, so we thought we would share about how to make your next vacation date amazing!

There are four things that we do consistently in dating (whether we are on vacation or not).

1. Make a plan.

2. Keep it simple.

3. Do something you both love.

4. Make it memorable.

Make a Plan

We are definitely planners. Maurice was raised an only child and Anita is a first-born, so planning is a thing for us. It helps to know about what day, time and activity is available in the location where you will be. There is nothing like looking forward to an event that is cancelled or a restaurant that is closed! However, perhaps part of your dating adventure is spontaneity. Just be sure that you both are guaranteed a great time and that all planning is done well in advance!

Keep it Simple

We like to make a list of what we would like to do AND a back-up plan of extra activities that we might do. This is a stress-reliever and a good way to simplify overthinking this whole thing. We have usually picked a few places to eat, where to shop (because one of us like to do that) and a few "must dos". You do not always have to go small either. Our vacation dates are more elaborate because....hello...we are on vacation, so that leads back to planning of course!

Love it

Mutual fun is the best fun. We like to play games, watch movies, enjoy parks, do taste-testings or cook together, take walks, do sports and a host of other things. You will want to discuss this in advance , of course, and keep a running list of options. We also like to try new things together for the first time.

Make it Memorable

Whatever you do, make it memorable. You may want to surprise each other with gifts or take a couple photoshoot for fun. Part of the experience is to get those "first date vibes" back. Do all the things that you would do on a first date. Be the gentleman. Ladies, dress a little nicer and smell great! The possibilities to make your date memorable are limitless. Do some activities that you will be talking about for months later....we did!

Fruitful Marriage

It is summer time and so it makes me think of fruit which is one of my favorite things to have in the summer. Fruit is unique because it must be developed. You can't just eat fruit any time of the year it has to be in season to taste best.

Our lives are like that. Our marriages can even be like that. I want to live a fruitful life.  When our lives are over we went something to show for it. All of the struggle, the hurt, the pain should be developing something in us that we can pass on to others.

Marriage ripens you.

 It gets you ready for other things that you need to handle in life. You grow up and you grow deeper and stronger together. This weekend will be my parent's 44th wedding anniversary. Their union is ripe. Much wisdom can be gleaned from such a long relationship.

Here are three things that their marriage has taught me:

1. It takes time and intention.

2. It takes patience.

3. It takes being connected to God.

Nothing good comes easy, especially a good marriage. Like fruit it changes and grows. It has to mature to be sweet.

Wait for it. So many people easily give up on their relationships. They are tired of trying and tired of praying. Do not get wearly. Wait patiently for the best fruit.

Without God we cannot do anything well! He provides all that is needed to make our marriages fruitful. Plant your relationship in the Word and let the Spirit rain and the Son shine on it. It is not "natural" to have a great marriage, it is supernatural! Let Him do the work. He knows best.

Cancer Survivor

We wanted to share with you the testimony of what the Lord has done for us from August 2017 until now.

Here is everything about our journey with Cancer. Our first blog on this was during this crisis. You can read about how Maurice found out that he had Multiple Myeloma and how we reacted. It was a trying time as the diagnosis was being confirmed through many tests and several painful procedures.

After some chemotherapy treatments through the months following, Maurice decided to have a stem cell bone marrow transplant. That was an extremely stressful ordeal that the Lord guided us through with great peace and tremendous outcomes. It was quite a story so we had to blog about it!

Anita personally journaled her thoughts as a caregiver and was led to encourage other spouses going through hard times in another blogpost.

Finally, Maurice wrote this testimony and shared it on facebook in 2018:

Let me briefly tell you my cancer story and conclusion. During our family vacation I had an overexertion back injury that just wouldn't seem to heal. Two months later with X-rays and a Bone Biopsy I was diagnosed with a deadly and incurable cancer called Multiple Myeloma (standard risk group) August of 2017 at the age of 47. Up until then I had zero pre-existing conditions, zero vices, I had never even been admitted to the hospital. And this was far beyond the typical temptation and invitation of the day.

My wife Anita started a Care Bridge and fundraiser website for me. Which I very very much appreciate the donations (cards and prayers). As an "easy patient" I remained positive through the whole experience and the verse that I clung to was "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess. 5: 16-18 HCSB). What is this disease that just seems to have come out of nowhere! And caused me to initially be bedridden (couldn't walk), some skeletal deformity and a permanent loss of two and a quarter inches of height (vertebral fractures). I wasn't allowed to cry about my situation! Myeloma bone pain was in my chest. So much so that sometimes it would feel like a knife being stabbed into my chest! Because of this I could not cry about my situation (four additional months) or the pain would be too great! Why would the one and only God allow me to not be able to cry about my situation? The only thing I can figure is that God was saying "THIS IS NOT THE END MY SOVEREIGN HAND WILL BE WITH YOU THROUGH THIS!" God showed me that he was with me through every stage of the cancer first reaching remission well before the norm! Like a Finals MVP almost every stage of my cancer experience was above the norm (with excellent insurance)!

The next step in my cancer treatment involved regenerative medicine. I was able to get an Autologous Stem Cell Transplant (or Bone Marrow Transplant) on January 4th 2018! I requested that my pastor be with us and pray over the ceremony. The transplant went well, did my two weeks of hard of time in the hospital and came home (on MLK Day)! Now I'm in a real remission and not just a drug dependent remission. My boys (Delta Force) have been as sweet as pie this whole experience, picking up extra chores with no questions. I think the most important thing I've learned in this whole experience was how to walk with the God on a higher level!

Right now I'm cancer free but Multiple Myeloma (many legions) at this time is incurable. But I believe as of now I'm triple protected from it! First: A transplant has an average of five to twenty years plus success before relapse. Second: I'm on a life-long low dose maintenance chemo drug which by itself could keep me in remission. And third: I have the prayers of the saints! Each one of the three by itself could be a cure. We're tempted to all the time look for a miraculous healing in these situations "But the righteous shall live by faith..." (Hebrews 10:38a HNV)

A couple weeks ago (February 28 2018) I returned back to work (full-time). I hadn't worked since I had been admitted to the hospital in August. Returning back to repairing office equipment that I've been doing for almost eighteen years. It's been good to be back, trying to figure it out and making adjustments!

Thank you Lord for having me ready when the "evil day" came!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God."  (Romans 8:18-19 NKJV)

Maurice

** We are excited to announce that we plan to write a short book for couples who experience strain
in their marriages due to illness. Look for it in 2020!!

JOY-full Disciplemaking

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. Jesus left us His Spirit to empower us to spread the gospel and make disciples. He gives us joy and a mission!

When we set our hearts to be obedient to the Lord, the joy comes. God knows the intent of our hearts, so when our minds are made up to make disciples, we are empowered to do it! Just knowing that we are pleasing God should bring smiles to our faces if we are disciples are Christ. Here are three reasons why!

Ambassadors of Christ Jesus are Joyful.

Those who are sent into this world as a representative of Christ have a high and holy calling. It is not to be taken lightly at all. It is a joy and a privilege to serve the One great King. To be His servant is an honor. The goal of ambassadorship is to reconcile others to the Kingdom of God. God has predestined those who will bring Him glory and follow what He has instructed. We were made for this!

Joy is found in Truth

In 3 John 1:4, John states that he finds no greater joy than to see his children walking in truth. When we make disciples we are sharing in their salvation from sin, their reconciliation to the Father and their new mission to follow after Christ themselves. There is no joy in falsehood, no lasting happiness in lies. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. Knowing Him and drawing others to him is the most joyful of human experiences.

Disciplemaking is Fulfilling

As God's children pour out in ministry to others, the most amazing thing happens. Our joy becomes FULL. This is no partial joyful experience, but an overflow of gratefulness that defies circumstances. it ruins all other levels of joy you have ever known because this joy is unending. 

Obeying the last command of Christ fills believers and adds fullness to an otherwise empty life. It is the mandate, the reason and the epitome of one's goals and hopes. You cannot get better than that.

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If you want to embrace this type of lifestyle, it begins by receiving Jesus Christ as your Saviour. You cannot please the Lord otherwise. Your sin blocks the way and you cannot lead others to a God you do not have a relationship with.

Once you know Jesus for yourself, you must actually follow Him. He instructs his disciples to confess their sins and to be publicly baptized as a sign of their faith. It does not save you, it tells others that you are saved and unashamed of that decision to identify with Christ in His death, burial and resurrection. Then join a body of believers that are passionate to obey Jesus' last command to make disciples. Ask Him to empower you to disciple others and joy will come.

Re-JOYcing and Recycling

Rejoice and again I say, Rejoice! Can I equate it to recycling? Just think about it. When we recycle, we are taking something that has previously been used and using it again (perhaps in a different way). When we think of rejoicing, we may often be concerned that it is redundant. We were joyful already, doesn't that count? It sounds like something a teenager might say; but true rejoicing is never redundant, it is recycled!

This week, I struggled to find joy in my sorrow. With three funerals in two weeks, I found it hard to genuinely smile. I may have been a bit short with others and the happiness tank was low. How do you find joy in sorrow? The answer is in the Word. We do not sorrow like those in the world do who have no hope. ( 1 Thessalonians 4:13, KJV) We look forward to heaven and the glory that awaits us. Being full of hope brings joy. Remember that and recycle it.

The older saints in my church used to say "When I think back over my life and all that the Lord has done for me, my soul cries out 'Hallelujah, Thank God for saving me'. The joy that we experience may not come from present circumstances at all. It could be something that we continually thank the Lord for that happened long ago. Or, we could even be rejoicing about what we are thanking God for in advance! When things are recycled, they are not refuse or garbage any longer. They have value.

Our rejoicing has value to God!!

He wants us to be joyful which is why this is listed among the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 6. He expects us to rejoice always, not because things are going good, but because He is good!

Recycling joy is for our collective good as the Body of Christ. We got new garbage cans this past month from the city. They had a great idea to discard all of our trash in a unified way. They encouraged recycling in an effort to keep the community healthier and maintain green spaces. Like the church as a whole, we must maintain our joy not only for our sakes, but for the sake of others. The joy of the Lord is our strength. If you are stronger, so am I!

The Bible tells us that a cheerful countenance and a merry heart works like medicine. It is healthy to be joyful, but a broken spirit drieth the bones. (Proverbs 17:22, KJV). The church needs to be a strong body of believers.

So get your joy back. Smile. Understand that not recycling joy is wasteful and only builds up clutter. Let's choose to re-JOYce!

Three ways to EnJOY Life

Life is rich. We need to take the time to enjoy it, but what does enjoyment for the christian look like? Yes, I am really asking. When I was not in the Kingdom of God, my enjoyment came from vices and sin. the fun came from not being caught. It was fun to push limits and to join in with the risky activity of our so-called friends right? So first of all, let's be honest. It was enjoyable and made us temporarily happy. However, you may also have heard that happiness and joy are not the same.

The Bible tells us that Jesus came to give us life, and that more abundantly. The joy that we can experience in Christ is found in the gifts that the Holy Spirt imparts when we receive Him. In Galatians 6, we see that joy is in a list of fruit. So like any fruit, it will need to be nurtured and tended to in order to grow the way that it should. There are three key factors to knowing and experiencing true joy.

First, no one can know real joy apart from Christ. Without a real relationship with God, joy will escape you since it is not based on circumstances. For example, Jesus endured the cross....the cross now!...for the JOY that would follow afterwards. I cannot imagine having torture in my future and even thinking about joy at the same time, but Jesus did. How?

Your physical body longs to protect itself and so does your mind. We put up barriers to assure our own safety all the time. It is a good thing. However, walking in the spirit makes us weak and prone to hurt and harm. Jesus actually says to take up your own cross and to follow Him! That is not an easy road. To help an addict, one needs to walk alongside them for a very long time and endure their setbacks and words spoken in anger, but the thrill of recovery far outweighs the battle endured to get there. Jesus does this for us and that is His joy. When we serve others and lead them to Him, that is our joy.

Secondly, ponder the present, not the past. When we live in the past which may hold things like unforgiveness and bad memories, we set ourselves up for disappointment in the future. Those things should propel us, not paralyze us. This is why the bible tells those who follow Christ to encourage each other with thoughts of the future, of heaven and eternal life. When we realize that this life is merely temporal, it changes our perspectives.

All the things that God has allowed in your life up to this point is a set-up for eternal bliss! The Lord had to take you that way. He had to allow those people into your life in that season. That marriage (and then perhaps divorce) was framing your testimony. Think of it like a really good movie. If life were perfect for the characters, the plot would be weak. Without the twists and turns, the tears and the amazing delivery, it would be boring and joy-less. Now, don't get me wrong...God does not allow hardship for His enjoyment. His delight is not in watching us squirm, it is watching Himself step in and be the hero. He loves it when we acknowledge that He was there all along.

Last, but not least, enjoying life happens best when we share it with others. In 3 John 1:4, we see that the author finds joy that his children are walking in truth. We also see the joy of a father who receives his prodigal son. We are told to "count it all joy" when we endure trials and persecutions from others as well. Doing life with others produces joy. It is in tried and true relationships where we find joy most.

Spend some time meditating on making your life joyful this week!

Sacred Holidays - A Right Perspective of Holidays, Rituals and Traditions

Traditions, holidays and celebrations - Oh, how we love them! From landmark birthdays to Christmas, we find reasons to rejoice, sing, laugh and give gifts. God implemented times of feasting and partying in the Old Testament. It was His idea to set apart spaces of time for events such as these.

Holy days were times of remembrance and eating and great fellowship among God's people. They celebrated Passover, Esther's brave saving of the Jewish population and took days of rest. However, I wonder if our parties have changed into tradition and unspoken law that is more harmful to us than helpful these days.

For example, some birthday traditions are extreme where people spend extraordinary amounts of money all in celebration of themselves. In some celebrations, people become so drunk that they cannot even recall the event they attended. Some christians and churches demand tradition and it becomes legalistic instead of celebratory. This should not be.

Recently, I have read the book "Sacred Holidays: Less Chaos, More Jesus" by Becky Kiser. I was pleasantly reminded of how we miss the opportunities to rejoice in celebration as God intends. In the book, Becky explains that it is to be used as a reference for us to examine the reasons why we celebrate and to reframe our holidays in a God-honoring way.

Our traditions and rituals should never compete with the Word of God. It should be enhanced and compliment our walk with Christ.

Do not let your traditions be in vain. Do not make idols from your symbolic remembrances. As Christ followers, we do not push Christ aside or lay down our Holy Hats to have a girls trip. Real fun is knowing and living out righteousness in everywhere we go and in everything we do. We rejoice because of Jesus not in spite of Him!

God is > Our Hearts: How NOT to be emotionally driven

God is greater than our hearts. he should be at the center of all we do if we claim to belong to Him. I learned this the hard way.

When I first started dating, I was consistently led by my emotions. He was cute. I was cute. We would make a cute couple. We could get married, make cute babies, have lots of grandchildren, etc.. My heart would lead me down this whole trail of possibilities without caring about if it was the Lord's will for my life or not. Add hormones and you have a set-up for disaster!

During one relationship prior to marriage, I was so emotionally attached that I lost hours and hours of sleep waiting for this guy to call me. Then I would fall asleep on him because I was afraid that I would miss something he said. Everyday was spent obsessing over our next date, next phone call or text message. I couldn't concentrate. I didn't read my bible daily anymore and if I did, I would cut it short because my mind and my heart belonged to this guy who didn't even end up being "The One". He wanted me in bed in his mom's basement - seriously! I was so clueless, and heartbroken too. Smh...When I met Maurice, I was tempted to go down that same road, but I purposefully prayed throughout that relationship. It also helped that he was a praying man too and was looking for a wife, not a toy!

We may find ourselves wrapped up in something else emotionally too like in a tv show or a book. We may be spending too much of our energy becoming emotionally invested in shopping, activities or parties. When we start wishing that we could stop, we have probably gone too far from our center. Our emotions and desires can be deceptive and cause us to be led away from God's best for us. The enemy knows how to manipulate your desires in a way that is distorted and pulls us apart from the narrow road. So the closer we are to God, the better.

The solution is to stay close to God and to keep Him central to your whole life! We have all had that experience of feeling so close to God after a church service or worship experience, only to have that joy stolen the next day. Do not let the enemy make you feel guilty for needing God regularly. You may need to pray daily, hourly or moment-by-moment. That is why the bible says to "pray without ceasing". (1 Thessalonians 5:17, KJV)  We need to. We ought to.

Keeping God central is not just putting Him first then doing whatever we want. 

It is seeking Him first, next, during and after. If you cannot find a place for God in whatever activity that you find yourself doing, is it really worth it? He demands our whole lives, not just the parts that we are willing to hand over today. That is why God's relationship to us is compare to marriage. (Ephesians 5:25-27, KJV) You surrender your body to your spouse and they do the same. You are no longer two, but one.

It may look like asking God if it is His will for you to stay at your current job, then waiting for a response. Then the Lord may direct you to look around at other opportunities. Then you keep praying for clarification and clear discernment of His will. A certain position may seem great to you, but you do not move until you know for sure that the Lord has opened that door for you. You pray again. You ask for the job in faith, but you are willing to not pursue it if God says the same. Then you apply and get an offer. You pray again before saying yes. You wait in faith and then say yes!

You see the process? Your heart has desires, but it is deceitfully wicked. (Jeremiah 17:9, KJV) Without constant prayer we could be easily led astray, like a dumb sheep. Make God your GPS, not your emotions.

Let's not live our lives in regret. God is greater than our hearts. Do not be emotionally driven. Your heart is safe with Him!

How to Talk to Teens about Sex, Marriage and Relationships

We play a lot of games in our home. With two boys growing quickly into men, we find ourselves working hard to keep the lines of communication open. Games are a great way to do that for us. We have been surprised at how often they will ask the most amazing questions. We have come to realize that games provide a fantastic opportunity to impart wisdom and character into the lives of our children (while we still have the chance). 

There are two brands that we would like to recommend to your family. Harvest Time Partners (Harvesttimepartners.com) and Breakout Games (breakoutgames.com). They both offer various unique and fun games. They encourage group play, conversation and thinking skills that are crucial for young people to develop as they mature into adulthood. 

Video games, online games, board games and ANY game is a great way to spark conversation, but the other way is just as easy and it's FREE!

The second way to talk to your teens about marriage and other things is simply to talk to them!! Sure there are books, videos and games but here are three ways to talk to them - like with just you and nothing else.

1. Share your experiences. One of the best ways that we have reached our sons has been to simply tell the story of our sex journey, marriage, victories and defeats. NOTHING beats a real life example of following God through this part of life. Our kids need to know that we are not perfect. They also need to know that they can live holy despite what the world impresses on them.

2. Pray with them. Yup. Prayer is talking and you can communicate a lot through your prayers in their hearing. Let them hear your concern to God for them and their future. Ask for His forgiveness and let your children hear you quote the Word of God back to God Himself. Family prayer does not have to be long or elaborate. Talk to God about your real worries, fears and hopes. You will be teaching them as you do so. Lord willing, they will do the same with your future grandchildren.

3. Talk about media. While we scroll the internet, listen to radio in the car, watch tv or a movie, we discuss the implications of their behavior or the words to that song. Ask questions during commercials or in between songs like: Why is this a bad idea for someone who says they are a christian? Would you be able to tell that this person follows Jesus if this was their lifestyle? What consequences or rewards do you think that taking this action will have in the future? If you repeat these lyrics out loud would the Bible agree? Why or why not?

We hope this was helpful! What other ideas do YOU have for discussing these topics with your teens? We would love to hear your suggestions in the comments.

How We Cancelled Debt and Built our House in 5 Years

We had college degrees and a heap of debt when we got married. We were living on love in our one-bedroom apartment in the city. We had taken no financial courses or seminars and were trying to live by God's principles. We understood that it was important to save, give, reap and sow. Here is the story of how we went from debt to homeowners.

In July 2001, we were married. Maurice had already rented our apartment and I had started my first nursing job. With one income we survived for almost nine months when Maurice finally landed a great job in his field. Our first lesson was that we were ONE. I didn't plan on being the breadwinner, but my husband had saved enough prior to our wedding so that our financial life would not depend solely on me while he searched for the right opportunity.

KEY POINTS:

* Save lots of money before you get married (for AFTER the wedding and honeymoon). Do not go broke or in major debt for this one-time event. Focus more on the marriage than the wedding festivities!

* Our money was OUR money from the start. One of the first things that we did was to open a joint checking and savings account.

* We agreed not to go over a certain spending limit in our checking. We were free to spend on whatever we wanted within that limit.

* No credit cards. We paid for everything cash or debit card from our bank.

After that first year, we made it a point to live low. We would not purchase a new tv or cable. We did not have fancy cars (at all!). We began to tackle our college debt and pay off the cars we had already purchased. We had to assess our current eating habits too. We decided that one thing that we would do for ourselves was to eat out since we were saving money in other ways. Our second lesson was learning to do life without comparing ourselves to others. We had to strive for MINIMALISM.

KEY POINTS:

* Buy at the thrift stores. We knew how to be abased and we knew how to abound. The higher end stores were off-limits to us for a long while. I also did a lot of sewing. We mended socks and borrowed clothing for special occasions.

* Stretch meals. We often saved our leftovers from restaurants and made them a different way to avoid boredom with food. We also used coupons and discounts when we could. We did not order out much at all.

* We said NO to many things like trips, retreats, church events (it would require extra gas), conferences or anything that was not required. You have to learn to discern between what is good and what is best.

* Keeping all of our dental and doctor appointments helped us to maximize our insurance and stay healthy. Getting sick is one of the fastest ways to lose money!

Those five years flew by and our goal was to have a house by then. I was expecting to purchase a nice used home and to have already started having children. That was not God's plan. We lost our first child. Read about that HERE. We were devastated, but got pregnant again just 3 short months later. It was time to move.

Maurice felt that the Lord was leading us to build a home. I was very surprised. I didn't think we could afford it. We still had college debt, but it was rapidly shrinking on our plan. We began to research, pray about it and look around.

KEY POINTS:

* Do not jump at every financial opportunity. We almost missed our blessing because other home offers were tempting. Patience is key. Only your house is your house.

* Trust each other to hear from the Lord regarding big financial purchases, especially wives. My job was to fast and pray for my husband to not move until the Lord said so and we both had peace.

* Be careful not to compare your money status to those around you. We had friends who had all the things but were drowning in debt all around us. They bought the truck, were taking trips and taking pics at all the fancy restaurants. We had to stay in our focused lane.

Your commitment to your marriage will show up in your money

* Your commitment to your marriage will show up in your money. God was first for us. We gave to our church and to the poor together. We saved our money together. We were honest about purchases together. Without our mutual goal of homeownership, we would have strayed from our commitment.

* We decided not to buy each other gifts for a while. We agreed that our home would be our gift to each other. After all, who can top that?

In a serious of nothing-but-God events, we found the perfect location with the first home on the lot! We were given the option to have our home custom-built in a design that we could choose ourselves (which is rare). Once the decision was made, we actually had the funds to begin work right away.

Foregoing all those other nice things and living a minimalistic lifestyle was finally paying off! NO ONE we knew had EVER built a home from scratch like this. We negotiated our mortgage based on the income that we were making at the time. Knowing that we were trying to squash debt, we decided on payment plan that was a bit of a squeeze. Our ultimate goal was to be homeOWNERS (not homepayers) for the next 30 years.

* Mark out exactly when your mortgage payments will be complete. You need to see it on a calendar. Goals are goals no matter how far away.

* Do not accrue more unnecessary debt. I wanted to go back to school for another degree. We could not afford it, so I prayed about it and got tuition reimbursement from my employer. If the blessing is yours, the Lord will make it known.

*Negotiate. If you do not do your research, you can end up hurting yourself. We talked with several banks until we got the terms that we were at peace with.

The only people that I knew that actually paid off their home were my grandparents who were genius entrepreneurs. However, we couldn't even credit that wisdom to what was happening with us. We saw God guiding every step.

Our first home was built quickly and we got more house for our money than even the builders expected. They literally could not build what we agreed on without making our home more spacious on their dime! Nothing but GOD. Our new home had almost 2k square feet, three bedrooms, a storage room, 2.5 baths, an attached two-car garage, a front and back porch and a basement within 5 years of our marriage. In about 3 years after that we paid off ALL of our college debt.

We know that everyone does not have a story like this. Life happens, but when you seek first the Kingdom of God, all these things will be added unto you. We praise the Lord for our home, but it is just a thing. We wanted to use it for the glory of God and we feel that this is the reason that we were blessed in this way.

Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15

We want to hear your story and answer your questions too! Please leave us a comment and we will respond as soon as possible.

*** Congrats to the couple who won our Valentine's Day giveaway!! It was just in time for their anniversary. Yay!!