Having a Joyful Marriage in Sorrowful Times

All around us we keep hearing about death, fear, money troubles and anxiety about the future. Although things are uncertain, we have been trying to keep the perspective that at least we have each other through it all. How does a married couple know God's joy in the midst of such sadness?

In our marriage vows, we pledge "until death do us part", but we did not consider the toll that deaths around us would take. Life is really heavy right now and people are doing everything they can to keep their sanity. Joy is almost unthinkable for some. Nevertheless, it is possible. You see joy is something, that we learned long ago, is supernatural. We are in the middle of crisis with a worldwide pandemic, constant natural disasters, loss of life and financial unrest, yet, there can be joy in marriage still. The joy that the Lord gives to us can never be taken away.

First, we have to remember that this life is temporary and fleeting. We are strangers, pilgrims, temporary residents on this planet earth. This world is not our home. While we are here, the joy in our marriages is a picture to the world that Christ and His church is alive and well. There is still security, eternal security, in God. What a testament to the saving power of the blood of Jesus that our relationships can thrive despite our surroundings!

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, not something we conjure up by our own efforts. (Galatians 5:22)  To know real joy in marriage is to know that the Holy Spirit is the other person in your relationship. Even on rough days, we can experience love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance with each other. To love and to be loved is a gift from God. Christian marriages should be growing more deeply planted roots in hard times instead of looking for a way out apart from one another. Tragedy should strengthen us, not separate us. The Bible lets us know that two are better than one. When one falls, the other can help! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) The key is leaning on the power of the Holy Spirit each and every day, every hour and every minute.

We all need space and time to process what is happening in the world now. Your spouse may not be able to handle all your emotions, but the Bible calls us to bear one another's burdens. We have to let our marriages be a safe space to confide, share feelings, cry together and express ourselves. Do unto your spouse as you would have them do unto you! (Matthew 7:12) We have times to talk, but we also take personal time away from each other to talk to God. Remember to keep God God and your mate your mate.

We see that even the church grew closer after the darkest time of Jesus' crucifixion. The disciples were perplexed, but found joy in the fact that He would return. We need to do the same today in our marriages. Real joy in marriage is knowing that our relationships serve a purpose that is bigger than us and that Jesus is returning sooner than later for those in His family. Even when someone dies, we do not mourn like the world does. ( 1 Thessalonians 4:13) Every day we try to be purposeful about cultivating a thankful heart. There is still SO much to be grateful for - especially each other.

The two greatest commandments are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Real love endures despite situational changes, emotional mood-swings and whatever happened on today's news. It helps to think more about the other person than yourself. We have been trying to apply this principle in our marriage also. Who else needs food, clothing, shelter, money, prayer or a listening ear? What other couples could use encouragement? What grieving family could use a meal?

When we bless others, we are blessed ourselves. Your marriage can weather this storm because the Greater One lives within you and guides your marriage. He put us together and He can hold us together! We remain joyful in the fact that weeping may endure for the night, but JOY comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)

How we Handled our Quarantined Teens

I think that my boys are enjoying all this time away from civilization. They have happily locked themselves in their rooms for hours at a time. They chat and text with their friends online and they eat like there is no tomorrow.

However, there are moments of sadness. They miss church. They miss "hanging out" with other teenagers. They are growing out of their favorite cool clothes, lol. There are also no girls here (aww shucks)!

So with the good and the bad times, we are taking this time to bond with our teenagers. Thankfully, neither of them has been sick at all. Glory to God! We are trying to maximize this time.

No one knows how much time you really have with your loved ones!

So we have had some very meaningful conversations. Just the other day over dinner, we were discussing what it meant for God and Jesus to be All-Powerful. We actually used scripture to come to the conclusion that Jesus was fully God and man and that He had all power all the time, while on earth and in heaven.

We have had some really fun meal ideas together! We have had dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner. The guys have cooked, baked, fried and whipped. Smoothie experimentation has been a thing at our house too. One of my sons decided that he like them! Win for mom!

We got creative with salads, desserts and drinks too. Meal prep variety is truly endless and has been a really fun way to connect with our teens!

Church has never, ever been so different for our boys. They have been going to church since birth. This is absolutely the longest time that we have ever had away from the church building. We talked about how we as individuals are the church, not brick and mortar. We have tried to have a daily bible reading time. It has been hit or miss, but we tried. We have also implemented some bible study into our homeschool. We have not missed any of our online church services and we are very thankful for that connection.

We are the set apart church set apart. 

After this time is over, hopefully we can resume some other family activities that we enjoy. Having parties and going to events has been a downer for the two extroverts in our house. Our one graduate from middle school to high school has a virtual ceremony instead of a real one, so that was different too.

Some things stayed the same though. We still cried with each other when loved ones were lost. We still embraced each other as much as ever (ok..maybe a little more). We still had to clean and keep up the house so chores and bedtimes were the same.

Life happens, but family is forever. Our teens will certainly remember this time and we are not likely to forget it soon either!

Our Marriage in Quarantine

Hey friends! How are you holding up? Better yet...how is your marriage holding up? During this worldwide pandemic, we are facing an unprecedented challenge as a people. So, obviously, in the face of such surprise, tragedy, death and confusion, there is marriage tension. When we are told not to touch and to be careful not to spread disease, it affects relationships. Even though, we more than likely, live with our spouses, the tension is real even there. I cannot imagine how some of my nursing friends and other essential workers are coping with not living with their spouses at this time for their safety. I don't think I could do it really.

Even those of us who are at home daily with our spouses (and maybe with homeschooling children), there is tension still. We are all forced to grapple with how to do life under these circumstances. Some of us are loving the extra attention from our mate while others are annoyed. The boundaries are new and some are getting broken. Schedules are becoming a thing for some of us who are not used to them. Homeschooling is...well...not what many expected it to be. Then there is the tension of how to do church at home.

Whoever thought that we would become Pastors, Deacons, Ushers, Sunday school teachers and Ministers overnight!

Things are changing from our norms so quickly and we are forced to make the adjustments not only in our home-life but also in our marriage relationships. Bedtimes might be different and how we spend our days is definitely affected.

When your "marriage is quarantined" a big ole' spotlight shines on your relationship and its health. Has it been suffering all this time? Are you not as patient as you thought you were? Is sex great, not so great or not at all! Is anything easier or is everything a hardship? Is your spouse being supportive in your endeavors or are there constant arguments now? Are you living together...yet apart?

In some of our marriages the issue is money. Many people have lost their jobs or find themselves working at home for the first time. Your spouse may not be "the same person" as they are at work and you may be seeing them this way for the first time. Perhaps even our play is different. What we do for entertainment might be annoying to our partner or even sinful, but now we are more aware. Much more aware! We are learning about the ones we love all over again. It's a blessing....in disguise, lol.

Be encouraged. In some way, shape or form we are all feeling pressure in our relationships and we need to know how to handle this change whether it is temporary or not. So here are a few things that we are learning:

First, we need to pray for each other more. Spending more time with your spouse reminds you of how imperfect they are and how much they need Jesus to stay away from sin. That is all of us all day! One thing that we try to implement is to love God more than each other.

Talk to God more than your spouse. 

Put Christ first over your mate. Let Him set the tone for your day, your week, your relationship. That may look like having a set morning devotional time. Our book Anointed Devotions is great for this! (shameless plug) You need to have your mindset ready for the day. Even getting up early to do this, or at night if you are an evening person, is a good idea.

Secondly, prioritize your marriage over parenting. We get it. It is a hard thing to do sometimes with children home 24/7. Instead of waiting for a good time for datenight, make it happen on the cheap. So far, we have taken a "date walk" without the boys, had a special meal together and we kick the boys out of the living room for our own special movie night.

Also remember that some marriage somewhere is having it so much harder than YOU are!

Thirdly, we have to stay grateful for our relationships especially in times like these. You may need to make a list of the good things that your husband or wife does for you (or pull out an old one you made). They are God's blessing to you.

Now if things are hard in your marriage during this time and sin is involved, that is different. You do not need to tolerate abuse or adultery in your marriage. God's word lets us know that. No one should physically, emotionally or verbally EVER abuse anyone in a marriage. There is help if that is you. We highly recommend the ministry - Focus on the Family (focusonthefamily.com). You can get free help now at 1-719-531-3400. 

One of the things that happened to us during this time was that Anita lost her job as a nursing faculty member. Instead of letting it get her down, she prayed. Here is how she felt the Lord spoke concerning this:

"In late March, I was furloughed by my former institution. While in prayer, the Lord told me that now I could serve Him "full-time". I took that to heart and now my efforts go 100% to my marriage ministry, the ministry of parenthood and sharing the gospel daily on social media. It is very rewarding and I have no regrets".

Remember the marriage is ministry whether in quaratine or not. Some ongoing issues have simply been magnified during this crisis, kind of like how caronavirus has been around but we didn't know of its deadly nature until the symptoms appeared. Other things are a result of the stresses that have recently been placed on us all.

We know that marriage relationships are precious to God and that it is His will for us to represent Him in our marriages now more than ever!

Our friends, neighbors, children and the world need to see healthy marriages in spite of whatever tricks the enemy has for their destruction. We can either grow closer together through this time or drift apart. It will take prayer and intention to keep us strong.

We will be praying for your marriage. Please pray for us as well.

Marriage Routines??

You may be thinking to yourself "What on earth is a marriage routine?", and "What should be so routine about marriage anyway?". We are so glad that you asked.

One of the things that people so often complain about is that their marriage is routine and boring. Day in and day out is so redundant and similar to the day before.

However, we want you to explore the idea that things that become a habit seemed to last a bit longer. There are some things in your marriage that if put to practice on a regular basis can actually transform your relationship and give it more of longevity.

Have you ever noticed that older couples who have been together a long time often die very close to one another? They are so accustom to a daily routine together that life just does not seem possible to manage without their spouse.  We are not suggesting that you cannot live without your spouse or that life is bleak without another person, but having a marriage routine can often compliment your life and make your marriage, surprisingly, more exciting.

Just looking forward to something with your spouse can be a game changer. Here are some daily examples:

Planning a date or meal together regularly.

Not leaving home without a hug or kiss.

Watching a tv show together.


Here are some weekly examples:

Going shopping

Fasting together for spiritual health

Preparing for an annual vacation together

Going to church as a family weekly


Here are some monthly examples:

Planning large puchases (car, boat, degree)

Attending and celebrating family birthdays and holidays

Volunteering or doing ministry together

Another way to add routine to your marriage is by doing something for your spouse on a regular basis. One of you may be the one who makes the bed every day or one of you may be the one who washes your spouse's car on a regular basis. One spouse may normally cut hair for the other or do all the ironing for their spouse.

In order for this type of routine to add to the marriage longevity, one has to think of it as a service. You serve because you love.

Routines can also change. Perhaps you need to spice up your marriage by changing or adding a new routine. Here are a few ideas:

Attend a marriage conference together yearly

Have a regular couple's night with others

Get monthly massages together

Pick up a sport or hobby together regularly

Write a note, card or love letter to your spouse on a regular basis (or as a surprise)

These are just a few ideas you two can routinely do together. There are also many more that you can explore. Plan out a calendar of things just for you and your spouse to enjoy together routinely and you will notice a difference in your marriage.

How to Stay Married for a DECADE

Ten years with one person is a long time these days. Statistics show that over fifty percent of U.S. marriages are lasting no more than seven years. That itch for divorce is real!

When we reached ten years, we celebrated with a very romantic trip to a secluded, privately owned cabin in Hocking Hills, Ohio. It was just the two of us. How did we get to that point? Well, let us share our How To's. This is by no means an all-inclusive list, but we think that there are some things that we will share, that other couples do not make a priority. So here goes...

1. Put God first. We have said it before and we will say it again. God authored marriage and He holds it together. You MUST pray regularly for yourself and your spouse daily.

2. Be kind. Politeness goes a long way in a marriage. Treat your spouse like you would a stranger and it makes a huge difference.

3. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Always assume that your spouse has your best interest at heart and never intend to hurt you purposefully. This is something that we discovered many years into our marriage. It's a game-changer!

4. Communicate not just daily, but throughout the day. We text, call, write and send messages to each other religiously. Even a simple "I love you" or "How are you doing" at any time means that you are being thought of and we ALL want that!

5. Spend time with other couples. Our church has a great group of couples that meets monthly. It is very refreshing to know that you are not in this alone. Make group dates a priority.

6. Ask them what they want from you. Do not assume in sex or otherwise that you know just what your spouse needs. It is best to ask and to listen to the answer, then do, buy or say what they prefer.

7. Let your spouse know your limits. You really have to let your spouse know what you can and cannot tolerate from them. In our relationship, being flirty is a no-no. Define your own boundaries and do not cross them!

8. Celebrate your anniversary. This is really important. You always need to remember your why. Why did we marry? Look at the picture and videos. Do something special on that day every year. Never forget.

9. Join the same church. We cannot understate this! We know couples that have lasted more than ten years and they attend different congregations, but we do not recommend this. You need to be on the same page as far as your belief systems.

10. Have sex. Plan it if you have to, but make it happen regularly. Never have your spouse question whether or not you are still interested in them physically. It hurts deeply. Be the chaser and the chased who gets caught. Do your research on your issues and work it out. (pun intended)

Hopefully, these ten tips will help you on your way to having a long successful marriage til death do you part. That really is the ultimate goal. Never forget that. "...With God all things are possible." (Mark 10:23-27

A Call To Love

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16, KJV).

A love that is patient, a love that is kind, a love that holds no record of wrong, a love that makes the impossible, possible; that love entered the world over 2000 years ago. As we prepare our hearts and minds to celebrate Christmas, we reflect on the magnitude of how we see God's love in his grace and mercy.  Looking to John 3:16, we rest our focus on the word love, a love reflected as a selfless sacrifice.

God's love led him to come to earth and to die on the cross, knowing that some may never even choose to love him back. The love displayed through Jesus Christ is not meant to be only be looked at but to strive for. Each day we are on this earth is an opportunity to be more like Jesus.

As we celebrate Christ in this season, we ought not to lose focus of our commitment to love. God has called us to love, and God's love learns to love in and through all things. We are called to love our spouses, our children, and even those that do not love us back. Christ-like love is not just a word, it is an action. It is a person. Love is Jesus.

Decade of Thankfulness

This has been 10 years of gratitude with my husband and we are so thankful for where God has brought us from.

In 2009 we had a different car and our boys were not yet teenagers. In 2009 we had been married for 8 years and there was still so much growing to do. We knew before we were matried that God called us to serve Him together.

In these past 10 years, we have walked closer together towards God in ministry. Here is our walk through memory lane:

***********************

We began our online Bible study for couples in 2009 on Facebook. We would continue it for four and a half fruitful years.

Then, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in 2011. In that year we finished 3 years of homeschooling and sent the boys to public school for the first time.

In 2012, we were speakers at a marriage conference and led a workshop together. God had begun opening doors for speaking engagements.

The Titus Ten book was birthed in 2013 and made the bestsellers list! Wifestyle Image Network also began that year with our first website. Over 30 women in 3 countries joined.

W.I.N. began traveling to speak in 2014. We also lost about 4 family patriarchs over the next 4 years.

In 2015, we began teaching together at a local church for VBS. It was fantastic to minister together! We taught a class of almost twenty kids as a couple.

We were a part of the launch team for the 7 Rings of Marriage book and helped promote their online marriage summit in 2016. In the same year, we started a christian couples community on google but it ended quickly. W.I.N. hosted The Purity Panel on youtube which was also shared that year with over 100 participants! There were about 5-6 ministry events/opportunities that year for W.I.N.

However, the highlight of 2016 was when BOTH of our sons publicly confessed their faith through baptism! *tears*

In 2017, the book Anointed Devotions was released along with the daily devotions on periscope for W.I.N. I had over 7 speaking and/or ministry events including radio and out of town engagements.

From 2017- 2018, our world was rocked by cancer but we overcame by the blood of the Lamb. Maurice received chemotherapy for Multiple Myeloma and we prayed through the holidays.

We jumped right back into serving after Maurice received a transplant in January of 2018. We led a couples small group at church, had radio interviews and led a workshop. I ministered at about five ladies events for the rest of that year.

This year (2019) was phenomenal!! More books were sold than ever. We also led a teen ministry at our church. People were saved and healed from illness. Marriages were strengthened. Anita traveled to 6 states for women's events with W.I.N. Maurice has NO signs of cancer whatsoever!

We are excited to see what the next decade holds. Our prayer is that we will keep walking together towards God!