Our Marriage in Quarantine

Hey friends! How are you holding up? Better yet...how is your marriage holding up? During this worldwide pandemic, we are facing an unprecedented challenge as a people. So, obviously, in the face of such surprise, tragedy, death and confusion, there is marriage tension. When we are told not to touch and to be careful not to spread disease, it affects relationships. Even though, we more than likely, live with our spouses, the tension is real even there. I cannot imagine how some of my nursing friends and other essential workers are coping with not living with their spouses at this time for their safety. I don't think I could do it really.

Even those of us who are at home daily with our spouses (and maybe with homeschooling children), there is tension still. We are all forced to grapple with how to do life under these circumstances. Some of us are loving the extra attention from our mate while others are annoyed. The boundaries are new and some are getting broken. Schedules are becoming a thing for some of us who are not used to them. Homeschooling is...well...not what many expected it to be. Then there is the tension of how to do church at home.

Whoever thought that we would become Pastors, Deacons, Ushers, Sunday school teachers and Ministers overnight!

Things are changing from our norms so quickly and we are forced to make the adjustments not only in our home-life but also in our marriage relationships. Bedtimes might be different and how we spend our days is definitely affected.

When your "marriage is quarantined" a big ole' spotlight shines on your relationship and its health. Has it been suffering all this time? Are you not as patient as you thought you were? Is sex great, not so great or not at all! Is anything easier or is everything a hardship? Is your spouse being supportive in your endeavors or are there constant arguments now? Are you living together...yet apart?

In some of our marriages the issue is money. Many people have lost their jobs or find themselves working at home for the first time. Your spouse may not be "the same person" as they are at work and you may be seeing them this way for the first time. Perhaps even our play is different. What we do for entertainment might be annoying to our partner or even sinful, but now we are more aware. Much more aware! We are learning about the ones we love all over again. It's a blessing....in disguise, lol.

Be encouraged. In some way, shape or form we are all feeling pressure in our relationships and we need to know how to handle this change whether it is temporary or not. So here are a few things that we are learning:

First, we need to pray for each other more. Spending more time with your spouse reminds you of how imperfect they are and how much they need Jesus to stay away from sin. That is all of us all day! One thing that we try to implement is to love God more than each other.

Talk to God more than your spouse. 

Put Christ first over your mate. Let Him set the tone for your day, your week, your relationship. That may look like having a set morning devotional time. Our book Anointed Devotions is great for this! (shameless plug) You need to have your mindset ready for the day. Even getting up early to do this, or at night if you are an evening person, is a good idea.

Secondly, prioritize your marriage over parenting. We get it. It is a hard thing to do sometimes with children home 24/7. Instead of waiting for a good time for datenight, make it happen on the cheap. So far, we have taken a "date walk" without the boys, had a special meal together and we kick the boys out of the living room for our own special movie night.

Also remember that some marriage somewhere is having it so much harder than YOU are!

Thirdly, we have to stay grateful for our relationships especially in times like these. You may need to make a list of the good things that your husband or wife does for you (or pull out an old one you made). They are God's blessing to you.

Now if things are hard in your marriage during this time and sin is involved, that is different. You do not need to tolerate abuse or adultery in your marriage. God's word lets us know that. No one should physically, emotionally or verbally EVER abuse anyone in a marriage. There is help if that is you. We highly recommend the ministry - Focus on the Family (focusonthefamily.com). You can get free help now at 1-719-531-3400. 

One of the things that happened to us during this time was that Anita lost her job as a nursing faculty member. Instead of letting it get her down, she prayed. Here is how she felt the Lord spoke concerning this:

"In late March, I was furloughed by my former institution. While in prayer, the Lord told me that now I could serve Him "full-time". I took that to heart and now my efforts go 100% to my marriage ministry, the ministry of parenthood and sharing the gospel daily on social media. It is very rewarding and I have no regrets".

Remember the marriage is ministry whether in quaratine or not. Some ongoing issues have simply been magnified during this crisis, kind of like how caronavirus has been around but we didn't know of its deadly nature until the symptoms appeared. Other things are a result of the stresses that have recently been placed on us all.

We know that marriage relationships are precious to God and that it is His will for us to represent Him in our marriages now more than ever!

Our friends, neighbors, children and the world need to see healthy marriages in spite of whatever tricks the enemy has for their destruction. We can either grow closer together through this time or drift apart. It will take prayer and intention to keep us strong.

We will be praying for your marriage. Please pray for us as well.