Our Marriage in Quarantine

Hey friends! How are you holding up? Better yet...how is your marriage holding up? During this worldwide pandemic, we are facing an unprecedented challenge as a people. So, obviously, in the face of such surprise, tragedy, death and confusion, there is marriage tension. When we are told not to touch and to be careful not to spread disease, it affects relationships. Even though, we more than likely, live with our spouses, the tension is real even there. I cannot imagine how some of my nursing friends and other essential workers are coping with not living with their spouses at this time for their safety. I don't think I could do it really.

Even those of us who are at home daily with our spouses (and maybe with homeschooling children), there is tension still. We are all forced to grapple with how to do life under these circumstances. Some of us are loving the extra attention from our mate while others are annoyed. The boundaries are new and some are getting broken. Schedules are becoming a thing for some of us who are not used to them. Homeschooling is...well...not what many expected it to be. Then there is the tension of how to do church at home.

Whoever thought that we would become Pastors, Deacons, Ushers, Sunday school teachers and Ministers overnight!

Things are changing from our norms so quickly and we are forced to make the adjustments not only in our home-life but also in our marriage relationships. Bedtimes might be different and how we spend our days is definitely affected.

When your "marriage is quarantined" a big ole' spotlight shines on your relationship and its health. Has it been suffering all this time? Are you not as patient as you thought you were? Is sex great, not so great or not at all! Is anything easier or is everything a hardship? Is your spouse being supportive in your endeavors or are there constant arguments now? Are you living together...yet apart?

In some of our marriages the issue is money. Many people have lost their jobs or find themselves working at home for the first time. Your spouse may not be "the same person" as they are at work and you may be seeing them this way for the first time. Perhaps even our play is different. What we do for entertainment might be annoying to our partner or even sinful, but now we are more aware. Much more aware! We are learning about the ones we love all over again. It's a blessing....in disguise, lol.

Be encouraged. In some way, shape or form we are all feeling pressure in our relationships and we need to know how to handle this change whether it is temporary or not. So here are a few things that we are learning:

First, we need to pray for each other more. Spending more time with your spouse reminds you of how imperfect they are and how much they need Jesus to stay away from sin. That is all of us all day! One thing that we try to implement is to love God more than each other.

Talk to God more than your spouse. 

Put Christ first over your mate. Let Him set the tone for your day, your week, your relationship. That may look like having a set morning devotional time. Our book Anointed Devotions is great for this! (shameless plug) You need to have your mindset ready for the day. Even getting up early to do this, or at night if you are an evening person, is a good idea.

Secondly, prioritize your marriage over parenting. We get it. It is a hard thing to do sometimes with children home 24/7. Instead of waiting for a good time for datenight, make it happen on the cheap. So far, we have taken a "date walk" without the boys, had a special meal together and we kick the boys out of the living room for our own special movie night.

Also remember that some marriage somewhere is having it so much harder than YOU are!

Thirdly, we have to stay grateful for our relationships especially in times like these. You may need to make a list of the good things that your husband or wife does for you (or pull out an old one you made). They are God's blessing to you.

Now if things are hard in your marriage during this time and sin is involved, that is different. You do not need to tolerate abuse or adultery in your marriage. God's word lets us know that. No one should physically, emotionally or verbally EVER abuse anyone in a marriage. There is help if that is you. We highly recommend the ministry - Focus on the Family (focusonthefamily.com). You can get free help now at 1-719-531-3400. 

One of the things that happened to us during this time was that Anita lost her job as a nursing faculty member. Instead of letting it get her down, she prayed. Here is how she felt the Lord spoke concerning this:

"In late March, I was furloughed by my former institution. While in prayer, the Lord told me that now I could serve Him "full-time". I took that to heart and now my efforts go 100% to my marriage ministry, the ministry of parenthood and sharing the gospel daily on social media. It is very rewarding and I have no regrets".

Remember the marriage is ministry whether in quaratine or not. Some ongoing issues have simply been magnified during this crisis, kind of like how caronavirus has been around but we didn't know of its deadly nature until the symptoms appeared. Other things are a result of the stresses that have recently been placed on us all.

We know that marriage relationships are precious to God and that it is His will for us to represent Him in our marriages now more than ever!

Our friends, neighbors, children and the world need to see healthy marriages in spite of whatever tricks the enemy has for their destruction. We can either grow closer together through this time or drift apart. It will take prayer and intention to keep us strong.

We will be praying for your marriage. Please pray for us as well.

Marriage Routines??

You may be thinking to yourself "What on earth is a marriage routine?", and "What should be so routine about marriage anyway?". We are so glad that you asked.

One of the things that people so often complain about is that their marriage is routine and boring. Day in and day out is so redundant and similar to the day before.

However, we want you to explore the idea that things that become a habit seemed to last a bit longer. There are some things in your marriage that if put to practice on a regular basis can actually transform your relationship and give it more of longevity.

Have you ever noticed that older couples who have been together a long time often die very close to one another? They are so accustom to a daily routine together that life just does not seem possible to manage without their spouse.  We are not suggesting that you cannot live without your spouse or that life is bleak without another person, but having a marriage routine can often compliment your life and make your marriage, surprisingly, more exciting.

Just looking forward to something with your spouse can be a game changer. Here are some daily examples:

Planning a date or meal together regularly.

Not leaving home without a hug or kiss.

Watching a tv show together.


Here are some weekly examples:

Going shopping

Fasting together for spiritual health

Preparing for an annual vacation together

Going to church as a family weekly


Here are some monthly examples:

Planning large puchases (car, boat, degree)

Attending and celebrating family birthdays and holidays

Volunteering or doing ministry together

Another way to add routine to your marriage is by doing something for your spouse on a regular basis. One of you may be the one who makes the bed every day or one of you may be the one who washes your spouse's car on a regular basis. One spouse may normally cut hair for the other or do all the ironing for their spouse.

In order for this type of routine to add to the marriage longevity, one has to think of it as a service. You serve because you love.

Routines can also change. Perhaps you need to spice up your marriage by changing or adding a new routine. Here are a few ideas:

Attend a marriage conference together yearly

Have a regular couple's night with others

Get monthly massages together

Pick up a sport or hobby together regularly

Write a note, card or love letter to your spouse on a regular basis (or as a surprise)

These are just a few ideas you two can routinely do together. There are also many more that you can explore. Plan out a calendar of things just for you and your spouse to enjoy together routinely and you will notice a difference in your marriage.

How to Stay Married for a DECADE

Ten years with one person is a long time these days. Statistics show that over fifty percent of U.S. marriages are lasting no more than seven years. That itch for divorce is real!

When we reached ten years, we celebrated with a very romantic trip to a secluded, privately owned cabin in Hocking Hills, Ohio. It was just the two of us. How did we get to that point? Well, let us share our How To's. This is by no means an all-inclusive list, but we think that there are some things that we will share, that other couples do not make a priority. So here goes...

1. Put God first. We have said it before and we will say it again. God authored marriage and He holds it together. You MUST pray regularly for yourself and your spouse daily.

2. Be kind. Politeness goes a long way in a marriage. Treat your spouse like you would a stranger and it makes a huge difference.

3. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Always assume that your spouse has your best interest at heart and never intend to hurt you purposefully. This is something that we discovered many years into our marriage. It's a game-changer!

4. Communicate not just daily, but throughout the day. We text, call, write and send messages to each other religiously. Even a simple "I love you" or "How are you doing" at any time means that you are being thought of and we ALL want that!

5. Spend time with other couples. Our church has a great group of couples that meets monthly. It is very refreshing to know that you are not in this alone. Make group dates a priority.

6. Ask them what they want from you. Do not assume in sex or otherwise that you know just what your spouse needs. It is best to ask and to listen to the answer, then do, buy or say what they prefer.

7. Let your spouse know your limits. You really have to let your spouse know what you can and cannot tolerate from them. In our relationship, being flirty is a no-no. Define your own boundaries and do not cross them!

8. Celebrate your anniversary. This is really important. You always need to remember your why. Why did we marry? Look at the picture and videos. Do something special on that day every year. Never forget.

9. Join the same church. We cannot understate this! We know couples that have lasted more than ten years and they attend different congregations, but we do not recommend this. You need to be on the same page as far as your belief systems.

10. Have sex. Plan it if you have to, but make it happen regularly. Never have your spouse question whether or not you are still interested in them physically. It hurts deeply. Be the chaser and the chased who gets caught. Do your research on your issues and work it out. (pun intended)

Hopefully, these ten tips will help you on your way to having a long successful marriage til death do you part. That really is the ultimate goal. Never forget that. "...With God all things are possible." (Mark 10:23-27

A Call To Love

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16, KJV).

A love that is patient, a love that is kind, a love that holds no record of wrong, a love that makes the impossible, possible; that love entered the world over 2000 years ago. As we prepare our hearts and minds to celebrate Christmas, we reflect on the magnitude of how we see God's love in his grace and mercy.  Looking to John 3:16, we rest our focus on the word love, a love reflected as a selfless sacrifice.

God's love led him to come to earth and to die on the cross, knowing that some may never even choose to love him back. The love displayed through Jesus Christ is not meant to be only be looked at but to strive for. Each day we are on this earth is an opportunity to be more like Jesus.

As we celebrate Christ in this season, we ought not to lose focus of our commitment to love. God has called us to love, and God's love learns to love in and through all things. We are called to love our spouses, our children, and even those that do not love us back. Christ-like love is not just a word, it is an action. It is a person. Love is Jesus.

Decade of Thankfulness

This has been 10 years of gratitude with my husband and we are so thankful for where God has brought us from.

In 2009 we had a different car and our boys were not yet teenagers. In 2009 we had been married for 8 years and there was still so much growing to do. We knew before we were matried that God called us to serve Him together.

In these past 10 years, we have walked closer together towards God in ministry. Here is our walk through memory lane:

***********************

We began our online Bible study for couples in 2009 on Facebook. We would continue it for four and a half fruitful years.

Then, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in 2011. In that year we finished 3 years of homeschooling and sent the boys to public school for the first time.

In 2012, we were speakers at a marriage conference and led a workshop together. God had begun opening doors for speaking engagements.

The Titus Ten book was birthed in 2013 and made the bestsellers list! Wifestyle Image Network also began that year with our first website. Over 30 women in 3 countries joined.

W.I.N. began traveling to speak in 2014. We also lost about 4 family patriarchs over the next 4 years.

In 2015, we began teaching together at a local church for VBS. It was fantastic to minister together! We taught a class of almost twenty kids as a couple.

We were a part of the launch team for the 7 Rings of Marriage book and helped promote their online marriage summit in 2016. In the same year, we started a christian couples community on google but it ended quickly. W.I.N. hosted The Purity Panel on youtube which was also shared that year with over 100 participants! There were about 5-6 ministry events/opportunities that year for W.I.N.

However, the highlight of 2016 was when BOTH of our sons publicly confessed their faith through baptism! *tears*

In 2017, the book Anointed Devotions was released along with the daily devotions on periscope for W.I.N. I had over 7 speaking and/or ministry events including radio and out of town engagements.

From 2017- 2018, our world was rocked by cancer but we overcame by the blood of the Lamb. Maurice received chemotherapy for Multiple Myeloma and we prayed through the holidays.

We jumped right back into serving after Maurice received a transplant in January of 2018. We led a couples small group at church, had radio interviews and led a workshop. I ministered at about five ladies events for the rest of that year.

This year (2019) was phenomenal!! More books were sold than ever. We also led a teen ministry at our church. People were saved and healed from illness. Marriages were strengthened. Anita traveled to 6 states for women's events with W.I.N. Maurice has NO signs of cancer whatsoever!

We are excited to see what the next decade holds. Our prayer is that we will keep walking together towards God!

Marriage of the Sexes

God has created each and every one of us
with a specific gender. We are created with the specific gender for a specific purpose. When we enter marriage, gender is of paramount importance.

A woman looking, acting and being female is God's design. A man who looks, acts and embraces masculinity is also God's design.
We are designed in a different way  physically for God's purposes and for our pleasure. Being male is for men and being female is for women. Embracing our separate roles can help our marriages to thrive.

 Have you ever notice that the more feminine a woman is the more attractive to a real man she becomes? The same goes for men. When they are truly masculine women are attracted to them.  God made us to be magnets for one another; magnets that are hard to very separate from one another.

 In marriage, we reach one of the major goals for why we were created. It says in the book of Genesis that one of our goals is to reproduce and to multiply (Genesis 1:27,28, KJV). This refers to more than just physical procreation, but also to spiritual growth. Physically we manifest what we should also be doing spiritually.

 When a person is born again they become a new creature. We start in a baby phase if you will, and we have to grow up into maturity and reproducing other disciples. In the same way our physical bodies grow from infancy to adulthood into a state where we can reproduce and have children.

 Reproduction can only take place with a male and a female.  An egg and a sperm must unite in order for reproduction to take place as God designed it. An egg and a sperm have to be united in order for this to happen. It is natural.

 The supernatural happens when we fully embrace the gender that God has assigned us and we use it for His glory alone. In marriage, God only calls us to be exactly what He created us to be - either male or female. In this way we become a mirror of Christ and His Church to the world.

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church."
Ephesians 5:31‭-‬32 KJV

When we attempt to change our sex or to manipulate our gender identity, we rock the foundation of who we are and we minimize our potential in the Earth.

 Since marriage in The Bible is defined by one man and one woman in loving relationship which leads to procreation and recreation, we directly oppose God's design when we do anything otherwise.

Fully enjoy marriage. Fully enjoy sex. Fully be who God intended you to be!

💙 The Beautiful Providence of God

 I started on the internet back in 1998 using free AOL dial up monthly passes and also using my Juno email account. In June of 2000 I posted an ad on Excite.com a singles classified website. Anita answered my "want ad". I thought "Okay she seems nice". So once or twice a month, we wrote each other emails. I wrote from Indiana to her in Ohio.

                              

                     Not the actual ad

 That September I was going for training in Ohio for my new job. So I figured “Hey, maybe we can meet there”. It would be about half way for both of us. Long story short, she didn't meet me there, didn't call and I was very upset driving back to Indiana. A little bit after I got home she called me and we were cool. In hindsight, it wasn't a good idea for me to ask her to drive that distance anyway for someone she met only on the net. Shortly after that she stopped writing me. I found out later her old boyfriend came back. We started back emailing again that December. Anita told me about a big multi-church singles mingle coming in February in her city. So in February I came to her city for the get-together. At her parent’s house was the first time we saw each other in person. After that, once a month, I would come to her city to see her bearing gifts and spend the night in a hotel. 

 After I came to see her for Easter, we decided to go to another level with our relationship and start talking about marriage. I knew she was the one because God's sovereign hand allowed our relationship to progress the right way. We started talking about theology, which city we would live in, marital covenant, etc. While we were talking, I was getting her ring custom-made and saving what ended up being the most money I had ever saved just at the right time. That Memorial Day weekend I came to see her again and I had it planned to surprise propose to her. So I brought the ring box and a dozen peach colored roses. Our plan was to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. When we stopped in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame parking garage I proposed to her. She said yes and we brought the good news to everyone. 

We set our wedding date for July and I gave my job a two-week notice. I was the first to move to our new apartment in the city where Anita was a week before the wedding. After the wedding and first consummation, two weeks later we went on our honeymoon cruise to the Bahamas. God's hand has been strong in our marriage and after all these years we are still "Walking together towards God".