We are NOT Falling in Love

Love is a choice. You do not fall into it. It is a verb because love requires action. Those actions are big and small - from giving roses to saying "I do". 

The word LOVE is used so casually that it has begun to lose its significance. Love is not sex. Unfortunately, people love their spouses in the same way they love their sports teams. There needs to be a difference. What is that difference?

 Jesus makes the difference in how we love. Greater love has no man than this: That a man lay down his life for a friend. Your spouse is your friend and one that you give up your entire single life for. That is why marriage vows are until death. 

Christ gave up his life for His Church as an example to us. It is no longer about "me" but about "we". Love is something that we both DO for each other and it requires sacrifice and commitment. Let's strive to keep our spouse's love tanks full by doing the same things that won them in the first place. Then let's add to that!

And giving roses doesn't hurt either :)

Raising a Man as a Couple!

Wishing a Happy Birthday to our now 18 year-old son!

 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

The Marriage Mastermind

The term mastermind is the popular phrase now to get information and direct access from an industry expert in record time. They are bursts of quality expertise in a crash course to propel you to success in whatever field you are investing in.

The question we propose is - What would a Marriage Mastermind look like?

The best of the best would offer their strategic and time-tested remedies for every imaginable marriage dilemma. Perhaps there would be an offer to improve your marriage within a certain timeframe guaranteed or you and your spouse's money back. This mastermind might include a book, course or several sessions aimed at the most common painpoints that most couples experience.

This actually sounds great, but maybe a tad unrealistic. Marriage is not a "one size fits all" relationship project. It is complex, dynamic and involves much more work than a mere marriage mastermind solution.

Ironically however, there is a mastermind behind the idea of marriage. Its author is God Himself. It is stated in the Bible that "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder". The idea of "one flesh" in marriage is referring to both body and soul. Only God can do that. He is the inventor of marriage.

If He cannot fix your marriage, no one can.

Knowing God's mind on the topic of marriage would change everything about how we approach this relationship, right? It is as if, you invested in a brand new technology and just tried to figure it out on your own without ever reading the instructions. You may have some workable solutions to navigate its use and functions, but there would still be so much untapped potential and underused value.

Fortunately for us there is a guidebook for marriage and its inventor is readily available to assist us in understanding the value and great potential in our relationships. That guidebook is the Bible and the inventor is God.

He is The Mastermind and when we have the mind of Christ, we can know His great intentions and design for the institution of marriage. Not only that, but He gives us the Holy Spirit (who never leaves us), to ensure that our lives are aligned with His perfect will. You can't ask for more than a personal technician on call 24/7!

We don't know all the answers to marriage problems or claim to have all solutions, but we do know the One who does. Make Him your consultant and let the Master guide you.

Marriage Fears

Fear of marriage is beginning to be a real thing. Some people are scared to say "I do", others are experiencing other real fears in their marriage.

Here are the top three reasons why there is fear to marry, as well as three scriptures to dispel fear.

1. Many say "There is no need to be married to express love to a significant other". I have heard people who use this argument say that marriage is just a peice of paper. However, love is an action word. We need to display our love to another by what we do. Commitment of a man to a woman is how God has encouraged us through His word to do that.

2. Not knowing how to be married or never seeing a successful marriage is another reason for fear. Why try if majority of marriages fail or end in divorce? We should try because the Word of God already lets us know that marriage is a blessing for many reasons including emotionally, physically and financially just to name a few.

3. Being married previously to "the wrong person" can be a discouragement. Someone may believe that marriage cannot work, or that it cannot work for them. Although it is true that many marriages fail or end in divorce, that it not a good reason to not take the risk. 

What God joins together can stay together if we include Him.

First, marriage is not a commandment. You do not need to marry to please God. Most people marry because they actually want to be. They want a life partner, to have children and to be loved. None of those are bad reasons to commit your life to someone else. The fact is, that the bigger issue is the fear behind your decision. Let's look at some scripture to help us.

1. Perfect love casts out fear. Fear is tormenting. (1 John 4:18) The spirit of fear is an unrelentless torturer of the mind and will paralyze you into never wanting to get married. It must be cast out and replaced with God's unrelenting love.

2. God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) Understand that all things are from God or from the enemy. Fear is from the enemy only. If you have it, you need to recognize

3. Have not I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, the the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9) Marriage takes courage and strength. It is not for the faint of heart and you need God to have a healthy marriage.

Now let's address some different marriage fears:

Fear of your spouse - The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear. The Lord is the strength of my Life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1) The Lord says that we shoud fear no one but God. If you are afraid of your mate, that is not of God. Decide to allow the Lord to control your mind and ask Him to help you to surrender all fear to Him. 

Fear of divorce - Therefore they are no more twain but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6) Sometimes separations and divorce happen and it is never God's ideal plan. He brought woman to man to be a helpmeet and it was good. Not being together would be bad. To be anxious about divorce is to be anxious about something that has not happened. It is worry and God commands us not to worry about tomorrow. Exercise your faith by applying this scripture to your heart. What God puts together, He can hold together.

Fear has torment. It is a battle of the mind to keep you in captivity. Ask God to relieve all fear and to relinquish its power of you. It is False Evidence Appearing Real. Be filled with Faith instead in Jesus name!

Eating & Fasting Together!

 To our faithful readers, you already know that Anita had to take the lead on writing this. So here it is.

EATING

If you are like Maurice and I, that means that you are a bonafide "foodie". We love most foods. What is a foodie? A foodie is someone who loves food more than anything else in the world. A foodie is someone who can tell the difference between a brie and a camembert, a pinot noir and a merlot, a sushi and a sashimi, white tea versus red. A foodie is someone who travels the world in search of new flavors, new cuisines, new experiences. A foodie is typically someone who lives to eat, not eats to live. But we don't go that far, lol!

Food is important to culture and society and dare we say to marriage as well? Food is more than just nourishment for our bodies. Food is a way of expressing ourselves, our identities, our values, our beliefs. Food is a way of connecting with others, of sharing stories, of creating memories. Food is a way of celebrating life, of honoring traditions, of exploring diversity. Food is a way of learning about ourselves, our spouses and the world around us.

Most people meet, greet and even date around FOOD. If food was important when you were dating, it's most definietly still important now. It's not only a way to learn about your spouse, but it can be romantic as well. Ever heard of aphrodisiacs? Even preparing a meal or cooking together is bonding for us.

Eating healthy together is even more sexy! Food can improve your mood and health. Eating well can boost your energy, mood, and immunity. It can also reduce stress and prevent diseases. A healthy couple is a happy couple, right? Food can be fun and adventurous or even dangerous! Experimenting with new recipes, ingredients, or flavors can add some excitement and variety to your marriage. You can also challenge each other to cook-offs, bake-offs, or food fights. Food is not only essential for survival, but also for a thriving marriage. So don't neglect the power of food in your relationship. 

FASTING

Equally important to eating and experiencing food is self-control and knowing when to stop. There are several reasons. Some are biblical, some are financial and some are physically necessary. There is a time to eat and a time not to. The extremes of overeating or not eating enough can be very unhealthy. Fating together should be planned with caution, but it can have amazing results.

Once, prior to one of Maurice's procedures he had to fast. Basically, he was obstaining from food so that the results would be more accurate. A way to show my support was to fast with him. I didn't have to, but it drew us closer. If you are trying to make a mutual decision or resolve some issues in your marriage, you might want to consider fasting as a part of your gameplan. You may be pleasantly surprised at how much clarity is gained when you replace reading the Bible with the average "three square meals a day".

Perhaps it's not that serious and you're just looking for a way to gain closeness, spice up your marriage or do something new. Why not try fasting together? Fasting is not only good for your health, but also for your spiritual health and relationship. Here are some other benefits of fasting together in marriage:

- You'll save money on food and spend more time talking to each other. Obviously!

- You'll have more energy and stamina for...other activities. 😉

- You'll appreciate each other more when you break the fast with a delicious meal.

- You'll bond over the shared challenge and support each other through the hunger pangs.

- You'll learn to be more grateful for what you have and less attached to material things.

You'll be amazed by the results. Just remember to drink plenty of water and consult your doctor (and your spouse's) before starting any fasting regimen. That is my nursing two cents.

Spring into Marriage!

Spring is a time of renewal and growth, and it can also be a time to refresh your marriage. After many years together (like us), you and your spouse may have fallen into a routine that feels dull and boring. But you can spice things up by trying some new things and reconnecting with each other on a deeper level. Here are some ideas to freshen up your marriage in the season of spring:

Go on a picnic. Pack some sandwiches, fruits, and drinks, and head to a nearby park or garden. Enjoy the fresh air and the beauty of nature. You can also bring a blanket and cuddle under the sun. Talk about your dreams, your hopes, and your feelings. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. We love picnics, parks, trails and the great outdoors.

Read the Song of Solomon together. This book of the Bible is full of passionate and poetic expressions of love between a husband and a wife. It celebrates the intimacy and joy of marriage. You can read it aloud to each other, or take turns reading a verse and explaining what it means to you. You can also use it as inspiration to write your own love letters or poems to each other. Confession: we have never written love letters to each other!

Do something adventurous. Step out of your comfort zone and try something new together. It could be something as simple as taking a dance class or learning a new skill, or something as daring as skydiving or bungee jumping. Whatever it is, make sure it is something that both of you are interested in and excited about. Doing something adventurous will boost your adrenaline AND your attraction to each other.

Pray together. Prayer is one of the most powerful ways to strengthen your marriage. It helps you to align your hearts and minds with God's will and purpose for your relationship. It also helps you to express your gratitude, your needs, and your requests to God. Pray together every day, even if it is just for a few minutes. Thank God for your spouse and for your marriage. Ask Him to bless you, guide you, and protect you. Pray for each other's needs and challenges. Pray for wisdom, understanding, and patience. It builds great intimacy.

These are just some ideas to freshen up your marriage in the season of spring. You can also come up with your own ideas that suit your personality and preferences. The important thing is to make time for each other, to communicate openly and honestly, and to show love and respect to each other. Remember that marriage is a gift from God, and He wants you to enjoy it and cherish it.

Parenting Proverbs

 

Find Anita's new ebook at bit.ly/authoranita

Time Apart in Marriage?

Many people subscribe to the idea of time spent apart while married is healthy while others suggest that being seen together more is better for the relationship. Let's look at the pluses and minuses of both!

Being Apart

Does absence make the heart grow fonder really? Taking some time away from your spouse can be refreshing and give one a sense of relief from the norm. It has become a more common thing for spouses to have a girls or guys night out or even a weekend, or a whole week. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right?

There is a great sense of relief to step out of the norm and spend some time with others besides your husband or wife. Most people do not think of this time as a vacation from their family but rather a time to get refreshed and bring their best selves back to their families.

The demands of home can be daunting and feel overwhelming. So having someone else cook for a change, or being able to really binge your favorite sport with the guys can be exhilarating for a while. 

Being Together

At some point however, you should miss your spouse and long to return to them. After all, isn't that what marriage is about. You go from being single and longing to spend every single moment together to hoping to "catch a breather" with just friends.

In the Bible, there really is nothing that speaks to being away from your marriage partner except the physical aspect of pausing intimacy for a time to seek the Lord during prayer and fasting. Some could make the case that being apart could lead to adultery, fornication and pornography temptations and should therefore be avoided as much as possible. 

Some say "don't look single if you are not". Hopefully, spending time away does not involve something akin to a bachelor or bachelorette party. In addition, shouldn't your spouse be closer to you than anyone, share your secrets and be your closest friend?

What We Think

We had an interesting discussion about this and found ourselves on different sides of this controversy. We disagreed about there being a need to be together all the time, and that having away time can be healthy. We agreed that spouses should always represent their marriage wherever they go and with whoever they are around.

It is up to each couple to decide if time away is something that both parties can agree on and for how long. Knowing your own spouse and making this decision together is the most important part. There is no sin against spending some time apart, but the Bible does encourage spouses to get back together soon to do what married people do! 

Do not deprive each other [of marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves [unhindered] to prayer, but come together again so that Satan will not tempt you [to sin] because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5 

                                     

                                      What are your thoughts? We would love to hear from you too!

The Marriage Bed of Roses

Marriage is a bed of roses - with thorns. All the pricks, passions and perfumes are enough to attract people to it, but then few stay despite it all.

A couple of wives and I wrote a book recently depicting our initial episodes of "falling in love", having difficulty in marriage and how its aroma stays fresh after many years. I was excited to participate, but wondered what I could share.

Sometimes writing comes naturally for me, and other times, not so much. I really prayed about what to share and how to make it relevant for readers - the wives that would be looking forward to gleaning from my so-called wisdom after 21 years of being married to the same guy.

Today my shipment of books arrived!

I finally re-read what I wrote in the book and I am confident that God is glorified. I was encouraged by the words that the Holy Spirit had me pen in this particular book on marriage. Not only is there sharing of my personal experiences as a wife, but great takeaways that convicted me TODAY! Only God can do something like that.

So please read it and let me know your thoughts. It was a labor of love and care for all the wives like me that need to know that there is another sister who "gets it" when it comes to the marriage pricks, passions and perfumes.  bit.ly/authoranita

Twenty-Twenty-Three (2023) Interrupted

 

Happy New Year to all our Readers!

We took a hiatus to focus on us, our marriage and family. We had to make some major adjustments, relocate some family members and pray through more medical issues. Yet, the Lord has continued to bless our marriage through it all.

Today, let's share about interruptions. Life starts off pretty good at the start of a New Year, but then your plans, agenda and calendar may take an alternate path than what you intended. You and your spouse together need to be prepared.

When life gets interrupted from your usual marriage routine, you have to do three things that we have found to be helpful. We have to acknowledge the change, see what scripture has to say about about it and then decide together what our next course of action will be. Most any decision can be made that way.

Acknowledge the Change

Some changes are very obvious while others are barely noticeable. It is when the changes begin to encroach on life that we identify them. Ignoring them is never the right choice. Everything in your household affects your marriage in one way or another.

Seek Scripture on the Issue

Once identified, just about every issue can be found in the Word of God either directly or in principle. Even somethings as simple as researching a topic on the Bible App can help you find scriptures to apply to your life and marriage.

Decide on our Action

This part is simple. We can choose to align our responses to the changes that we experience in our lives and marriages with scripture or attempt to fix them on our own. How you wonder? Commit scripture to memory. Join in prayer with others of faith. Move in obedience knowing that God will not let His Word be void in your situation.

For example, we thought that my parents were well enough to care for themselves and to make sound medical and financial decisions. It was not until Covid hit that we realized that was not the case. They need us to intervene regularly so we moved them closer to the family. It could have greatly upset our marriage to make this move but we followed these steps. We acknowledged that this was serious and the Bible says:

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8

It was not an option for us to not provide for our parents according to the Word of God. It was hard to suddenly become caregivers, but we did. We decided as a family to make it work and to support everyone involved.

Today, we are grateful that although 2022 and the beginning of 2023 were difficult, God kept us and our parents. Challenges and changes happen, but God promises us direction for today and tomorrow.