Selfcare IS Caring for your Marriage

In our first few years of marriage, I was all in! I was fully ready to sacrifice for my husband. From bending over backwards to make him healthy meals to being available in the evening for marital intimacy. Nothing was too much, too hard or too physically taxing. My view of that Proverbs 31 woman was perfection and I was happy to do all and be all for him. After all, loving him was easy because he truly loved me as Christ loved the church in my mind. Nothing could be better.

Until I burnt out.

Ask yourself:
When did I last take a nap?
Am I having too many negative thoughts?
Do I have a healthy relationship with God myself apart from my spouse?
Is my body needing attention that I have been ignoring?
Am I actually hurting emotionally?
When did I last have a really fun time?
Are there habits that are controlling me instead of me controlling them?
What pain am I experiencing?

There is such thing as wife burnout. When we burden ourselves with even more than God Himself has commanded, we put ourselves at risk for harm of all kinds. The devil loves this part. It is the sneaky way to break a marriage. By putting undo pressure on ourselves, we slowly corrode the marriage itself. Genius, yet devious.

To be honest, I have never been the best at caring for myself the way that I should. Taking vitamins, exercising and drinking enough water are a struggle for me. One thing that I do well is healthy eating. For some reason, that outward habit is easier. People can see that. They know. But self-care in other departments can be disguised by your "care" for others.

Your self-care is a reflection of your marriage.

How you care for you reflects the health of your relationship and the health of the church as a whole, if your marriage is built on Christ. As a woman who has been married for many years now, let me share with you a few ways to maintain care of yourself as well as your marriage.

1. Plan ahead and make your appointments first. Some of our regular readers know about our cancer story (if not start HERE), and I was so fortunate to have already planned my own physical and dental appointments for that year. Otherwise, it would have never happened with the difficult situation that we were facing.

2.  Hold each other accountable for your self-care. We have a thing where we ask each other about certain habits we are trying to form or break. For me, it is drinking water. I have an app that I use that is great at reminders, but I still ignore it. My husband knows this, so he also asks me about what I drank each day. It helps more than the app which was his idea in the first place!

3. Don't forget that marriage is about you too! Do not discount that fact that you are significant. Your physical, emotional and spiritual health is a must to make your marriage thrive! There is no shame or harm in talking to someone about your self-care whether that is a friend or a licensed counselor. There is no WE without ME.

How can we be praying for you in this way? Please reach out to us or someone closer who can help you to get back on track and add more value to your marriage by caring for yourself.


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