Church and Marriage (Part 4 of 4): Raising Christian Children

It is one thing to establish communing and fellowship in church with your spouse, but adding children will change the dynamic.

When a couple with children decides to follow Christ, know that there will be little eyes following who you follow. It is supremely paramount to give your children good spiritual influences as you would with anything else. We take our time t choose good schools and good doctors, so why not take the same care with something so important?

Parents are Spiritual Teachers.

Parents are the first spiritual influences for their offspring. We see biblical principles and precepts to mothers and to fathers in the scripture. Here are a few:

Proverbs 6:20-35
This verse encourages children not to forsake the commands and instructions that both of their parents have taught them.

Proverbs 1:8
Solomon writes to his son in this verse to obey his father and mother.

Proverbs 23:22
This proverb reminds children that the teaching of their parents extends even to old age.

Psalm 44:1
Children recall the works of God that were told to them by their parents in this verse.

Psalm 73:8
It is the responsibility of fathers to allow their children to "hear" the Word of the Lord.

Parents set the Spiritual Atmosphere

Bringing your children to church is great. They learn to worship, pray and make disciples. They can see examples of holiness and righteousness. They hear the Word and learn to apply it. They can practice their spiritual gifts, talents and giving. However, church should most definitely NOT be the first and only place where these things are learned and taught.

The most important place that ministry takes place is your home!

Deuteronomy chapter 6 gives examples of ways to constantly keep spiritual learning in the forefront of your home. Knowing more of Christ and the Bible should be central to everything that your children are exposed to. Here are five things that we have done that are examples of concepts found in that passage:

1. Let your children see you pray alone, with your spouse, in groups and encourage their private prayer. The Bible says much about setting a prayerful atmosphere. When kids pray to the Lord, often they learn dependence on Him for their needs and develop a real relationship with their heavenly Father. Encourage every effort that your children take to pray. It is always serious and never a game in our house.

2. Keep scripture on display and on your tongue. We have posted verses and plaques around our home. There are reminders in and on our vehicles. We speak about the Word and sing songs with scripture to help memorization. Even daily conversation has scripture references. We may say that "this situation is like.....in the Bible", or we may say that "this song's history is about this story in his book of the Bible".

3. Practice spiritual disciplines. Incorporating fasting, giving, evangelism and fellowship with your children. They need to see baptisms and the taking of communion. They also need to know the biblical requirements for those sacraments. We never excluded our children from spiritual activity.

4. Give them Godly alternatives and options. For example, we personally choose not to celebrate Halloween, but we do have really fun dress up parties and celebrations throughout the year. We go to concerts that lift up Jesus instead of ones that glorify sex. Even what clothing items we purchase or brands and labels we support are filtered through the lens of the Bible. Teach your children to represent Christ outside of church.

5. Teach them "as you go". The shows you watch, the music you listen to,  and the places you frequent are all presenting their doctrine to your child. We have had many discussions following things that we slowly introduce our children to. We believed in sheltering our small children from the harsh realities of the world, but the tween boys we have now are learning and forming their worldviews. We watch the news and talk about what the Bible has to say about homosexuality, the "Me Too" movement, guns in school, politics, world affairs and racial tension.

Informing their decisions before they make them is a powerful christian parenting technique.

We talk a lot. We talk about "what would happen if" scenarios and take the time to learn from other's mistakes. Our boys know our boundaries and God's laws. They know about His grace and forgiveness as well. This is one of the most influential things that we can offer our children.

Godly parenting at Church

Let them participate in Church. We are big fans of allowing our children to participate in ministry. One of our sons loves singing, dancing and speaking. He is always on the stage or at the microphone. Great! Just do what ever you do for the glory of God. Our other son has ministry "in the background". He loves all things "techy", so he works alongside the audio/video ministry personnel at church instead of going to children's church. We do not force them. Ministry is your service to the Lord. Know your children and help them to express their God-given skills and abilities through their personal ministry.



We hope that this is helpful to you as a parent. Please use the search tab to find other information on specific topics such as when your children should be baptized and take communion, our stance on dating and teaching children spiritual warfare.

“Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best.” Bob Talbert

Church and Marriage (Part 3 of 4): Doing Ministry

As we think about doing Ministry in the same church together, we have to remember God's order for the church. Jesus is the head of His church. The man follows Christ and the woman follows the man. This is biblical order. So when we speak about Ministry, we have to remember that it is for everyone in the body of Christ. We also believe that the gender roles in the church are outlined in the word of God. Women should prayerfully consider their ministry options with their husbands.

Since before we were married, we decided that we wanted to do ministry together. It was a challenge to find a church that actually had  opportunities for us to do what we feel that God had called us to do. We knew God for ourselves, had been baptized and had heard from the Lord regarding what we should do and we were looking for a church that aligned with that direction for our marriage which is our first Ministry.

It is important to have your own house in order before attempting to minister to other people and their homes. 

We would  do things such as making sure that our house was clean before we left for couples Bible study. We would make sure that if we were inviting someone over that we had spent enough time with our children. We did not attend missellaneous church events if it was a date night for us.

Some churches are flexible and understand the importance of making your marriage a priority. However we do know friends and family members that have served in churches that demand an exorbitant amount of time in comparison to their family investment.  As the word of God says you need to truly weigh your options and decide if what you are doing is truly worth the cost. Everyone should sit down and make that decision.

Ask yourself these three questions:

Number one,  is this ministry activity something that God has actually called me to do? We are all ministers and have a Great Commission, but will your gifts and talents be used for this ministry or is this something you are doing because you were asked and feel as though you cannot say "No"?  Obviously, knowing your skill sets and spiritual gifts is important as you make decisions regarding ministry activity. ( 1 Corinthians 12:1-31)

Secondly,  have you mutually consented with your spouse? It is important to be on one accord in church ministry because it will affect your marriage and family life. Is this something that will disrupt your routine if so, how?  Discuss your time, talent and treasure with your spouse. Will this require funds such as gas and travel time? Is this something that will take too much time away from your family or rearrange your whole schedule? ( Luke 14:28-30)

Last but not ever least,  have you covered this ministry opportunity in prayer?  Our habit as a couple is to seek God first and foremost ourselves to decide if it is even something that we should discuss as a couple. There have been times when our decisions have been made mutually, but sometimes it never reaches the ear of our spouse  because God clearly gives a yes or no answer. ( Luke 18:11, Ephesians 6:18)

Look at Abraham and Sarah. (Genesis 21:1-12) They knew that God had promised them a ministry opportunity in the form of parenthood. However  unbelievable it was, it was a sure promise. Instead of prayerfully seeking the Lord for clarity, Sarah takes it upon herself to rush the promise (because that is what we do sometimes). Ishmael was born and caused great trouble for the family.  Later on, Isaac, the promised parenting opportunity arrives, and they discover as a couple that they had taken a ministry misstep.

Following these three biblical steps instead is a sure-fire way to seek God in everything and also to keep your first Ministry FIRST!