Hardening Hard Hearts

Bitterness. Unforgiveness. Holding a grudge. Sin. All of these kinds of things harden our hearts. They stiffen us and build walls to keep people (and God) out. The enemy knows that if he can close you in and get you centered in on yourself, that you will implode. We are made like a filter - emotionally speaking. We need to be able to cycle through our emotions in a healthy way. There are good days and bad days and those who follow Jesus need to learn to appropriate every feeling we have.

The bible warns us to stay repentant and to remain in a place where we can be convicted by the Holy Spirit. If not, the hardening remains. Like a heart with vessels hardened by cholesterol, sin makes it difficult to feel for others and especially from God and then you die. The blood is there for your healing, but it cannot move to help. We only harden what is already hard when we stop the flow of the Holy Spirit.

What you have been eating is now eating you.

The Word of God needs to land on soft soil for growth in order to produce change in your life. Mark 4:16-17 talks about letting seeds fall on different kinds of ground. We could think of the status of our hearts in that way. Some of us are rocky and nothing will grow there. Some are thorny and allow the cares of this world to choke out anything good. Some seed falls on good ground. Those hearts are a good environment. They have been uprooted from the stuff holding them down and have allowed the Lord to cut out things that hinder their growth.

The fruit of gentleness is a product of allowing the Holy Spirit to convict and reform our hearts. When we are tempted to lash out at our spouse or to steal or gossip, the Lord will make you sensitive to the Word that has already been planted in your heart. The guilt that we feel is a sign that the fruit of gentleness has been planted. When we no longer have guilt, our hearts are too hard. God is knocking at the door of our hearts, but we cannot even hear Him anymore. The heart vessels are clogged. We cannot forgive. We can't let it go. We are unable to sense the Holy Spirit moving.

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient.... (Romans 1:27-28).

The Bible warns us of having these reprobate minds. We don't even want to hear from God once we reach a certain plateau. Don't let your heart go there. Don't wander to far away from the Lord because the wider that divide is, the harder it will be to get back to a soft heart. Think of it as a hard-boiled egg. It can't be soft again because it has been boiled. However, God is the God of do-overs and second chances. He can do it!

So how do we make a change? 

1. Return to your first love. Exchange your sin and bitterness and pride for His forgiveness, grace and hope. Sometimes it takes a while to identify all the things that have stunted your growth for so long. As the Lord to reveal even the hidden things that you hide from yourself. He is waiting to embrace us. Always.

2. Repent. God is holy. He is ready and willing to forgive you of what you have not even forgiven yourself of but we must acknowledge that we cannot do it alone. You will only harden a hard heart if you don't.

3. Plant. What God has removed from your heart is not an open space to re-introduce it. Tell the devil that he has NO PLACE any longer and he is completely evicted. Then you must quicky fill your heart with the Word of God. His promises and affirmations will sustain you and grow the fruit of gentleness where bitterness once resided.

Softening a hard heart is not easy, but it is necessary for growth in all of our relationships.

Such a Gentleman

We are working on teaching the boys to be gentlemen. They are being encouraged to open the door for ladies, to not burp or belch out loud, to be neat and clean and polite. It is important for us to instill in them that being a gentleman is something that is internal and external. It is good to be clean inside and out!

When we remember that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit, we can better understand that we are representing Christ in how we look, what we say and how we act and respond every day. We may not think that people are watching our behavior but we really are either bringing people closer to the knowledge of God or turning them away from Him.

Our children are watching our marriage too! How does mommy treat daddy? Is she rude and mean or is she polite and endearning? Does daddy yell and slam doors or is he patient and sweet. Are we showing love or are we being selfish? Someone is always watching our actions towards each other.

We model what we truly believe in our hearts and minds. It is one thing to say that we should be showing respect, but quite another to live it out day after day and week after week in our homes, in our workplaces and at the grocery store.

We have certainly had our share of mistakes in being gentle with each other, but today we want to give you a few more ideas to cultivate the soil in preparation to grow more gentleness.

1. Pray for the Fruit of Gentleness. This aspect is not naturally occurring. It is a fruit of the Spirit, not of the flesh. As the One who abundantly supplies all your needs for the seed of gentleness.

2. Gentle Speech. A huge part of gentleness is in the way we converse with each other. Practice not interrupting when others are speaking and learning to really listen to others. When it is necessary to bring correction, remember to do it in love!

3. Gentle Wisdom. The way we share Christ with others is important. Jesus often showed God to others by healing and doing other miracles. He fed them and loved them, then gently shared with them the truth of why He was sent. He answered their questions with the scripture and was firm against what was wrong. 

Being gentle is not being weak. It is proudly standing behind what God says!

4. Being a Gentleman/Gentlewoman. The Bible tells us that Jesus was gentle and we should follow His example. It is what differentiates His followers from others. God never coerces or forces us to follow Him. He is the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep. John got the idea when he writes that "He must become greater and I must become less" (John 3:30).

5. Repent. Our only right reaction to the sacrifice of Christ is our lives. He took our place on the cross and we owe Him as our reasonable service (Romans 12:1,2). When we know what is right to do and we do not do it, we sin . Sin separates us from God. Jesus was the perfect gentleman and our right response is gratefulness and saying "Thank you" for the rest of our lives.