How to Avoid a Courtroom Showdown: 3 Surefire Ways to Stay Married (and 3 Ways to Book a Hearing)

In a world that often treats marriage like a subscription that you can cancel when a new version comes along, God calls us to a higher, more permanent standard. The vow is "'til death do us part," not "'til debt do us part" or "'til disagreements do us part."

So, how do we build a marriage that lasts a lifetime? And, just for fun, what are the express lanes to "Separate Street"? Let's get into it. Here’s our very unofficial guide on how not to get divorced.

Three Surefire Ways to Stay Married Forever

1. Cultivate a Terrible Memory.

That's right, I'm telling you to be forgetful! I want you to develop selective amnesia when it comes to your spouse's minor faults and past mistakes. Do you remember that time he tried to "help" with the laundry and turned all your white towels a lovely shade of pink? No, you don't. Do you recall that time she gave you directions that led you on a scenic tour of every backroad in the state? Nope, that memory file has been deleted. Holding onto a ledger of wrongs is exhausting and it's the fastest way to build a wall of resentment. Love doesn't keep score.

• The Biblical Blueprint: "Charity suffereth long, and is kind... thinketh no evil..." (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, KJV). Love, or "charity," doesn't sit around thinking evil thoughts or replaying an error reel. It lets things go.

2. Major in Laughter and Minor in Offense.

Life is going to throw some curveballs. You’ll have financial stress, parenting challenges, and days when everything just goes wrong. You have two choices: get offended and stressed out, or find a way to laugh. Choose laughter! Did he burn the toast? Laugh about your new "Cajun-style" breakfast. Did she accidentally donate his favorite (and ugliest) t-shirt? Giggle about its new adventure. A joyful heart is truly good medicine, and a shared laugh can disarm tension faster than any argument.

• The Biblical Blueprint: "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22, KJV). Don't let your marriage suffer from dry bones! Keep that merry heart pumping.

3. Serve Each Other Selfishly.

Okay, stick with me here. I want you to be completely "selfish" about how you can serve your spouse. Outdo one another! Race to see who can get the other person's coffee first. Compete to see who can be the quickest to forgive. Make it your personal, "selfish" mission to make your spouse's day better. When you're both focused on uplifting the other, you'll find your own needs are met more beautifully than you could have ever orchestrated on your own.

• The Biblical Blueprint: "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another..." (Romans 12:10, KJV). The goal is to prefer, honor, and uplift your partner. Make it a holy competition!

Three Express-Lane Tickets to Divorce Court

(Disclaimer: Please don't do these! This is what we call "reverse psychology" in the creative learning leader business!)

1. Become a World-Class Archaeologist.

Your specialty? Digging up old dirt. Every time a new, minor disagreement pops up, be sure to bring up every single related (and unrelated) mistake from the past five, ten, or fifteen years. Never let an old wound fully heal. Keep it handy as evidence for the next "discussion." This ensures all your fights are epic, historical dramas.

• The Anti-Blueprint: This is the opposite of covering an offense. "He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends." (Proverbs 17:9, KJV). And what is a spouse if not your very best friend?

2. Establish the "Kingdom of Me."

In this kingdom, your needs are paramount. Your opinions are law. Your comfort is the highest priority. Your spouse is merely a citizen whose primary role is to ensure the happiness of the monarch (that's you). Make every decision based on "what's in it for me?" and view compromise as a sign of weakness.

• The Anti-Blueprint: This flies in the face of God's design. "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." (Philippians 2:3, KJV). The Kingdom of Me has a population of one, and it's a lonely place to be.

3. Appoint a Secret Third Partner: Your Phone.

Give your phone the best of your attention. Take it to bed with you. Stare at it lovingly during dinner. Laugh at its jokes while your spouse is talking. Let social media and the endless scroll become the "other person" in your relationship, stealing your time, attention, and affection. This is the most subtle, yet effective, way to create a chasm of distance without ever leaving the room.

• The Anti-Blueprint: God calls us to be present and engaged. "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men..." (Colossians 3:23, KJV). Our marriage is a primary ministry, and it deserves our whole-hearted attention, not our leftover, distracted scraps.

My beloved friends, building a marriage that honors God is the most rewarding work you will ever do. It takes intention, grace, and a whole lot of Jesus. May your home be filled with laughter, your hearts with forgiveness, and your walk together lead you closer to Him than ever before!

Braided Together: Weaving Spiritual Growth in Marriage

Marriage, in its divine design, is much like a strong and beautiful cord. But when a husband and wife intertwine their hearts and lives with the thread of faith, it becomes something even more resilient: a three-fold cord, as Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." This third strand, our shared faith in the Lord, strengthens our bond and our individual walks with Him.

Think of the intricate art of hair braiding. Each strand, distinct yet intertwined, contributes to the overall strength and beauty of the braid. Similarly, in marriage, each spouse has their own unique spiritual journey, yet when interwoven with a commitment to support one another in faith, a powerful and unbreakable bond is formed.

Look at Aquila and Priscilla from Acts 18. Their lives were like two strands, diligently working side-by-side in their trade and in ministry. Their shared passion for the Gospel acted as that vital third strand, strengthening their work and their witness. They actively supported each other's gifts, creating a powerful force for God.

Then we have Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 12-23). Their journey, though marked by moments of individual struggle and doubt, ultimately saw them both growing in faith. Their shared covenant with God, though tested, served as the unifying third strand that held their marriage together through trials, leading to the fulfillment of God's promises.

Just as a skilled hand braids separate strands together, we too can intentionally weave our spiritual lives with our spouse's. Here are ten ways, inspired by scripture, to braid your hearts in spiritual growth:

For Husbands: Braiding Strength

Weave in Prayer: Like a foundational strand, "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17) for your wife, anchoring her in God's love.

Braid in the Word: Together, let "Thy word be a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path" (Psalm 119:105), illuminating your shared journey.

Intertwine Encouragement: Recognize and uplift her God-given gifts, for "as every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another" (1 Peter 4:10).

Knit in Example: Let your life be a clear and s
teady strand of faith: "Be thou an example of the believers" (1 Timothy 4:12).

Guide the Braid of Devotion: Lead your family in seeking God, declaring, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15).

For Wives: Braiding Grace

Weave in Fervent Prayer: Your earnest prayers are a powerful strand: "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5:16) – and so does yours!

Braid in Fellowship: Join together in worship, "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together...but exhorting one another" (Hebrews 10:25).

Intertwine Edifying Words: Let your speech build him up, offering "that which is good to the use of edifying" (Ephesians 4:29).

Knit in Respectful Support: Graciously support his spiritual leadership, understanding that wives are to "submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22).

Guide with Patience and Love: Remember that "charity suffereth long, and is kind" (1 Corinthians 13:4). Allow grace and patience to be the gentle hands guiding your shared growth.

Now, what if one of the strands seems weaker or isn't growing at the same pace? 

Remember that even in a braid, each strand has its own texture and length. Continue to lovingly intertwine your life with theirs, praying and being a steadfast example. Trust in the Master Braider, who is "not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9). Keep braiding your lives together with love and faith, and the three-fold cord will hold strong!

Lost for Words, Found by Grace: God's GPS for Navigating Communication Chasms in Marriage

Words, the very currency of connection, can sometimes become the barricades that divide. When a husband and wife find themselves lost in a desert of miscommunication, the journey together feels.....well, parched. Yet, even in this wilderness of being 'lost for words,' there is a Divine Navigator ready to lead us back to an oasis of understanding, Amen?

This 'desert of miscommunication' is what we might call the Communication Chasm – a painful detour where connection seems to wither and loving words become scarce. It's a place where hearts can feel isolated, even when side-by-side. But praise be to God, we are not left to wander aimlessly in these dry places! Our Heavenly Father, in His infinite love and wisdom, provides a divine 'GPS' – what I will call His Guidance and Protective System – meticulously designed to lead us with perfect accuracy.

And I share this with you not just from academic study or ministry observation, but from a deeply personal place. My own marriage, a precious gift from God, has also navigated seasons where we faced communication gaps much like the ones we will discuss. This very blog, "Walking Together Towards God," was in many ways birthed from those times of earnestly seeking His face together, from many conversations that initially felt overwhelming, compelling us to lean ever more intentionally on the Lord for His unfailing wisdom and grace.

We will explore together how, even when we find ourselves 'Lost for Words,' we can be truly 'Found by Grace.' We will discover how to activate and follow God's GPS for Navigating these Communication Chasms in Marriage, turning to His timeless Word and the gentle guidance of the Holy Spirit for the coordinates that lead to reconnection, understanding, and renewed intimacy. For as it is written, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” (Psalm 119:105, KJV). Let us embark on this journey of rediscovery together, hand in hand, with the Lord lighting our way.

Understanding the Communication Chasm

The Communication Chasm in marriage manifests painfully: from echoing silences and fear-filled walking on eggshells to escalating misunderstanding and words used as weapons. The Bible warns, “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21a, KJV) and that the tongue is a “fire” (James 3:6, KJV). This devastating divide breeds emotional isolation, erodes trust, allows “bitterness” (Ephesians 4:31, KJV) to take root, and hinders spiritual closeness. Such breakdowns often reveal deeper heart issues, for “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matthew 12:34b, KJV). Recognizing these signs is the first step toward healing.

Activating Your Divine GPS – God’s Guidance System

Though the chasm seems vast, hope shines! God offers His Divine GPS: His Guidance and Protective System. Activate it by turning to His Word, our unerring map (“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet,” Psalm 119:105a, KJV). The Holy Spirit acts as our Heavenly Navigator, ready to guide us “into all truth” (John 16:13a, KJV) when we earnestly seek His wisdom in prayer (James 1:5, KJV). This Divine GPS recalibrates our path, offering clear direction to bridge divides and rediscover loving communication. With Him, no marriage is truly lost.

God’s GPS provides practical coordinates for your journey. 

Prioritize intentional listening (“be swift to hear, slow to speak,” James 1:19a, KJV) over merely waiting for your turn to talk. 

Commit to “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15a, KJV), ensuring your words are always “good to the use of edifying” (Ephesians 4:29b, KJV). Create sacred, distraction-free time for heartfelt sharing. 

When conversations begin to escalate, courageously use the 'pause and pray' button, inviting God's immediate peace and wisdom. These intentional steps, undertaken with humility (Philippians 2:3-4, KJV), rebuild bridges, stone by stone.

When Your GPS is "Recalculating" – The Role of Forgiveness & Grace

Sometimes, your Divine GPS will lovingly announce, “Recalculate!” Detours and missteps in communication will happen. When they do, humility is your crucial first response. Be willing to prayerfully confess shortcomings (1 John 1:9, KJV) and courageously seek and extend forgiveness. Remember, we are tenderly called to be kind to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another , even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32).God’s grace is not just for our initial salvation, but for every step of the marital journey, continually mending hearts and restoring broken pathways as we turn to Him.

Conclusion

The Communication Chasm in your marriage, though it may feel daunting, need not be a permanent feature of your landscape. With God as your Divine GPS, faithfully guiding your steps, you can navigate from being 'Lost for Words' to being truly 'Found by Grace.' Trust in Him implicitly: “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6b, KJV). This week, will you pray together for your communication, or perhaps choose one 'GPS coordinate' from this post to intentionally practice? May the Lord richly bless your marriage with ever-deepening understanding, Christ-like tenderness, and words that bring abundant life. Amen.